A Series of Unfortunate Events

We have to keep going, Sunny. I'm tired, too,

but we have to find Violet before it's too late.

Do you think it's true one of our parents survived the fire?

It is difficult to describe how Klaus and Sunny felt,

hiding in the mail delivery vents at Heimlich Hospital.

So, allow me to explain it by describing something

that happened to my good friend, Mr. Sirin.

Mr. Sirin was a lepidopterist, a word which usually means

a person who studies butterflies.

In Mr. Sirin's case, it also meant

one who is being pursued by government officials.

- - Open up.

We're here for your butterflies.

Quickly. Quickly.

As the secret police closed in,

Mr. Sirin opened his mouth as wide as he could

and swallowed every last butterfly, alive and whole.

Mr. Sirin was captured,

but his butterflies were safe from government questioning.

You see? There's your problem right there.

It is in his memory that,

when a situation is particularly fraught or tense,

a person is said to have butterflies in their stomach.

Having butterflies in one's stomach is not a pleasant feeling,

but it is the best way to describe how Klaus and Sunny felt,

hiding in the vents at a hostile hospital, watching Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor

drag their sister toward perils unknown.

My diagnosis is you've been captured.

In my medical opinion, it all has to go.

You're not real doctors. You'll never get away with this.

You're right about one of those things.

You're right. We've got to rescue Violet and get out of this hostile hospital.

What the devil?

My files, my films, my paperwork.

I file this under "D" for both disaster and deceit.

Who would do such a terrible thing?

Attention. This is Dr. Mattathias Medical School,

Head of Human Resources and Hospital Administration.

I have nothing to do with party planning.

Please be aware that two of the three Baudelaire murderers

have been spotted in the hospital.

If you see any children whom you recognize from the Daily Punctilio,

please capture them and give them to the most stylish nurse you can find.

Thank you.

I'm in the mood for fish and chips.

- The intercom. - What?

- The intercom. - "Inter" what? Oh. Sorry.

- -

Hello.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well.

You really do tie a beautiful bow, Esmé.

I just thought she needed a little sprucing up.

I'm sorry, I can't hear you with the tape over your mouth.

I said...

So melodramatic.

You're not really Dr. Medical School, are you?

You're that awful Count Olaf.

Ding, ding, ding.

What a fool I've been. I should have known better

than to circumvent bureaucracy for a handsome stranger.

Easy, sister.

I'm not done with you, Babs.

You helped me capture Violet, and now you're going to help me hide her.

Ha! You couldn't hide a binder clip here. The paperwork keeps track of everything

from surgical knives to a cookie

dropped behind the X-ray machine.

Anybody in this hospital would stick out like a sore thumb

if their name wasn't on today's patient list,

which is a complete list of all the patients here.

Then I'll just take your clipboard.

What? No.

Anything but my clipboard.

Take my eyeballs! Take my feet! I need my clip...

What now, boss?

It's elementary. If we devise a fake name for Violet,

we can hide her amongst the patients,

so her siblings won't be able to find her...

until we want them to, that is.

- - The hunter has become the hunted.

That makes no sense.

You catch more flies with honey.

Catch more... Who's the fly... I thought that was vinegar.

You're the honey and those orphans are...

Sometimes I drink a whole glass of vinegar if no one's watching.

Sometimes I wonder about you two.

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

Get up, lazy bones. We're distributing today's patient list.

- And they're totally real names, too. - Totally.

They sure look real to me. Come on, everybody. Vocal warm-ups.

Violet must be somewhere in this hospital.

Otherwise, Olaf and Esmé would have left by now. We have to find her.

- - I don't know.

Olaf is watching us through the security cameras

and the rest might recognize us as "murderers" from the Daily Punctilio.

Hey!

- Could we have some balloons? - Of course, brother.

- Take two and start singing. -

The boss said to keep the girl on ice until we're ready for her.

- That sounds cold. - It's an expression.

- Oh. - She's just in one of these rooms.

We need a way to search all the rooms.

Time to visit all these rooms.

- Could you call a nurse? -

I was supposed to take painkillers, but nobody came by to give them to me.

Sorry, we don't have time for that.

We have to visit each and every room in this hospital

so we have to move quickly.

Water.

A cheerful attitude is much more effective at fighting illness

than painkillers or water. So, cheer up and enjoy your balloon.

Let's see. Next on our list

is Bernard Roovoo in room 105 of the Plague Ward.

- Come on, brothers and sisters. -

Water, please.

- Water. -

Comfy?

Klaus and Sunny will find me.

Oh, I'm counting on it. If I know your siblings,

your brainy brother will follow the clues right into my clutches.

We've outsmarted you every time. We'll do it again.

I don't think you will outsmart me,

not this time.

Have you ever hunted, Violet?

Of course not.

Well, if you had, you'd be familiar with a particular experience.

There's a particular moment, at the end of a long hunt,

when you have the animal cornered.

And the animal looks into your eyes, deep into them,

to see if there's any mercy in there.

And when it sees that there is not...

it gives up.

It gives its life to you.

Well, I have you cornered, Violet, and I have no mercy.

Soon enough, your siblings will fall into my trap.

And when they do, I won't be satisfied with just your fortune.

This time, I will obliterate you and the entire Baudelaire line

in the cruelest way imaginable.

Won't that be fun?

Darling, Hooky had a question about

which bone saw is scariest, and I'm just not sure.

Be right there, my pet.

Well, a fake doctor's work is never done.

Oh, I wouldn't bother screaming for help.

In a hospital, screams are perfectly normal.

Am I right?

Let's do the verse about leprosy.

You're right. I don't think this is a good use of our time.

We haven't seen a sign of Violet.

This is a break room for doctors.

I wish we were doctors.

Then we could search this hospital.

Good thinking. If Olaf can fool people using disguises,

then maybe we can, too.

I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach,

not just a toddler strapped to it.

How are you doing there?

Let's hope this works.

That's better.

I'm gonna get us both out of here,

but you have to be quiet and do as I say.

- Do you understand? - Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna untie you now,

but you have to stay still, okay?