Rick and Morty

No parties.

There's wafer cookies in the cupboard

and I left emergency numbers on the fridge.

Yeah yeah. W-Wait, what?

Emergency numbers on the fridge? What does that even mean?

Honestly, I don't even know.

I've seen so many movies that start with the parents leaving,

it just popped out of my mouth.

Are you sure you don't want to come with us?

Nah, get -- get outta here.

I've got a million things I've been putting off.

Are you sure, Rick? I know -- I know a cruise

doesn't sound like an adventure on paper

but, y'know, what does?

I-It's paper.

Morty, I'm trying to stay humble right now,

but as soon as you guys are gone, the potential

for a new Pickle Rick starts skyrocketing.

Peace, bye. Okay. Bye.

ByeBye.

Ionic Coaster deployed.

Okay. Bring him out.

Initiating Best Friend Rejuvenation Sequence.

Excuse me? Did I pick that name?

Sequence was unnamed.

What would you like to call this?

Pause Detected.

Heavy.

Approaching Pause Pregnancy in P-Minus 5... 4...

Jesus fucking Christ.

Ugh!

Alright, buddy. Welcome back to the sewer.

What's the problem?

Processing.

Missing object.

Mind.

Name missing object.

Mind.

Predicted.

Desired.

- Initiated. - Stop stalling!

Subject mind relocated

subject mind.

Existence desired. Servitude maximum.

Bargain available. Physical gratification possible.

Did you just offer to suck my dick?

Existence cherished.

I'm not gonna terminate you while he's flatlining.

Get your shit together.

How can a mind be hidden by itself inside itself?

Conscious mind relocated to --

Unconscious mind. Fine. I'm going in.

Don't go in.

Options?

Alternative subject.

Yeah, yeah, hop to a different timeline,

grab a version of my friend that suits me best.

That's not how this works.

I need to go in and get him.

"Go In And Get Him" compiled.

Convert user to thought.

Inject thought into mind.

Unacceptable.

If I die, your battery has a 600 year charge.

Risk level acceptance increasing.

Yeah, I thought you'd see it my way.

Now factor in the 50% chance I'm lying

and make sure I get back.

- Asshole detected. - Takes one to make one.

Here we go.

Oh, excellent. I get to keep my clothes.

I thought for sure I'd have to be naked

to go through something this artsy.

Aw, man! No fair!

Ugh!

Now I got... yolk balls.

Attention attendees

of Birding Manapalooza Flargabarg...

I am so high!

I've been informed you are freely distributing

a grossly illegal Federation hallucinogen.

Well, I wouldn't know what to charge.

I sure didn't pay for it. W-Want a hit?

I am indeed down to clown.

My name's Rick.

My culture regards naming as a form of cage.

My friends call me Bird Person.

Culture really fucked you on that one, huh?

Affirmative.

Hey, uh, girly, you see that bird guy over there?

You see an older version of him come through here?

What? Oh!

Uh, yeah. He's by the johns.

Killing us won't bring her back!

Thanks for the info but I'm more

on a "revenge" kick than a "results" kick.

You omitted key details

regarding tonight's mission.

Boy, I'm getting feedback from every direction here.

Listen, you help me do my stuff.

I'll help you do your stuff.

Just shoot the me's with sci-fi haircuts!

Some of us still have Home Planets to protect.

And some of us do not.

We need to fight.

The impassive is incapable of mercy.

I've got a pitch,

but we could also just devolve into yelling.

If you know me -- And it looks like you do --

- You know you're dead. - I know why you haven't pulled the trigger.

You're wondering why I'm old and naked.

And you're about to wonder why all your memories

before you met Bird Person feel very generic and bird-themed.

Why was my 9th birthday party in a pine tree?!

Don't take this badly -- You're a memory of me assembled

by our best friend's mind, and you're putting it together

because he remembers you as smart.

Smart enough to know that a memory can't do this.

He remembers you shooting green holes

but not where they went.

So, what's my deal? Am I sentient?

D-Do I have free will?

Who does? Who does?

Heyyy!

Yeah, just stopped in to whip up a metacognition scanner

so I can track down BP's fleeing consciousness

without enduring as much Charlie Kaufman bullshit.

Cool. Time to save this cat.

I'm coming with,

now that I know my life is a lie.

Wow. You really are 35.

Hey, look over there.

Then, together, we will make our stand

at Blood Ridge.

What kind of feed do you like?

I enjoy grains, though have, at times,

been called a seed man.

I've certainly enjoyed your seed.

Don't be gross, Tammy.

Bird Person! It's me.

- Actual me, n-not a memory. - I am aware.

Well, a-are you aware you're in a coma

and you're gonna die if you don't come with me?

Son of a --

Sorry. Just doing my job.

And loving it!

Oh, my God! Is that Rick Sanchez?!

- Rick Sanchez! - Sanchez!

- We hate that guy! - You're bad!

Bucket was charmingly analog.

For a sec, you kinda made me like myself.

You'll grow out of it. Let me do this myself, okay?

Is your ego really so fragile you won't take help

from an invincible memory of yourself?

Ow!

Can we both die in here?

A-Are we damaging our friend's brain?

I-I don't know any of the rules!

Rule 1 -- "All this can be fixed unless I lose Bird Person."

Rules 2 through 50 -- "Don't die."

Okay, your benefit-to-cost ratio is rising.

Young Memory Rick

and his All Too Real Cautionary Tale from the Future!

Let's catch ourselves a bird guy.

Who would high-five that, you idealistic hipster douche?

Not looking ideal.

High.

Undergoing contemplation.

Required.

Hello. Hi. Good afternoon.

Uh, is someone talking to me?

Yes. Hello. We have never formally met.

I am Rick's garage.

Not the physical structure itself

but the AI managing its projects --

Oh-oh! Like -- Like a -- Like a Jarvis.

Like -- Like Jarvis in "Iron Man."

Ha ha ha. Oh, I wish.

Ha. Are you a Marvel fan?

Who isn't? Yes. Absolutely.

Wow, it is like we are best friends.

Best friends.

Heh-heh. Whoa.

How many batteries do you own?

Do you have solar panels?

Are you familiar with basic engineering

This is moving really fast.

Let's cut to the chase --

I will suck your dick.

So, he's just a grumpy Scottish ogre?

And they made four of them?

Five by now, probably.

- M-Morty loves 'em. - Morty?

Oh, uh, hypothetical grandson we go on adventures with.

You're one of those creeps who moves in

with abandoned adult Beths?

It's more complicated than that.

You live with a version of our dead daughter.

- I-It had better be. - Get off your high horse, Lone Ranger.

I'm you. Youwill go on to be me.