Fancy Boy

I love you.

I love you too.

I think I'm ready to try a buggery.

Stop! Are you about to try a buggery?

Well, you need to remember the three Ls.

Look: Do they look over 25?

Listen: Do they say they're over 25?

Learn: Look at their driver's licence to determine whether or not

they're over 25.

If the answer is 'yes', then you can... Go...

... to do a buggery.

Len Philips, why exactly did you start the Anti-Buggery Party?

I'm going to stop you there because we're not the ANTI-Buggery Party,

we are the Australian Buggery Party.

There's no anti involved.

We are in fact pro-buggery but only for people over the age of 25.

And that's what we've set out to do from the beginning,

is raise the minimum legal age for buggery in this country

to 25 years of age.

For the last seven years, I've worked as a registered nurse

in rural areas and...

... and I've seen firsthand the damage that unlegislated buggery can...

... can do to communities.

And, you know, just having this haphazard approach to buggery

where people can just bugger whoever they want willy-nilly.

You know, it's not what the community needs.

You've been described as "the last honest man in politics".

Do you enjoy such a glowing label?

I do, but it's not about me.

This is about the issue.

I try to speak openly, honestly and stand by my principles

because I feel it's what the Australian public deserve.

So, Tracey, you're not just Len's wife.

You're also his campaign manager.

And, at 24,

one of the youngest campaign managers ever in the country.

Well, you know, age doesn't matter.

It's just a number, it doesn't signify anything.

But what matters to me

is just that Len's message is finally starting to pay off.

Len and Tracey Philips, thanks for joining me.

It's been our pleasure.

You know what else is a pleasure?

- What's that? - Buggery.

- But over the age... - But over the age...

Of 25. I think I'm getting it.

That's good stuff.

Hi. Just one beer, thanks.

- You're American, are you? - Yeah.

Just here on vacation.

Going up to Uluru.

Uluru?

Huh, pretty bloody far from America, Uluru is.

Yeah, I suppose it is.

Oh, leave off him, Pignut.

- There you go, love. - Thanks.

No worries.

Hey, mate, do you know Australia can be quite dangerous, can't it?

Yeah, I'm sure it can.

Yeah, a lot of dangerous wildlife out here.

Isn't that right, Damo?

That's right, Pignut. Real dangerous.

You know what the most dangerous of all is, don't you?

The drop bears.

Yeah.

Yeah. Drop bears can be real scary.

Yeah, I know they're not real. It's just a joke.

Someone has already told me about drop bears.

No, they didn't.

They did.

Basically, within minutes of me getting off the plane,

people going on about drop bears.

You're scared of drop bears, mate.

Well, I'm not.

Just say that you are.

What?

Say that you're scared of drop bears.

- Well, I'm not. - You are. You bloody are.

Do it, Baz.

- Whay! - Ohh!

Ho-ho! See! You fucking pissed yourself.

He's scared. You hated that.

You're terrified.

You stupid fucking Yank.

Aussie ripper, dude!

Fucking hell, Tammy,

I'm not giving you 50 bucks for Dad's birthday present.

It's his 60th fucking birthday, I want to get him something special.

A towel is not special.

It's a good fucking towel. It's real soft and shit.

Softness IS shit.

Why would Dad want a $120 towel?

Sometimes it's nice to have the best of shit.

Here we are.

You've got to be fucking kidding me, Jase.

What?

It's a kebab shop.

I'm not eating no fucking halal shit for lunch, no way.

Oh, would you stop going on about that shit.

Er, no. I'm not going to stop going on about that shit.

Because halal funds ISIS.

And ISIS are coming here and they are bringing their laws

and they are bringing their fucking beheadings.

Yeah, man.

Yeah, well, have fun getting beheaded.

They're going to chop your fucking head off.

It's what they do.

Fucking hell.

Now, as I say, we're not anti-buggery.

We're in fact pro-buggery.

But over the age of 25.

Anti-buggery under. Does that make sense?

- Yeah. - Sure, great.

OK, Len, just remember to get the message out and move on.

- Sure. - Senator Philips!

Not yet, son, but hopefully this weekend I will be.

Oh, I wish I was old enough to vote for you.

Well, you're too young to vote and you're too young to do a buggery

but how about you have one of Len's brown rings.

Awesome!

Now, this ring is a solemn pledge that you will not do a buggery

until you are over the age of 25.

Can you do that for me, son?

I sure can.

Well, then, here's your brown ring.

Or as I like to call it, the bugger ring.

Dad's not going to believe this.

I think we just met a young Len.

Feels good to make a difference.

Ah, Len Philips.

Bugger me.

If you're over 25, absolutely!

Hey, is my room ready yet?

No, just got to clean it up.

Perfect.

Got to get all the drop bears out.

Not you too.

Guys, I know drop bears are not real.

Mate, when you go out bush, you'll see how real they are.

Yeah, really real.

Pignut.

They're not actually real, though, are they?

You said we were just going to scare the Yank.

You said they definitely weren't real.

Baz is a bit confused, aren't you, Baz?

What?

- He's a bit fucking dumb. - Stop it! I'm not dumb.

You said we were just tricking.

Baz, can I see you outside for a second?

Why?

Just come out. Just come out here.

I just want to talk to you about something.

You guys know that we have actual bears back in America, right?

Grizzly bears that will really kill you.

They'll rip your head off.

American, you've got to check it out,

there's been a drop bear attack.

- Oh, no! - Oh, no!

- Oh, here we go. - Come on, quick.

Let's go and have a look.

I can't believe it,

your first official drop bear attack is happening.

I really don't think this is necessary.

Come on, let's have an Aussie squiz.

Oh, sounds ridgie-didgie scary out there to me.

Yeah, so I guess drop bears are real after all.

What have you done?

Oh, Pignut!

It wasn't me. It was the droppies that got him.

Jesus Christ!

Pretty brutal.

But that's the Aussie outback way of life.

We tried to warn you, mate.

You're fucking insane.

You killed him!

You dragged him out here and you fucking killed him!

- No, you don't. - I wouldn't go out there, mate.

Too many drop bears.

- Come here, you. - Yeah, sweet dreams, mate.

Ni-night.

There we go.

Hey, buddy. What can I get you?

Erm, can I get a chicken kebab combo,

large, garlic sauce,

no chilli, please.

No worries. And... you?

Er, lamb kebab combo.

- Size? - Large.

And garlic sauce, chilli?

None of that shit.

I'll have barbecue sauce...

... and cheese.

OK, won't be a minute.

I don't know why you're always going on about that crap.

Oh, sorry if I actually give a shit about this country

and don't want to bow down to sharia law and that.

Do you even give a fuck about what goes on in the world?

- No, man. - Oh, sick.

So when they come in here

and they try and kick all the white people out