South Park

* I'M GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *

* GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME *

* FRIENDLY FACES EVERYWHERE *

* HUMBLE FOLKS WITHOUT TEMPTATION *

* GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *

* GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND *

* AMPLE PARKING DAY OR NIGHT *

* PEOPLE SPOUTING "HOWDY NEIGHBOR" *

* HEADED ON UP TO SOUTH PARK *

* GONNA SEE IF I CAN'T UNWIND *

* ( mumbling ) *

* COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK *

* AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE *

THE POPULAR CARTOON "FAMILY GUY"

IS GOING TO SHOW THE IMAGE OF MOHAMMED UNCENSORED !

IF WE ALL BURY OUR HEADS IN SAND,

WE CAN AVOID BEING ANY PART OF THIS !

I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER I CAN

TO GET THAT EPISODE PULLED

BEFORE THIS GETS OUT OF HAND.

YOU JUST WANT FAMILY GUY OFF THE AIR.

KYLE, STOP IT !

SO LONG KYLE !

YOU SON OF A BITCH, I WON'T LET YOU WIN !

MR. PRESIDENT...

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF

I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW.

AND NOW, THE THRILLING CONCLUSION OF "CARTOON WARS"...

WILL NOT BE SEEN TONIGHT !

SO THAT WE CAN BRING YOU THIS

TERRANCE AND PHILLIP TELEVISION SPECIAL !

SAY TERRANCE, ISN'T IT WONDERFUL HAVING A HOLIDAY

HERE AT THE LAZY-J RANCH ?

IT SURE IS, PHILLIP.

BUT I DO BELIEVE THIS STEER I'M RIDING HAS THE FARTS.

HA HA HA HA HA !

OH LOOK WHO'S COMING !

ISN'T THAT MOHAMMED,

THE HOLY PROPHET OF THE MUSLIM RELIGION ?

HEY GUYS, HOW'S IT GOING ?

HELLO, MOHAMMED.

WE'VE READ ALL ABOOT YOU IN THE KORAN.

I'M HERE TO INVESTIGATE A MURDER.

ALRIGHT, JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ? !

YOU CENSORED OUT THE IMAGE MOHAMMED

IN OUR TELEVISION SPECIAL !

AY, YOU GUYS KNOW THE RULES.

NOBODY CAN SHOW THE IMAGE OF MOHAMMED ANYMORE,

IT'S DANGEROUS.

BUT YOU RUINED THE WHOLE SHOW !

LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO RISK THE LIVES

OF THE PEOPLE AT THIS NETWORK.

LET'S JUST FORGET ABOOT IT, OKAY GUYS ?

HA, HA, HA-HAA...

OH COME ON GUYS, GIVE ME A BREAK !

WE DEMAND YOU RERUN 'MYSTERY AT THE LAZY J RANCH'

WITH MOHAMMED UNCENSORED !

AY, I RUN THIS NETWORK, NOT YOU GUYS !

AND IF YOU ASK ME, YOUR SHOW HAS BECOME

SO PREACHY AND FULL OF MESSAGES

THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN TO BE FUNNY.

NO MOHAMMED !

BUT "FAMILY GUY" IS GOING TO SHOW MOHAMMED

ON AN EPISODE THAT AIRS TONIGHT !

I DOUBT IT !

I'LL BET THAT RIGHT NOW,

SOMEBODY IS ON THEIR WAY TO FOX NETWORK

TO DEMAND THAT THAT EPISODE BE PULLED !

MA'AM, I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THE PRESIDENT OF THIS NETWORK

RIGHT AWAY.

WHAT IS IT REGARDING ?

IT'S REGARDING "FAMILY GUY".

I DEMAND THAT THE MOHAMMED EPISODE BE PULLED

BEFORE IT AIRS TONIGHT.

IT'S INCENDIARY, IT'S OFFENSIVE TO MUSLIMS

AND PEOPLE CAN GET HURT.

IT'S WRONG, IT'S WRONGGGG !

OKAY, BUT IF YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH FAMILY GUY

YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE.

THAT LITTLE BOY OVER THERE HAS AN APPOINTMENT

TO TRY AND GET FAMILY GUY OFF THE AIR ALTOGETHER.

DUDE, CAN I GO BEFORE YOU ?

EAT MY SHORTS.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ?

HELLO ?

EXCUSE ME, I NEED TO GET TO LOS ANGELES !

HEY !

HELLO ? !

...STARTING IN A SMALL TOWN IN CENTRAL COLORADO,

THE IDEA HAS NOW SPREAD ALL OVER AMERICA.

MUSLIM'S CONTINUE TO RIOT IN THE MIDDLE EAST,

DEMANDING THAT FAMILY GUY NOT AIR TONIGHT'S EPISODE.

AND MUSLIM TERRORISTS CONTINUE TO MAKE THREATS.

OSAMA BIN LADEN HAD THIS TO SAY.

BIN LADEN WENT ON TO SAY

THAT IF FAMILY GUY SHOWS THE IMAGE OF MOHAMMED AS PLANNED

THE TERRORIST RETALIATION WILL BE IMMEDIATE.

YOU ONE OF THEM ? WHO ?

HOW COME YOUR HEAD AIN'T IN THE SAND ?

SO... YOU DON'T LIKE FAMILY GUY EITHER, HUH ?

I HATE FAMILY GUY.

SO WHAT'S YOUR PLAN ?

YOU'RE GONNA ASK THE PRESIDENT OF THE NETWORK, NICELY,

TO TAKE IT OFF THE AIR ?

NOT NICELY.

LOOK, KID, IF YOU HATE A TV SHOW,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET AN EPISODE PULLED.

PRETTY SOON THE SHOW IS COMPROMISED

AND IT GOES OFF THE AIR.

COOL, MAN !

YES, SO MY PLAN IS TO USE THIS WHOLE MOHAMMED THING

AS A WAY TO SCARE THE NETWORK INTO PULLING TONIGHT'S SHOW.

I'M GOING TO USE FEAR TO GET THEM TO DO WHAT I WANT.

ISN'T THAT LIKE TERRORISM ?

NO, IT ISN'T LIKE TERRORISM,

IT I TERRORISM.

I CAN DO THAT !

THIS IS MANIPULATION AT ITS HIGHEST LEVEL.

YOU SHOULD LET ME HANDLE THIS.

I'M A PRETTY BAD KID.

REALLY ? WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE ?

I STOLE THE HEAD OFF A STATUE ONCE.

WOW, THAT'S PRETTY HARD CORE.

GEEZ, THAT'S LIKE THIS ONE TIME,

WHEN I DIDN'T LIKE A KID,

SO I GROUND HIS PARENTS UP INTO CHILI AND FED IT TO HIM.

YOU GOT IT, MAN, YOU GOT IT.

SEE YA.

I WANT TO ASSURE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE,

THAT AS PRESIDENT,

I HAVE EXHAUSTED EVERY POSSIBLE SOLUTION.

UNFORTUNATELY, MOHAMMED WILL APPEAR UNCENSORED

ON FAMILY GUY 00.

MR. PRESIDENT ! MR. PRESIDENT !

MR. PRESIDENT, CAN'T THE WRITERS OF THE SHOW BE REASONED WITH ?

DON'T THEY KNOW THEY ARE PUTTING THE COUNTRY IN DANGER ?

I HAVE COME TO... UNDERSTAND

SOMETHING ABOUT THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF.

SUFFICE IT TO SAY,

THAT THEY WILL NOT BE PERSUADED

BY THE POSSIBILITY OF VIOLENCE.

MR. PRESIDENT ! MR. PRESIDENT !

WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU LEARN

ABOUT THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF, MR. PRESIDENT ?

I'M AFRAID THAT INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED.

MR. PRESIDENT ! MR. PRESIDENT ! AWWW !

MR. PRESIDENT, CAN'T YOU FORCE THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF

NOT TO WRITE ANYTHING ABOUT MOHAMMED.

COULDN'T YOU THROW THEM IN PRISON ?

LOOK, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS

THAT THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF

IS PROTECTED BY SOMETHING CALLED "THE FIRST AMENDMENT".

AND WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS FIRST AMENDMENT, MR. PRESIDENT ?

YOU KNOW... RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH.

MR. PRESIDENT ! AWWW ! MR. PRESIDENT !

MR. PRESIDENT, WHEN YOUR ADMINISTRATION

CAME UP WITH THIS FIRST AMENDMENT,

DID IT NOT FORESEE A PROBLEM LIKE THIS MIGHT HAPPEN ?

WELL, WE DIDN'T COME UP WITH THE FIRST AMENDMENT.

IT WAS ALREADY IN PLACE.

WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO ABOUT THIS 'FIRST AMENDMENT' MR. PRESIDENT ?

FORGIVE ME, MR. PRESIDENT BUT THIS 'FIRST AMENDMENT'

SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF BUREAUCRATIC JIBBERY JOO.

THAT'S RIGHT YEAH.

OKAY, LET'S DISCUSS THE FALL LINEUP...

SIR, THERE'S STILL ONE LITTLE BOY OUT HERE

WHO WANTS TO SPEAK WITH YOU

ABOUT PULLING THE FAMILY GUY EPISODE.

ALRIGHT, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.

HELLO GENTLEMEN... LADIES...

MY NAME IS 'LITTLE DANNY POCKET'

AND I WON'T TAKE MUCH OF YOUR TIME.

PLEASE EXCUSE MY TINY CRUTCH,

IT'S THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET AROUND THESE DAYS.

OWW...

POOR KID. OH, POOR KID POOR KID, YES.

YOU SEE... MY FATHER WORKED FOR A NEWSPAPER

IN MY NATIVE COUNTRY OF DENMAK.

HIS NEWSPAPER SHOWED AN IMAGE OF MOHAMMED AND

TWO DAYS LATER, TERRORISTS SUICIDE BOMBED HIS BUILDING.

I WAS IN THE LOBBY WHEN IT HAPPENED.

FIRST ONE TERRORIST SUICIDE BOMBED US,

THEN DOZENS MORE.

THEY JUST KEPT COMING...

SUICIDE BOMBERS RUNNING IN THE BUILDING

AND BLOWING UP, ONE AFTER ANOTHER.

THEY WERE LIKE MEXICAN JUMPING BEANS.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE

PEOPLE HERE AT YOUR STUDIO GETTING HURT.

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE, OF COURSE, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

I FEEL TERRIBLE...

IT'S SO EASY TO PUT TERRORISM OUT OF MIND

UNTIL ONE OF ITS VICTIMS IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE.

SIR, IF WE PULL THE EPISODE

THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF

WILL REFUSE TO WORK AGAIN.

LITTLE BOY - WILL YOU TALK TO THE FAMILY GUY WRITING STAFF ?

IF YOUR STORY TOUCHES THEIR HEARTS LIKE IT HAS OURS,

PERHAPS THEY'LL BACK DOWN

FROM DEMANDING WE AIR THE EPISODE.