Ricky Stanicky

What are you? A dog or a cow?

I'm a dog, but not just a dog.

I'm a dog with a boner. Check it out!

Well, there it is. Is the poop ready?

That's a roger on the poop.

Oh, holy crap, how big was that dog?

Small, but there was seven of them.

I'll give you three reasons why this is a bad idea.

One, cops. Two, dogs.

Three, NRA front door.

Quit worrying, Dean. These people deserve it.

They never give out candy.

Yeah, but remember last time we pulled something like this?

Dean got his arm broke.

That's because he ran off alone and fell in a ditch.

If he just sticks with us, he'll be fine.

Come on! Let's do this.

Okay...

Go!

Ahh, uh-oh...

It's getting kinda big-ish.

- Come on! - Quick!

No!

Doo-doo in mouth! Doo-doo in mouth!

Let's get out of here!

We can't - there's people in there!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

The scarecrow set your house on fire.

No one's home. We gotta call 911!

Dude! You're seriously overreacting.

Call 911!

Hey, look! They do give out candy.

We're so dead!

Oh, my God! My father's going to kill me.

Come on, let's go. Let's get out of here.

Wait! Wait a second, I got an idea.

- Who's got a pen? - Use Wes's dick!

Quick! Give me a first name.

Zeus!

A kid's name!

- Ricky! - Okay.

Now a last name.

I got it! Stanton.

Wait, no! What? That's my last name.

So? Your first name's not Ricky.

- Come on. - Come on.

Go!

Check this out.

Numb-nuts kid caught his jacket on fire during his prank.

Here's the best part.

His mommy wrote his name on the collar.

'Ricky Stanicky'?

Dumb shit.

Bad news, Chief. Just heard back.

No Stanickys in the school district.

Kid must be from out of town.

Shit.

I can't believe that actually worked.

Guys, I think we just made a friend for life.

Want to grab a quick drink?

Why would you have a quick drink...

...when you can have the long drink?

In Finland, the happiest country on Earth,

we invented the long drink...

That's it for the beer in the garage.

Do we need to run out and get more?

No. That's perfect.

You sure?

- Yeah. The place looks amazing. - Yeah?

Maybe this would be a good side hustle for us.

Erin and Dean's baby showers.

- I like it. - Yeah.

And that's when Gilbert Gines realized

that the answer to gang violence

may be found in the spit-valve of a well-worn trumpet.

What is this?

Uh, it's a show called 'Hero of the Week'.

It's about everyday people who do these incredible things.

My producer at Channel 6 wants me to submit for it.

He says he has a good contact there.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Well, if I want MFMBC to notice me,

what I need are better assignments,

but all I get are these babies-who-Tweet stories.

Mm!

Speaking of babies,

can you please hang these pictures up for me, over there.

It's JT and Susan's baby pictures.

Jesus, God! Was JT born with adult teeth?

Oh, come on, his teeth are cute. Look at that.

Cute? He looks like hillbilly Hitler.

- You think all babies are cute. - All babies are cute.

Yeah, sure.

And the remotes are sticky for like 20 years.

Well, there are good things

about having kids too, you know.

- Really? - Yeah.

I don't remember my parents feeling that way.

You don't think your parents enjoyed having kids?

It doesn't matter. What we have is way better.

It's what we always talked about.

Hmm.

I love you.

You love me.

- We love Paul. - Hmm.

And we don't need anyone else.

Oh, my God! JT, leave me alone!

It is my baby shower, I'm going to have one drink. One!

Dr. Kurihara said it is perfectly fine. Hello.

Dr. Kurihara is part of the medical industrial complex,

and Midwife Maggie said you're on a strict vegan diet

and absolutely no alcohol.

Okay, well you are not Midwife Maggie, you are my husband.

Yeah, I know, but I'm also Daddy Doula.

- That's my job. - You gotta stop saying that.

You're going to make the baby throw up.

They can't... Can they throw up inside of there?

Wait, JT's your doula?

Yeah, he also wants to be naked when the baby is born.

- Don't you? - I don't want to be naked.

I just want my shirt off, okay,

for the first embrace, skin to skin.

It's a bonding thing.

- Good. - Hey, you better get that.

That's the fourth time Ricky called in, like, 20 minutes.

Yeah, see what he wants, man.

He's been blowing me up all day.

- Really? - Yeah.

All right.

Stanicky! What up, man? How's it going?

I'm going to get you a tea, not wine, don't drink.

Yeah, hey I'm in the middle of something right now. I just...

Are you serious?

Uh-huh. Okay.

Well, just do me a favor and have someone call me

when you get out of surgery, all right?

So you're all alone?

Shit, man, that sucks.

All right, hang in there.

We'll all be sending you positive vibes

from over here, buddy.

Love you too, man.

What's going on? What did he say?

It's back.

What's back?

- The cancer. - Oh, God.

I thought he was out of the woods.

Poor guy.

Are they going to have to remove the...

...other testicle?

And can they even do that?

I thought you needed at least one to live.

What? No! That's kidneys, dumbo.

Where is he?

He's in a hospital in Albany.

Albany? Why is he in Albany?

He flew in from Nairobi to meet with some non-profits

and he had an attack.

They're gonna open him up tonight.

Dean, you should drive out there.

The poor guy's all alone.

I can't go tonight. What about the baby shower?

And Summerhayes is going to be here.

What? You're worried about your boss?

Come on, he's just business.

Ricky's been there for you guys your whole lives.

Dude, just go. I've got Summerhayes covered.

What? No, no, no, no.

You should call him

and tell him you have a family emergency.

You should go with Dean.

Are you serious? Babe, we can't both bail on the boss.

Yes! Yes, you can.

I mean, he'll probably be relieved

that he doesn't have to go to a baby shower.

Well, looks like we're going to Albany.

You were right, man -

the Summerhayes thing totally put it over the top.

The Devil's in the details, my friend.

What the hell took y'all so long?

- The flight leaves in an hour. - Oh, sorry.

We were doing all the work

executing our brilliant last-minute plan.

Who made the Stanicky calls?

Who cares who did what, Wes? The point is it worked.

We got out of a baby shower,

and we got tickets to Marc-fucking-Rebillet!

Whoo!

- How'd you score those babies? - Yeah, this guy we work with

broke one of his ankles last night.

He fell out of a tree trying to get his kid's balloon.

- Poor guy. - So we got his tickets.

Goddamn, y'all so lucky, man!

This kind of shit happens to you all the time.

Hey! Good things happen to good people.

That's right. Atlantic City, here we come.

Let's tear New Jersey a new armpit!

Whoa!

It's not the same but it feels just as good.

I mean, you just have to have sex on the side like a walrus.