Beethoven's 5th

Beethoven!

Come here. I'm sorry.

Beethoven, what's the matter?

Look, Beethoven. I guess this is Quicksilver.

Which is in the middle of... what's the word? Nowhere.

I sure hope they have indoor plumbing.

I know, I know. We're a long way from home.

And we've got a long month ahead of us.

What are we going to do all summer?

There's no mall, no movies, and we don't know anyone except Uncle Freddy.

And we haven't seen him in, like, forever.

You know what this adds up to? Disaster.

Watch your step now, little lady. Have a nice day.

- Is somebody meeting you, hon? - My uncle's supposed to pick me up.

- He should be here any minute. - How nice.

- Maybe I know him. What's his name? - Freddy. Freddy Kablinski.

Freddy Kablinski?!

Freddy!

- Sara? Sara Newton? - You're 12 minutes late.

What happened to you? Last time I saw you, you were a toddler.

- I was six. - Well, whatever. Sorry I'm late.

I was working on this baby and I lost track of time. Gimme that bag.

Seems like I got to tune it up every third fire.

- Mom didn't tell me you were a firefighter. - I'm not.

I'm a grease monkey. A certified mechanic.

Whoa!

Is that the dog?

This is Beethoven.

Come on, Beethoven. Here, Beethoven. Come and say hi.

Come on.

Don't lick Uncle Freddy. You don't know where he's been.

Have you ever considered a face-lift? Maybe just shorten these a little bit?

- Get this wolfhound off me. - He's a St Bernard.

Come on, Beethoven.

So, Sara. Kicked out of camp, huh? Way to go.

- I got kicked out of college twice. - I wasn't kicked out.

- They asked me to leave. - Oh, excuse me!

And just exactly why were you asked to leave?

They wanted me to use an outhouse. Do you know what that is?

- A bathroom that's on the outside? - It's a toilet seat.

On a hole in the ground.

So you got sentenced to 30 days' hard time at Camp Freddy, huh?

Uncle Freddy! Do you need glasses?

Ugh.

And welcome to Camp Freddy.

We got a whole month before your parents get back from Hawaii.

- They're in the Bahamas. - Palm trees and coconuts. Close enough.

It's OK, Beethoven, you can go on in.

Remember to wipe your feet.

Come on. Grab the mail for me, would you?

Sure.

Huh? Agh!

- Uncle Freddy, I didn't do it. - It's OK. Go on inside.

Somebody clipped my mailbox again.

What kind of idiot can't see a mailbox? I got to call the sheriff about this.

Throw his butt in jail is what I'd do.

Beethoven?

Oh, no. What have you done?

You've only been here 30 seconds and you've already trashed the place.

Beethoven!

We're going to get kicked out of here too.

- Sorry about the kitchen. - Something wrong?

Well... it's kind of a mess.

I'm sorry about that. I should have cleaned up before you got here.

You mean, you did this? Not Beethoven?

Why, is he a messy dog or something?

It depends on what you call messy.

No big deal. I'll take care of this. Just wait here one sec.

Boy, I can't wait to see my room.

OK, Sara, grab a wall.

Whoa! Uncle Freddy!

- I put the linoleum in so I could do this. - Watch out, Beethoven!

It's just a little side benefit I get for tuning up that fire truck.

Uncle Freddy, I already took a shower.

Beethoven, stay back!

Pretty clean, huh?

So, what do you usually have for breakfast at home?

Mom says that nutritionally breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

You've got to have milk and fruit and protein.

OK. Coming right up.

There you go.

This is breakfast?

Fruit, milk and protein. Just like you asked for.

Uncle Freddy, it's a banana split.

I think I'll have some of your bran flakes, if I may.

Bran flakes? OK. Sure.

I don't see an expiration date on this, so it should be OK.

Say when.

When.

Shame to see all that ice cream go to waste.

Ahhh!

Mmm...

Hey, look at this. Who needs a maid?

That floor will never be safe for trash again.

I should have got a dog a long time ago.

Watch out, Beethoven.

Whoa!

- You are a natural. - Don't you have any work to do?

The great thing about being your own boss is nobody tells you when to come in,

you can have lunch whenever you like, and best of all...

you can have creeper races whenever you want.

- Come on, give it a try. - I don't know.

- Come on. It'll be fun. Try it. - Um, no thanks. It looks dangerous.

You know what? Sometimes you got to just jump in without your floaties. Watch.

Watch it, Uncle Freddy.

Watch out!

- I score that jump a ten. - Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

Uncle Freddy, are you OK?

You guys want to hang out or something?

No, I can't. I got to put shocks on that Caddy over there, but you guys should.

- Hi. I'm Garrett. - Hi. I'm Sara.

- You're very tall for an eight-year-old. - Eight-year-old?

OK, so I was off a couple of years.

- Hey, is that your dog? - Yeah. This is Beethoven.

St Bernards are known for their psychic abilities.

He is pretty smart. Aren't you, boy?

Hey, kids, you want to see something funny?

Not that. Watch this.

Beethoven, sit.

Now, has that dog got style or what?

Hey, wait, I got an idea. Why don't you two kids grab some lunch?

Garrett, you could take Sara into town and show her the sights. OK?

- We have sights? - You want a free lunch or what?

Yeah...

I don't think Mom would want me to go without you. Especially with a stranger.

He may be strange, but he's not a stranger, OK?

He's the smartest kid in town. Now go, have a good time.

- Come on, let's go. - Stay with him, Beethoven.

He can help me fix the Caddy. Right, Beethoven?

You like GM products?

Quicksilver, huh? Guess this used to be a silver mining town.

Not really. Mercury, actually.

- Really? - Yeah.

It was a surprise to the miners too.

They were looking for gold but hit mercury ore instead.

Quicksilver is slang for mercury.

- You knew that, right? - Um, makes perfect sense.

But it turns out mercury's dangerous. It affects the brain's neural function.

- Like how? - You'll see.

Hello, Owen. How's it going?

It's dry. Too dry.

- Mercury, huh? - That's Owen Tuttle all right.

He thinks the polar icecaps will melt and we'll have to live underwater.

He goes to the lake every day to practice.

- Hey Garrett, come in here. - Morning, Phil.

That's Phil Dobson. He loves gambling, but always loses.

He owes everyone in town money.

Do you want to play some poker?

- Your wife said I wasn't allowed to. - Let me try and win my computer back.

- I need it. - Sorry. I promised your wife I wouldn't.

It's so unfair. What about you? You're not a local, are you?

- You like to gamble? - No, I don't gamble.

I'll play anything. Rummy, blackjack, war, go fish.

- I'll play you for that blender. - I don't need one.

Or how about a nice electric toothbrush? One game for this electric toothbrush.

No, thanks. Bye.

Uh, hi.

- Never saw her before. You? - Nope. She's not local.

Dresses kind of funny. Big-city, I think.

That's Freddy's niece, isn't it? She'll come around.

- See you later. - Talk to her, huh?

- This town is going to the dogs. - Getting too uptown for my likings.

That's the Carter family. They're just plain weird.

- Get in. It's an emergency. - Where are we going?

Pete called. The fish are biting. Come on.

Rides like butter, huh?

Don't people mind you borrowing their cars?

I like to think of it as more of a test drive.

All right, kids, we're here. Everybody out.

- Watch your step. - For what?

- Rattlesnakes and mine shafts. - And ghosts.

Right!

Everybody knows these woods are haunted.

Come on. Nobody believes in ghosts.

Everybody knows there's ghosts out here. At night you can hear them whistling.

Uncle Freddy, I think I'm going to puke.

It's just chicken liver. Look, it appeals to Beethoven.

Everything appeals to Beethoven. Even toilet water.

- I got a bite. - All right! Reel it in.

- Is that a fish? - Whoa!

- I think I got a big one. - Easy does it.

You got it, Garrett. Don't let it go.

All right! We got dinner tonight. Look at that baby.

- Hey, get it away from me! - Is that a dandy or what?

There's no way I'm eating that.

- Whoa! - Eww!

- A genuine Gronias nigrilabrus. - Translation: Catfish.

I told you he was the smartest kid in Quicksilver.

Uncle Freddy, what is it?

Hey, it's Owen. Kids, always give a frogman a hand.

How's the weather down there?

It's wet. Too wet.

God. I never would have guessed.

- Is everyone in this town crazy? - Not us.

Beethoven? Come back, boy.

- He's probably off chasing a rabbit. - Or maybe he's chasing a ghost.

Yeah. I'll believe it when I see it.

My grandfather saw the ghosts himself when he was a kid.

He and his buddies were camping by the lake when they came right at them.

They left so fast they forgot the tent.