Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

Previously on "Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce"...

Open up your mouth, and the hypocrisy just flows out.

I'm sick of being told that I don't know my own mind.

I'm not gonna be a professional wife.

Are you watching porn?

You crossed the line, Frumpkis!

Frumpkis and Charlene booked Zoey's flight first class.

She is a monster.

I'm going to Latvia for four months.

- Right. - Is everything okay?

I have to head back to the office.

Hey, what happened to dinner?

I had to leave before I completely lost it.

- Gorgeous. - This girl. Jowls.

- I'm not kidding. - She looked real.

I appreciate your opinion, Phoebe.

Oh, wait. I don't.

You want to be the new face of divorce?

Knock yourself out.

If you want to do a follow-up piece,

don't you need a follow-up date?

You have to go find solace in other men!

No functional adult would have knocked up

his 26-year-old actress rebound.

Oh, my God. I pulled out.

- You pulled out? - Yes!

And we just can't fix it.

I think my heart is breaking.

We are just these people together.

_

Abby, that is so sad.

I cannot believe you are going through all that with Jake.

Yeah, what's going on with the CW baby?

You and Jake telling the kids?

Um, we're talking about it.

I, uh... and I'm really sorry I didn't tell all you guys

what was going on. I was just such a mess.

- No. - Yeah.

But I'm through it now.

I am through the storm, so...

You just, uh... You seem a little, um...

- Intense. - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Like you're sweating bullets.

No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Well, you know, you're signing the papers.

It's a biggie, I mean, you can let yourself feel it.

Yeah. I do, and I will.

I do. I just... right now, I'm stressed about work.

More drama with your boss?

She's not my boss.

- She's my editor, technically, - Oh!

- and, yeah, you know, - Yeah okay.

it's not so great for job stability

when she hates me and everything I stand for,

so, you know, I have no idea

if I'm killing it or if I'm about to be fired.

Oh, no, you're not. It just takes time.

- Yeah. - You just got there.

She's gonna love you. Just win her over.

She's not very winnable, but that's okay.

I'm just throwing myself into it.

You know, the SheShe beast must be fed.

Ooh, fed with more sexy doctor dates.

Actually, I do have one

tonight with Dr. Harris.

Oh.

It is strictly professional, ladies.

Isn't that perfect? You get to have a date

with an even hotter version of Dr. Drew

while I get to see my fat dickwad of an ex.

What? Frumpkis? When?

He's flying in tonight on business.

Well, he says it's business,

but he probably just wants a break from Charlene

and her inbred Kentucky lifestyle.

Okay, remember what we talked about, doll.

- We're still mid-negotiations. - Mm-hmm.

- Do not provoke him. - I know.

You know what my divorce feels like?

It feels like this roach under the fridge that won't die.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

That's why God invented prenups.

Me and Gordon are going over ours

with an estate lawyer today.

Oh, my God. Delia Banai's prenup?

- That is going to be... - Terrifying.

It's gonna be simple, standard, and civilized.

It's gonna be very low-key and cool,

which should be your mantra with Frumpkis.

- Yes, it is. - Cool.

It is, trust me.

My kid is all I'm worried about, okay?

I don't want to get sucked into that asshole bigamist's...

whoa, what is this?

It's my new car.

Whoo!

It is a Mirai. It runs on hydrogen.

Phoebe godmother saving the world.

Can I come to the future with you?

Well, Jo, you might have to make peace with your past first.

Ah. All right.

All right, I'll see you at Abby's.

See you in a few minutes.

See you soon. Drive safe.

I'm so sorry about the whole Frumpkis coming

and, you know, us being so disconnected since...

Since you booted me out?

Abs, I told you. We're fine now.

- Okay. - Okay?

Mm-hmm.

- Kind of. - So, ladies?

Mm-hmm?

I have some news.

Guess who passed her GED.

Oh, my God.

Phoebe, that's amazing.

I didn't even know you were taking your GED.

Oh, well, you're not the only one

with a secret double life, Abby McCarthy.

Oh, my God. What brought this on?

I don't know, not finishing high school?

And if I want career prospects

that don't involve smiling pretty for a camera,

I needed a high school diploma,

so I worked my ass off,

went for it, voilà.

But why so secretive?

Because if I didn't pass, it would be humiliating.

But you did, which is fantastic.

We have to celebrate.

- Oh, it's just a little test. - We should throw a party.

- She should have a prom. - Yes.

She's a graduate.

- Oh, my God. - I never had a prom.

- With a limo? - Oh, get SheShe to pay for it.

You could spin it into some kind

of glamspirational bullshit piece.

I would be happy to write about something other

than my dating life,

but what do you think, Phoebe?

If I can inspire women to graduate high school

and get a free open bar, why not?

It's a SheShe win-win, right?

To Phoebe! A SheShe win-win.

SheShe win-win.

Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce - 02x05 - Rule No. 72- It's Never Too Late To Be A Mean Girl

Hey.

- Hey. - What are you doing here?

It's Lilly’s. She left it yesterday.

Oh, thank you. I could have come to get it.

Really not a big deal. Lilly?

You look nice.

- Uh... - Thank you.

You been busy, huh?

Back in the saddle?

What does that mean, the saddle?

That means you twittered and, you know,

date with Dr. Harris.

And that is for work.

My bad.

Miss Forgetful,

I will be charging you for miles.

Thanks, Daddy. Sorry.

Did you talk to your mom yet?

- About what? - It's nothing.

It's fine. Can we leave soon?

I'm gonna be late for algebra.

Yeah, just go see if your brother's almost ready.

What is that about?

I think she's having a hard time.

She got her hopes up, but, uh...

Did she say something to you?

She needs to speak to you, okay?

- Okay, I will get on that. - All right, great.

I just haven't found the right words...

are you okay?

Living the dream.

Mom, we're back.

Well, look who decided

to grace us with his...

Frumpkis?

Hey, Jo.

Who the hell are you, and what have you done

with my fat dirtbag of an ex?

- Mom, be nice. - Honey, it's okay.

It's a fair statement.

Okay, well, wow.

Uh, so what kind of business brings you out here?

You on a nationwide search for a third family?

Mom.

It's good to see L.A. hasn't softened your edge, Jo.

Oh, no, it hasn't.

No, look, I just wanted to pop in and say hi.

- Uh-huh. Hi. - Hi.

I'm on my way to some investor meetings.

You know, they shouldn't take too long.

Maybe you and I could sit down while I'm here, catch up.

Yeah, maybe you're high. Yeah, no. That's not gonna happen,

but the kid's excited to see you and spend some time with you.

Yeah, Dad, there's this emerging artists exhibit