From the Drain

Um... do you come here often?

Hey there, I couldn't be in the wrong place, could I?

No, this is a disabled war veterans recreation centre, isn't it?

Just... Oh, ridiculous.

Oh, what's the use? It never works out.

Who needs it? Do I need it?

Every week I come here. Every week, exactly the same thing.

You come looking for a little companionship,

a little affection, even. And what do you get?

Speechless idiots, every single time. Forget it.

Forget it. There's nothing you can do.

I've seen it all. Believe me.

Ah... Every single week I ask them,

"Couldn't you for once pair me up with somebody interesting?"

And they smile that patronising smile and say,

"All you young fellows have something in common, haven't you?"

And they always put me with somebody like you.

And I always ask, "Um..."

I always put in the "um".

"Um... do you come here often?"

Then I pretend that I think I might be in the wrong place...

"This is the disabled war veterans recreation centre, isn't it?"

Ridiculous! I've had it.

I'm never coming here again, believe me.

Tendrils.

What?

Tendrils.

Tendrils? Oh, God, you really must have had a rough time.

I've seen some pretty bad ones.

From the drain?

No, Jesus!

I hope you realise you're sitting at the drain end of the tub.

- So? - I advise you to put the plug in.

Why should I?

They always turn the water off when the veterans visit the centre.

Don't you have a place to take a bath at home?

Not keeping from going down the drain.

For keeping them from coming up.

What kind of things come up drains?

- I told you. - Tendrils?

Do you mean like plants growing up?

Like plants. Like plants.

From this drain?

- From any drain. - Change places with me.

God, no, I didn't tell you to sit there, did I?

You've been sitting at that end since you got here. Now it's my turn.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Oh, never mind. Just never mind. I was only kidding.

I really didn't want to change places.

God forbid I should manage a little happiness for myself.

A little positive response from another human being.

Obviously you came out of the war in a lot worse shape than I did.

I shouldn't complain. Oh, no. Really, I shouldn't complain.

I'm clinically all right, there's nothing wrong with me.

You're all right like I'm all right.

No, seriously, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me.

What are you doing here then?

I'm the centre's recreational programme director.

Seriously, my only purpose is to keep our boys...

who have done such a fine job... amused and happy.

- Really? - Really.