Britannia

They control the hearts and minds of the people.

- How? - With magic.

Well, you look like you've seen a ghost.

- I'm back, brother. - Harka is risen!

Many have sworn their allegiance to the Dead Man.

Led into darkness by the dark itself.

The Romans came, they burned our village.

You heard of a tribe called the Devni?

Find someone else this time. My sister's Queen.

There remains one hope. A maiden.

Who, if she pleases the gods, may save us.

Your poxy gods can go and fuck themselves.

It was not the gods who made your sister queen.

Then who was it?

I intend to have those lands one way or another.

I'll have a column of men nearby, ready to persuade them.

Get back in line.

Since when do we forgive mutineers?

I think we found a witch doctor's stash.

- My beautiful sister. - You've been gone a long time.

The Cantii whore comes to poison us.

- This is no longer your tribe. - Rome is our future.

You will never turn me against the Druids.

You were a warrior once. You will be a warrior again.

The demon is here. And the maiden is coming.

- Sister! - You will die for this betrayal.

- No! - You're ready.

I will find her. Show me!

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

- I think he was having us on. - Shaun the Shaman?

We were out of our minds on whatever he gave us.

I can't even remember the directions.

You follow the moon at sunrise, for four days.

And then you cross a deep, dark river.

- Where you almost drowned. - I was fine.

Then you head uphill, until you see a peak crowned with rocks.

With a massive bear that Shaun forgot to tell us about.

He doesn't know where all the bears live.

Then you enter the woods where the rivers meet, and there...

- You find the Tears of Gods. - You find the Tears of Gods.

Rings of magic fruit, as far as the eye can see.

We've been in this wood two days.

Not even a toadstool.

- I'm calling it. It's not here. - Huh? But...

We haven't found the singing pond yet...

Fuck the singing pond! Fuck this shit.

Big river's that way. I'm out of here.

But we've come so far. It must be close.

The edge of the wood is just over there. You coming?

- Philo. - I'm done. I must be nuts!

- Philo. - What? What is it?

- Attention! - Bummer.

When I look out my window

Many sights to see

And when I look in my window

So many different people to be

Oh, no

Must be the season of the witch

Must be the season of the witch, yeah

Must be the season of the witch

You got to pick up every stitch

The rabbits running in the ditch

Beatnicks are out to make it rich

It will be good to see her face again.

To hear her voice again.

Don't you want to hear it, my love?

Her sweet, sweet voice.

I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but it seems, as we speak,

your sister is communing with the gods.

Not about whether to follow your regal advice. No.

She would only know the means of your execution.

Flayed? Burned?

Buried alive? Torn apart by dogs?

Disemboweled?

It's all to play for.

I demand to speak with Veran.

You genuinely think you can summon the Veran?

You know I can. And you know why.

You wouldn't dare.

Try me.

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

Wake up.

Be careful!

There.

Can you hear me?

Where am I?

I'll tell you where you are, sunshine.

Right in the middle of my fucking prophecy!

He's bleeding. What's your name?

- I can't remember. - Perfect.

You were in the river. Chained.

Can you remember how you got there? Who did it?

I can't remember anything.

You stole a mule or you got someone pregnant.

Either way, whoever it was had enough of you.

- No. He needs to sit down. - He needs to leave.

- He nearly drowned. - He needs to leave!

Then we need to work out what to do

now you've fucked up the Sacred Trial of Sister Water!

You make me sick!

Where's he gone?

- Ah, ah. No, you don't. - But he...

Leave this to me.

You have no idea the damage you've done.

- Oh, I don't believe this. - Believe what?

My idiot brother's borrowing money to buy hides.

I can't believe they made Maximus the new Tessera.

Thinks he's the dogs now. Look at him. Big, bald twat.

Oh, no. No, I don't believe it. My sister's getting married.

You've got a sister? She fit?

- To some fat wanker. - On your feet, scrotums!

Sir, yes, sir!

- This a vacation, ladies? - Sir, no sir.

Sir, if I may congratulate you on your promotion.

Richly deserved. It's an honor to serve

under so valiant and strong a legionary.

Mate, you got some poo on your nose.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, there you are.

- It's time to go. - Where?

Head west. There's a settlement half a day's walk.

Here. That's for bed and bread. So...

Oh, I see.

Yeah. Except you don't.

You genuinely do not see.

Have you ever spent your entire life,

all your skills, training body, spirit, soul, for one moment?

Your friend saved my life. I have to thank her.

Much as I'd love that, it's impossible.

So...

Well...

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Ge...

The Arms of the Eagle. Oh, no.

Our friend is going to stay with us for a few days.

- Just until he feels a bit better. - You serious?

- Yes. Good. - Thank you.

You hungry?

Make this stop,

or I'll bring you and this whole place down into the dirt.

And your cheap whore gods along with you. You know I can.

Why else did you come here?

- I came to save my... - You came as Rome's lackey.

But Rome is using you.

Not to swap peace for taxes,

or preserve our ways, our faith, our gods.

Fuck your gods!

Your days are over, which reminds me,

your witch, Willa, was captured.

The General cut off her fingers. She broke.

Now, he knows a lot more about you than you'd like.

Rome only wants the Chosen One.

She's the only thing that Rome fears.

I'm not interested in fables and prophecies.

Here's what I want. Pop off, have a smoke, chat with the gods,

or whatever fucking bullshit it is you do,

then tell Andra the gods have changed their minds.

You did it for Rome. Don't say you didn't.

You killed Pellenor to buy more time with the Romans.

You did it for them. Now do it for me.

I cannot do such a thing.

I bet you can, you cunt. I bet you fucking can.

You say you came here to save her.

If that's true, you must now go to your death. Accept this sacrifice.

Oh, handy. It's handy for you.

Get me out of the way.

Well, mighty Veran, to do that, I would need something.

Something I lost a long time ago.

- And what is that? - My heart.

You once asked if I still had one.

But you knew the answer because you took it from me,

many years ago.

Follow this path and you will destroy her.

You're a whore. It takes one to know one.

- Then your path is chosen. - I will tell her everything!

Everything.

You're safe now.

You just have to rest. You're safe now.

Thank you.

- What's that? - This is where we are.

Where we are now. Stuck.

You must sit at this point, this nowhere point,

and beg the gods for guidance.

Really?

In complete silence. No interruptions.

Until sunset.

Now!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Totally.

That's us, down there. We used to be them.

Look at them. Asleep with their eyes open.

They're having a nightmare. Let's wake 'em up.

Oh, that is a such a good idea.

This taste funny to you?

Ever since I passed the White Cliffs,

everything I've eaten or drank

in this God forsaken rat hole tastes of mud.

- Tastes a bit muddy. - Well, there's a fucking surprise.

Go on. Drink up, maggots. Hurry up.

General Aulus. Is the General home?