Abzurdah

Hello.

Hogweed says: Hi.

Hogweed says: I've heard you're very pretty.

Abzurdah says: You're wrong.

Hogweed says: I don't think so.

Hogweed says: How are you?

Abzurdah says: Sad.

Hogweed says: Why?

Abzurdah says: Broken heart.

Hogweed says: Pretty and with a broken heart?

Abzurdah says: Yep.

Hogweed says: Confirmed. Then you are pretty.

My name is Cielo.

Yes, Cielo.

My parents spent my whole childhood saying I was special.

I have two younger siblings, but I was raised as an only child.

Big mistakes are always made with the first child.

I'm my parents' little guinea pig.

Upper-middle class.

I lived in La Plata during my childhood and teenage years.

I've always been pretty self-sufficient, self-centered and arrogant.

Perhaps some of you are perfect. Well... I'm not.

When I was 18, I moved to Buenos Aires city, to Caballito.

I lived in a very nice flat whose walls I left stained with blood.

I'll talk about that later. I won't spoil the ending for you.

What else? I don't know.

Instead of saying who I am, I'd rather say who I'm not.

I'm not normal.

Lopatín? Good.

Bracken? Very good.

Trincadelli? Okay, good.

Mendelberg? Very clever.

Puebla? Poor.

Foster? Well, okay. Saavedra?

Good.

Juncker? Interesting. Cortez?

Good.

Latini?

Silence!

Okay. We'll talk later, Latini.

I like it.

-It's pretty. -That's not the problem, Cielo.

I want to see a psychologist.

-What for? -I have no friends.

At your age, I didn't have any friends either.

Are you saying it's hereditary?

-No, she means it'll pass. -Besides, you do have friends.

What about that girl from your swimming class?

Taty, she's so sweet.

- Isn't she your friend? - No.

I want to switch schools.

-You can't now, it's almost end of term. -I don't care if it's end of term.

-Cielo, you'll have to put up with it. -Why don't you put up with it?

We're not transferring you to another school again.

Yes, I had friends, until one of them stole Cocol from me,

the love of my life.

I was feeling very lonely when Hogweed appeared.

He told me his real name was Alejo. We used to chat a lot.

Sometimes in group chats and sometimes in private.

We were only virtual friends, nothing more.

Hogweed says: Still sad?

Abzurdah says: I can't get him out of my head.

Hogweed says: It happens to all of us.

Abzurdah says: Really? Who's on your mind?

Hogweed says: Doesn't matter. Forget about Cocol.

Hogweed says: I'd never trade you for another girl.

Abzurdah says: Thank you... I want to switch schools.

Hogweed says: Then leave.

Abzurdah says: It's not that easy...

Our worse regrets come from the things we dare not do.

Abzurdah says: You're right...

Abzurdah says: It seems like you're always right.

Hogweed says: Bye. Abzurdah says: Bye.

Hogweed says: Sweet kiss.

Abzurdah says: New school, new uniform.

Abzurdah says: Impossible to look cool.

-Horrible. -Reproduction

is a biologic process with two basic types.

Different schools, same fauna.

Another year in prison.

Let's see. Funes.

What type of pollination do you know?

Wind pollination. Wind pollination.

-Wind pollination. -Very good.

Hary, Agustina and Tamy are the only acceptable ones.

They call them "the gang".

I love them and now I'm a member too.

Hogweed says: If the Gang is drowning

and I'm drowning too, who would you rescue?

It's easier for me to rescue you because you're just one person.

I swallowed water. I'll need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Hogweed says: Will you save me?

You're all fired up today, eh?

Want me to take you off the private chat and go on the group chat?

Hogweed says: Chicken.

Sassy!

If you want to, take me off the private chat

so we can arrange the group meeting.

What meeting?

Hogweed says: With the chat members.

We didn't tell you before because you're the youngest.

-Pizza or billiards? -Pizza place or I'm out.

-You have no street smrts. -You have no "a".

-Pizza and champagne! -Saturday at 8. Confirm.

Hogweed says: So? Will I see you or not?

See you on Saturday.

Hogweed says: I'll be waiting. Sweet kiss.

...tell him you're clumsy with your left foot.

-Don't say that! -But he's clumsy.

He's a bit clumsy with his left foot.

Ask him to place you as center forward

so you can score a goal from time to time.

-But I scored one today. -Did you?

-Yes. -Good, very good.

-Eat that. -May I go?

-We already said no. -Why not? I've been behaving well.

You were expelled from school a month ago, Cielo.

-Yes, but I'd been getting good grades. -You were still expelled.

-We don't know those people. -She doesn't know them either.

-Why are you laughing? I know them! -They don't know each other, it's crazy.

I do know them. Why are you laughing?

They might have other interests. You'll get bored.

I live bored, that's why I want to go.

-She should go to the club. -Yes, go to the club.

Go to swimming classes with your sister.

Adolescence is a turning point. Everybody says so.

I know, Cielo. Every self-help book says it. Thank you very much.

-What's that? -What did you do?

-What's wrong? -There's chicken all over the floor!

You can't have a peaceful meal in his house. Stand up. Sara!

Sara!

-Fede, you're a pig. -Why can't we have lunch in peace?

Everyday there's an issue!

You go to bed so late...

I can't believe you won't let me go.

-It's a weird plan. -It's not weird.

It's early at a pizza place.

-I'm sorry, Sara. -It's alright, sir. No problem.

Done.

Could you talk to mom?

Will you?

-I don't know. -Yes!

Mind you: If I don't like the people or the place,

you're not staying.

Understood?

Yes.

-Artie? -Yes.

-What are you doing? No, mom... -No speeches. I'm not your father.

Either you go in or we're leaving.

-Hi. -Good evening.

-Hi. -Hi.

-I'm Abzurdah. -Hi, welcome!

-Abzurdah? -We use nicknames to chat.

I'm Barbarella. But I really am Dr. Sepúlveda.

I have two beautiful kids.

This is my cell phone number.

-Thank you. -Don't worry. We're good people.

-Don't worry, okay? -Okay.

I'll pick you up in a while.

What were you saying?

You couldn't have arrived at a better time.

-We just named you champion. -Co champion.

-Co champion of what? -Among the best spellers.

And the more interesting ones, of course.

-Who is at the podium with me? -Who do you think?

-With... Hogweed? -She doesn't even know who he is!

-Yes! -Give it up for the co champion!

-Here comes the co champion! -Give him a round of applause!

We should also crown the chat's worst speller.

The other day, Mortadelo spelled "underwear" with "u" instead of "w".

Why was he even using that word?

So, what happened with your thing? Did you break up?

Yes, we broke up. We really broke up.

I followed that guy through high and low.

I even dropped out of college because he wanted to have kids.

Then I had to stop drinking. I gave up my life.

-Are you happy with that? -Are you kidding me?

Do I look happy?

I did everything. I put myself out...

for a guy. That's how it is. You fall in love and... bang!

-You haven't spoken. Tell us something. -Let's change the subject.

Are you in love?

Okay, stop with the questions. Slow down, cop.

I don't know.

-What do you mean you don't know? -No, I don't.

-Have you ever been in love? -Yes, I have.

Hey, do you want to know something else? Ask for our social security numbers...

-What else do you need? -Well, I want to know...

-Don't you fall in love? -I don't talk about my private life.

Hi.

You came.

I managed.

-Good evening. -Hi.

-Someone came to pick me up. -Cielo?

In the restroom.

Bye.

Bye.

A sweet kiss.

-How was it? -Good, good! Thank you.

Have you known each other for long?