Neighbors From Hell - First Season

Looks like our killer wanted to send a message...

Permanently.

But I sent his brain a text message in lead...

Permanently.

Permanently.

Perm-on-ently.

Speaking of "permanently," you guys,

I have a new plan that will get us all home...

Permanently.

As you all know,

I was recently promoted away from the drill.

And the drill is the thing you need to stay close to

So you can destroy it.

Thank you, Josh.

So now I need to get demoted back to the drill.

I'm going to work today

And punching Chevdet in the nuts.

Whoo!

I thought Chevdet was your friend?

Chevdet is my friend, but he's also Turkish-American.

And according to Chris rock's stinging stand-up,

We all know that everyone

Secretly wants to punch a minority in the nuts.

Hmm. So it probably won't get you fired,

But if you punch chevdet in front of enough people,

They'll have to take some sort of punitive action, ergo...

A demotion! A demotion!

Mwah!

Oh, you taste delicious. Oh, God.

Tina, did I catch a glimpse

Of a creature in the pool just now?

Perhaps a devil monster from the underworld

Brought here illegally?

Maybe there was, maybe there wasn't.

Put a pin in that discussion.

Mandy, honey, uh, be home by 6:00, okay?

We're all gonna go out to dinner tonight to celebrate

Your old man punching a minority in the grapes.

Soft pass, dad.

I have a date... With my new boyfriend.

Boyfriend? Hello, zero to 60.

Give us some stats.

His name's Wayne.

Well, I like everything I'm hearing about this guy.

"Wayne." yeah, sounds strong and reliable.

What's his last name? I can't remember.

But he has a tight little ass.

Mandy, don't be disrespectful.

Your father's right, Mandy.

If you're going to make

Crude, objectifying comments about boys,

Do not leave your mother hanging!

Up top!

Now, with this special fireproof cloth,

Our astronauts will have one less fire to put out in space.

Well, that's a crap sandwich.

Repurpose the material to China as baby girl pajamas.

And then wink.

They'll get it.

Hey, buddy, I need a favor.

I need to punch you in the nuts.

Buddy, no!

I'll take you to the olive garden for a steak.

Okay, but go with the left one. It's stronger.

The right one is like a little schoolgirl.

Husha!

Hellman!

Ohh! You grazed it!

Grazing it is technically worse!

I hear my son Wayne is dating your daughter.

Wayne? Wayne with the tight little buns is your son?

According to "the Maury Povich show."

Oh, hey, what's this game?

Smack-a-slumdog?

Oh, it's no game.

It's unacceptable behavior on my part.

And I accept your demotion.

All right, you're in the mail room.

Mail room?

That is so far away from the drill.

I-I didn't even fully punch him in the nuts.

You grazed him. That's worse.

Lucky for you, you're in line for a promotion.

I am?

Of course.

Our kids are getting weird all over each other.

That means I'm gonna show you preferential treatment.

Come by on Saturday.

We're having a little barbecue, Killbride style.

You can see how the other 2% lives.

Ohh!

Chevdet? A-are you okay?

I owe you, buddy.

No, son. It is I who owes you.

Infertility has never been more en vogue.

Come in, Hellmans.

Grab a nonrecyclable paper plate.

What's up, m-balls.

Hi, Wayne.

Here he is, our little tax write-off.

Yup. That tushy ain't mushy.

Nice to finally meet you, Wayne.

I'm Mandy's father, Balthazor.

Wow. That's a cool name. Is that Iranian or something?

No, it is not!

You apologize to this man right now!

Sorry, Mr. Hellman.

Come on, Mandy. The gang's by the pool.

Kids, huh?

So, who wants some grilled bald eagle?

Did somebody say "bald eagle"?

That was my nickname back in college.

Spent more money on razors than tuition.

Marjoe!

You pop up in the most unexpected places!

I didn't know you had a catering company.

I bet you didn't know I had crabs, either.

Crabmeat-filled panda paws, that is!

Std-licious!

Come on, you've got to taste my sperm whale soup!

I promise you won't spit it out!

Let's talk turkey. You happy at work?

Because if you're happy,

Your little jailbait daughter is happy,

And if she's happy, my little pecker of a son's happy,

And if he's happy, the old ball and chain's happy,

And when Lorelei's happy, my balls and chains are happy.

Boom!

So, how do I make you happy?

I-I think you mentioned

Something about a promotion before.

You know, at work?

Where do you want to be?

The drill! Done.

Whoo!

Dad, we have to leave right now.

I broke up with Wayne.

Well, at least we still have our friendship.

Now that our kids aren't plowing each other to kingdom come,

We're back to our old dynamic --

Boss...Slave.

Promotion off!

Oh, geez.

We'll open with comments.

Josh...Why do you have that charred bird on your arm?

This is Muffy.

I saved him from the barbecue and reanimated him.

And now I'm gonna find him a mate

And repopulate the bald eagle species,

Thereby saving them from extinction.

I have a question.

Mandy, why did you break up with Wayne?

He's our way in to the drill.

What were you thinking, man?!

Wayne invited this unpopular kid Brant to the party

And then pantsed him in front of Kayla, the girl he likes.

I thought Wayne was different,

But it turns out he's just as mean

As the other guys at school.

And what's worse? He has crap taste.

He loves Coldplay, "chillaxin'," and Dane Cook.

I mean, really?

Dane cook?!

Oh, God.

All right, so Wayne is a bad egg.

But let me ask you something, Mandy.

Can you look past that... For the mission...

To destroy the drill... To get home?

In short, to snorfindesdrillsalgoho?

I'm sorry, dad. I can't.

I don't have feelings for Wayne anymore.

And you always told me to be true to my heart.

The girl's right.

If she doesn't like him, she doesn't like him.

But maybe there's a way to make the girl like him.

I like where the goblin's going with this.

Mandy, describe to me your perfect guy.

I don't know -- really nice, brooding,

Lots of hair gel, maybe a vampire.

It sounds like your ideal guy is a mix of --

And tell me if I'm wrong --

Zac Efron, A-rod, and that guy from "Twilight."

Exactly! Yes!

Mandy, just give me a week with Wayne

To do a little "weird science."

And when I'm done, will you give him another chance?

Okay.

"Extreme makeover: Boyfriend edition"!

Hey, do you guys sometimes sit around

And think about what you would write if you wrote songs,

But then you don't get too far,

Because you don't write songs,

And then you just put on Death Cab for Cutie?

Dude. Dude.

Hey, guys, do you know if my bus is here yet?

Oh, uh, yeah. Let me -- let me -- let me check for you.

Ohh!

You farted in my face!

And my sense of smell is heightened!

Yeah, you should have heard it coming, daredevil.