Silicon Valley

Whoo. Yeah.

Somebody make some motherfucking noise in here!

Fuck these people.

- -

Man, this place is unbelievable.

Fucking Goolybib, man.

Those guys build a mediocre piece of software,

that might be worth something someday,

and now they live here.

There's money flying all over Silicon Valley

but none of it ever seems to hit us.

What the hell are you eating?

Liquid shrimp. It's 200 dollars a quart.

Wylie Dufresne made it.

How does it taste?

Like how I would imagine cum tastes.

You guys taking it all in?

Because this is what it looks like when

Google acquires your company for over 200 million dollars.

Look Dustin Moskovitz.

Elon Musk. Eric Schmidt.

Whatever the fuck the guy's name is who created Photrio.

I mean, Kid Rock is the poorest person here.

Apart from you guys.

OK, there's 40 billion dollars

of net worth, walking around this party.

And you guys are standing around drinking shrimp

and talking about what cum tastes like.

Yeah, I heard that. You guys live in my incubator

You've got to network. That's why I brought you here.

I got us in here.

Javeed over there is my ex-room-mate.

Yeah, but I drove.

Eric Schmidt, Erlich Bachman.

It's amazing how the men and women at these things

always separate like this.

Yeah, every party in Silicon Valley ends up like a Hasidic wedding.

Not even the Goolybib guys were talking to girls.

They don't have to, Big Head.

This house talks to girls.

Hello! Whoo!

I got seven words for you.

I love

Goolybib's integrated-

multi-platform-functionality!

- Yeah! Whoo! -

But seriously,

you know, a few days ago, when we were sitting down with Barak Obama,

I turned to these guys and said,

"OK, you know, we're making a lot of money.

And yes, we're disrupting digital media.

But most importantly

we're making the world a better place.

Through constructing elegant

hierarchies for maximum code reuse and extensibility."

So everyone.

Here's to many more nights just like this one.

Take it away, my good friend, Kid Rock.

What a dick.

Big Head, there is a personal ad section

on this Asperger site.

Holy shit, this one is looking for

a "relationship that has the potential to become

sexual in nature."

Boy, is she on the spectrum.

She can't even make eye contact with the camera.

Richard, can I talk to you for a second?

- Solo. - Mm-hmm.

We need to talk about Pied Piper.

What about it? The website's up and running,

I'm just redesigning the compression. It just needs users.

Yeah, no shit.

But even if somebody wanted to use it

they wouldn't be able to figure out how to. It's incomprehensible.

Now, Richard, when you pitched me

Pied Piper you said it was gonna be, "The Google of Music."

Which is a really rad way to pitch something.

I mean, I liked it. I thought it had "Applications".

No, it has all that. Look, when it blows up,

and it will once it reaches a critical mass of users,

Pied Piper will be able to search the whole world

of recorded music to find out if there's a match to see if

you're infringing on any copy righted material.

So, if you're a song writer or a band...

OK, first of all, nobody gives a shit

about stealing other people's music, OK?

Everybody involved in the music industry

is either stealing it or sharing it.

They're all a bunch of assholes, especially Radiohead.

- Look, Richard... - No.

Yeah, they're assholes.

Now, look, Richard, if you want to live here,

you've got to deliver.

I can't have dead weight at my incubator, OK?

Either that, or show some promise for fuck's sake.

Like NipAlert. Big Head's app.

It gives you the location of a woman with erect nipples.

Now, that's something people want.

Richard, you need to get in touch with humanity.

When I sold my company, Aviato,

I wanted to give back. That's why I started this place,

to do something big. To make a difference.

You know, like Steve.

Uh, Jobs or Wozniak?

Steve Jobs or Steve...

Oh, I heard you.

- Which one? - Jobs.

I mean, Jobs was a poser. He didn't even write code.

You just disappeared up your own asshole.

- You know that? You did. - Well, technically...

Big Head, I'm gonna be meditating.

He knew how to package the ideas, but it was Wozniak that...

What is Hooli? Excellent question.

Hooli isn't just another high tech company.

Hooli isn't just about software.

Hooli. Hooli is about people.

Hooli is about innovative technology

that makes a difference,

transforming the world as we know it.

Making the world a better place,

through minimal message oriented transport layers.

I firmly believe we can only achieve greatness

if first we achieve goodness.

Erlich is gonna kick me out.

And I can't afford to pay rent here.

It's insane. $2800 a month,

$4500 a month... with five people.

Jesus! Why is it so expensive here?

Look at this place, it's a shithole.

Uh-oh. Here's another one.

Miss Palo Alto, 2K14.

There she goes.

Oh God, the marketing team is having another bike meeting.

Douchebags.

Yup, another day inside the Gavin Belson cult compound.

Hey, did you hear what Peter Gregory is doing?

You mean buying that island in the Pacific?

No, he's building one actually.

Baller.

Anyway, he's also offering a hundred K

to people willing to skip or drop out of college

to pursue their idea.

I don't know what happened to that guy,

but he really hates college.

Anyway, he's doing a TED TALKS in Palo Alto tonight.

- We should try to get in. - I dropped out of college.

Maybe I should re-enroll and drop out again.

Try and get the money.

Brogrammers.

Oh, no, no.

Hey, uh, a double macchiato for me, dude.

Yeah.

Hey, Rico, you been working out?

No. No, I have not.

I don't have time to even if I wanted to.

I'm too busy working on my website.

Uh, I just, I don't want to end up being a Hooli lifer.

You know, working here forever.

Yeah, working for the most innovative company in the world,

with top pay and vested stock options.

I can totally see why you wouldn't want that.

Yeah, you're like an artist. An entrepreneur.

An iconoclast.

I don't know, maybe.

Dude, We're just messing with you.

But we really want to help you with your site.

What's it called?

Pied Piper.

- Dude, sounds amazing. - Yeah.

Why don't you shoot it over to us and we'll give it a look.

Maybe we can help.

- Uh, really? - Yeah.

OK, yeah.

I mean it's always good to have more eyes on it.

It's... Sent it.

Oh, you're making fun of me.

- Dude, no. - No, you are.

- Aw, Ricky, man. - Ricky. Ricky, come back.

It's actually Richard, so that's...

- Pied wiper. - Wide diaper.

Gates, Ellison,

Jobs, Dell.

All dropped out of college.

Silicon Valley is the cradle of innovation

because of drop outs.

College... has become a cruel

expensive joke on the poor

and the middle class

that benefits only the perpetrators of it.

- The bloated administrators. - You are a dangerous man,

spewing ignorance!

I don't think so.

I'm just saying people should trust themselves

more than a system that happily churns out unemployed debtors

and provides dubious value.

The true value of a college education is intangible.

The true value of snake-oil is intangible as well.

Fascist.

Anything?

The usual riffs on Twitter and Instagram.