Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

I don't wanna scare anyone,

but I'm gonna give it to you straight about Jason.

His body was never recovered from the lake after he drowned.

If you listen to the old-timers in town, they'll tell you he's still out there.

Camp Crystal Lake is jinxed.

It's got a death curse.

Some folks claim they've even seen him

right in this area.

Who is that?

Oh, hi. What are you doing out in this mess?

The girl who survived that night at Camp Blood,

that Friday the 13th,

she claims she saw him.

The boy. Is he dead too?

We didn't find any boy.

Then he's still there.

She disappeared two months later.

Legend has it that Jason saw his mother beheaded that night.

And he took his revenge.

A revenge that he'll continue to seek if anyone enters his wilderness again.

Jason was my son. And today is his birthday.

That's a good boy.

Good. Good Jason.

Jason's out there.

No! Aah! Aah!

You can't be alive!

Got another white coming in, Larry.

Let's keep the area clear.

Where are they?

What do you need and where do you need it?

We got 10 of them. Yours is in the barn.

What's wrong with him?

He's dead.

Yeah, they're all dead. You can pull it up over there.

All dead. Some emergency.

Put her over there.

This the guy that's been leaving the wet stuff?

Yeah.

This time he got seven kids and three bikers.

This time they got him.

- Lainie? - Hmm?

- Belt him. - Yeah.

What's the matter with you? He's dead.

Okay, boys and girls, let's get rolling!

God!

Dr. Wellsely to O.R. 2.

Here, sign it.

Hmm? Mm.

- This your last? - No, got one more over there.

- Real cute girl. - Was.

She still is.

- All you gotta do is go over there. - Nice talk. Real nice talk.

I get the top copy.

- Take care, Axel. - Mm.

Man, he's crazy.

Miss Aaron, telephone, please. Miss Aaron.

- I'm free, doll. - And a bargain at twice the price.

- Hey. What's the matter? - I have a headache, Axel.

For you, I always have a headache.

Oh, I can fix that.

Meet me in the cold room.

I'm closing up for the night. What do you say? Okay?

Axel, I am not going to fake any more orgasms for you.

You got the curse?

If I do, you're it.

Axel?

Axel.

Oh, Axel.

Axel?

Aah! God, Axel!

I'm so glad you could come.

Axel, you are the Super Bowl of self-abuse!

I just came to watch the news.

Now back to today's news. The tragic story of mass slayings...

And so begins yet another chapter in a story

most residents of Crystal Lake had prayed was over.

A trail of mangled bodies has finally led local authorities to conclude-

I really came to watch the news.

We're still awaiting positive identification of the body.

But to answer your question, yes,

the man responsible for the murders in Wessex County

this past week is at this moment

in the Wessex County Medical Center morgue.

- Yeah! - Hey.

That's you they're talking about on TV, pal.

I don't believe you, Axel.

- Then shut my mouth. - My mouth.

In the wake of what will always be known as the Crystal Lake massacres.

And now back to you, Bill.

Jesus Christmas!

Holy Jesus goddamn!

Holy Jesus jumping Christmas shit!

You better get that sucker in the icebox!

I must be nuts! I mean, I really.

Good night, Axel.

Hey, where are you going?

I'll tell you where I'm going, I'm going crazy!

Shit! Shit!

Hi, girls. Thanks for waiting.

Oh, no.

Shit!

Get lost, Axel, I'm busy.

I've had more than enough of you for one night.

Read my lips. Leave me alone! Aah! No!

- I talked to Dad. - How is he?

Oh. He said he was lonely. He asked me to come out and see him.

- Did he tell you to take a number? - No, but he asked about you.

Did he?

Actually, you really should go out there to see him.

Yeah, I know.

I bet he could stand a visit.

What do you think?

I think you're getting horny.

Tommy, turn that down!

Mom, I got 98,000.

How many robots is that?

35.

Now, why don't you try killing a few more up in your room?

I can't. I need a bypass patch cord.

Maybe you can get one in town.

Trish will drive you.

Oh, honey, get a haircut, hmm?

Oh, Ma.

That's a nice mask.

Do I have to get a haircut?

You're getting pretty terrific at making those things.

Thanks. I just customized it.

Where's Gordon?

He went out.

Oh. Someone left the front door open.

We're in the country.

Well, what happens if the psycho wanders in?

He'd probably challenge him to a game of "Zaxxon."

Hear any more about the place next door?

Mm-hm. It's been rented by some kids.

- Great. - How many?

- Six. - It'll be nice to have some company.

So to speak. And would you lighten up on her?

She's all right.

Yeah, I'll say she's all right.

You should have treated her right.

I mean, that girl wanted to be treated right.

I did. I did. I treated her right.

I treated her right. That's what's driving me so crazy.

I mean, first I would call her and she would take my calls

but she would have something to do.

And then she wouldn't even take my calls.

I mean, can you figure that? What the fuck happened?

Let me put it in the old computer.

- No, I'm serious about this. - Hey, the computer don't lie.

Now, let's see.

What?

It says...

It says you're a dead fuck.

What? A dead fuck?

A lousy lay. You know?

- A dead pecker. - Oh, I see.

Don't hold it back from me, doc. Give it to me straight.

I did not say it. The computer did.

- Yeah, well, there is no computer! - Aha! And there's no Betty either.

Then I'm a dead fuck.

Like I said, the computer don't lie.

God, I'm horny.

Where are we now?

Lost.

We are lost.

Pretty creepy, huh?

Yeah.

All right, I think I got it.

Go straight ahead two miles and hang a right.

Paul, let's pick her up.

Sammy, where we gonna put her?

Hey, honey, you got a sister?

Ruff, ruff!

Oh, Mom, I thought we were having pizza.

I thought so too, honey, but we've got a refrigerator full of leftovers.

You're not smiling.

You're not in the mood for my tuna salad?

- Well. - I'm not either.

I'm in the mood for-

- No. - Yes.

- I feel like... - No!

A Jarvis sandwich!

- Wait, somebody's at the door. - Oh, no, you don't.

No, Mom, I heard that too.

I'll go.

Gordon! Hey, Gordon.

Where have you been, huh, Gordon?

Have you been sneaking around?

- Do you have a girlfriend or something? - Tommy, close the door.

Listen, Gordon, we'll talk later.

All right.

- Hit me with the beer. - You got it.

- See? What did I tell you? - What?

You told me you were horny.

No, see I've come to realize that a guy can have

a good time without having to have girls all about.

That's a sin, you dead fuck.

I really, really don't want you to call me that anymore.

Aw.