A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

I don't know the right words.

Ought to be a septon here.

You were a true knight.

You never beat me when I didn't deserve it.

Fuck.

Except that time in maiden pool.

It was the inn boy ate the widow woman's pie.

Not me. I told you.

Why, you...

Doesn't matter now.

I'd leave your sword, but it...

It would only rust in the ground.

I wish you didn't die, ser.

I'll take good care of the horses.

Eat like a king if I sold you three.

For a year or two.

Then what?

That road ends in outlawry or beggary.

We could go to a city.

King's landing? Lannisport?

Could join the city watch.

Stop raping, ser.

Fits my grip as well as it ever fit his.

And there is a tourney at ashford Meadow.

Hello there. Are you the stable boy?

I want the palfrey rubbed down.

And oats for all three. You tend to them?

I could, if I wanted.

None of that. See to the horses.

You'll get a copper if you do well, and a clout in the ear if not.

Sit where you like.

There's good lamb roasted with a crust of herbs

and some ducks my son shot down. Which will you have?

Both.

You're big enough for it.

- How much farther to ashford? - Day's ride.

Is my boy seeing to your horses or has he run off again?

No, he's there.

Half the town's gone down the tourney.

Mine would, too, if I allowed it.

I swear, I couldn't tell you why.

Knights are built the same as other men.

And I never knew a joust to change the price of eggs.

Bound for the tourney yourself?

I dreamed of you.

Stay the fuck away from me. You hear?

My lord?

Never you mind that one, ser.

I'll see about your food.

Hiya! Take that! Yah!

Oi!

My lord.

- You thief! - I did not mean to offend you.

Take that armor off you. Now!

And be glad thunder didn't kick you in that fool head of yours.

He's a war horse, not a boy's pony.

I could ride him as well as you.

Close your insolent mouth.

I...

I'm a knight, I'll have you know.

You don't look to be a knight.

- What, all knights look the same, do they? - No.

But they don't look like you either.

Your belt's made of rope.

So long as it holds my scabbard, it serves.

Are you going to the tourney, then? Do you mean to enter the lists?

Yeah, I suppose I do.

Take me with you, ser. Please.

And what might your mother say to that?

Not much.

She's dead.

Is the innkeeper not your...

You're an orphan boy.

Are you?

I was. Once.

Till my ser took me in.

Taught me arms and riding, and...

And taught me everything, really.

Best he could.

If you could bring me to ashford, I could squire for you, ser.

And you can teach me best you can.

No, I have no need for a squire, lad.

Every knight needs a squire.

And you look like you need one more than most.

And you look like you need a good clout in the ear.

Fill me a sack of oats.

I'm off for ashford. Alone.

Look, lad, I promise you...

You're better off not squiring for the likes of me.

For your help.

Sulk all you wish.

I know you'll scoop it up as soon as I'm gone.

Sorry.

Piss off.

Beg pardon, men.

I wish to speak to the master of the games.

What do you want, man?

Got you again!

I came for the tourney.

My lord's tourney is a contest for knights.

- You a knight? - Hyah!

Oi! Psst!

A knight with a name, mayhaps?

Dunk.

Ser dunk.

I was squire to ser arlan of penny tree since I was a boy.

He knighted me before he passed, with his own sword.

That's his penny there in the hilt.

Well, a sword it is for a certainty.

But I've never heard of this arlan of penny tree.

You were his squire, you say?

He always meant for me to be a knight one day...

As he was.

Am I to be a knight one day, ser?

As you are?

When he was dying, he called for his longsword

and bade me kneel.

Charged me to be a good knight.

To defend the weak and the innocent.

Serve the realm with all my might. And I swore that I would.

Any knight can make a knight, it's true.

Were there witnesses to your dubbing?

Only a Robin in a Thorn tree.

This is ashford town, lad.

Know what comes to men here who pretend at sacred oaths?

- I'm not... - we hang you

naked by your hands and your feet...

Lower you down asshole first onto a sharpened point

and fuck you dry.

Call it the ashford chair. So, I ask you again.

Were there witnesses to your dubbing besides a fuckin' songbird?

Well, the... see, it was raining.

I'm bullshitting you.

"Ashford chair."

You take a boot to the head?

This is the reach, not the river lands.

- "Ashford chair." - Think we're fending off

some scourge of cottagers, scuttling about, entering tourneys?

You'd need coin.

Armor. Horses. Men.

Training, gods be good.

Imagine the poor farmer charging down lyonel Baratheon in the lists.

That would be... a different sort of entertainment.

Well, I'm no farmer.

Yet you've come dressed as one.

Look, man, my lord ashford

fancies himself of great import. Gods know why.

Well, that means I'm to ward off every landed knight

and sell sword vying to challenge.

You understand? There are princes about.

No, of course.

Your late master.

He'll be known to the true knights here assembled?

There was a pavilion flying the banner of house dondarrion.

Aye, ser manfred of that house.

Ser arlan served his lord father in dorne a few years past.

Ser manfred will remember us.

By scent alone, no doubt.

If he'll speak to your good honor, bring him here with you

before the tourney begins on the morrow.

Leave your escorts behind.

- As you say. - Aye.

You are aware that those vanquished in tourney

forfeit their arms, armor, and horse to the Victors, and must ransom them back?

- Aye. - And you have coin

- to pay such ransom? - Gods, no.

I mean, I won't have need of coin.

Seven fu...

Mind those two. Good girl.

Pardon, sers. I need speak with ser manfred.

Good.

He's napping, ser. Wake him for a stag.

I...

I don't have a stag.

What kind of knight don't got a stag?

- It's a hedge knight, ain't it? - What?

It's like a knight, but sadder.

No, I'm... I'm not sad...

he's gotta sleep in the hedges 'cause no lord'll have it.

Aw. That is sad.

And ser manfred's fucked its wife, too.

No, I don't have a wife.

'Cause we're used to husbands coming 'round.

Likes fucking wives, that one.

Near as much as he likes fucking us.

Told me he's on a mission to turn the whole world red.

- Well, we're already red. - So we are.

Well, when do you expect ser manfred to wake, then?

It might wanna try back at even fall.

Evenfall.

- Goodbye. - Yeah.

Arse.

Why'd she say that?

We're not sad.

Certainly not rising-to-the-level-of-a-comment sad.

Besides, ser arlan always said that...

A hedge knight was the truest kind of knight.

When we win our first tilt, we'll have the loser's armor

and horse, or his gold.

Won't be sad then.