On Becoming a Guinea Fowl

ALAT ELEKTRONIK MURAH & BERKUALITAS : GPS, Kalkulator, Telepon, Perkakas, HT/WT, dll. HandyCom, BEC 1 L1/G.02

(COME ON HOME BY THE LIDAJU SISTERS PLAYING)

The number you dialed has been switched off.

-Please try... -(SIGHS)

-Connected. -(LINE RINGING)

Hello?

-(MUSIC PLAYING) -(BACKGROUND VOICES TALKING)

Hello?

Hello, who's calling?

You keep saying "Hello, hello".

Who are you?

Dad, it's Shula.

-It's who? -It's Shula.

It's noisy. Who's this?

Dad, it's Shula.

Shula. I've been...

(IN ENGLISH, MIXED WITH FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Baby, what's wrong? I've been trying to call you.

You're ignoring my...

What's wrong? What have I done, Shula?

Nothing. I changed my SIM. Got back two days ago.

So, whose number is this?

It's mine. It's a new SIM.

Good. Shula! In fact, you have called at the right time.

I was telling my landlord, he wants to evict me.

I told him, "My daughter will send me money, you imbecile."

So I'm happy you've called.

I'll send it. Tell him we'll sort it out.

Good. You called at the right time.

You're OK?

Yes, I'm fine.

But Dad, listen, I'm on Kulu Road. I've seen Uncle Fred's body.

You're at Uncle Fred's house?

No, I'm on Kulu Road and I've seen Uncle Fred's body.

Uncle Fred?

No. Fred... Fred's just like that.

Come on, Fred can't die. Just sprinkle some water on him.

He'll be fine.

No, he's dead. Even his eyes are open.

-Ah, Shula! Mmm.

Who are you with? Have you told the police?

I'm alone.

-What? -I'm alone in the car.

And your mother, have you told you mother?

(IN ENGLISH AND FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

I tried but she's in Livingstone and she didn't answer.

Are you in the car?

-I'm in the car. -OK.

Listen. Do me two favors, OK?

Mmm.

Lock yourself up in that vehicle.

That's number one. I'm coming. That's number one.

Lock yourself in the vehicle. I'll come.

-OK. -Number two,

send me money for a taxi, please.

Don't forget to add the fee.

OK. I'll send it.

Send your location. Dad is coming.

(JAUNTY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello everybody.

-Welcome to the... -Farm Club!

We can't hear you!

Farm Club!

Yes, correct. My name is Mutale.

And my name is Mazuba.

So...

This week, we've been talking about the seventh letter in the alphabet.

Can anybody remember the seventh letter we learnt about?

G!

I can't hear you!

Letter G!

Yes. We learnt about letter G.

But today, I'll talk to you about

a very special animal.

A very unusual animal.

So, my friend has some clues about the animal. Mazuba?

So I'll be giving you the clues

about this very special and unusual animal.

So I am found in Africa.

I can live to about twenty years old.

I can grow up to about 71 centimeters long.

I can come in the color brown, red,

yellow, black or white.

What am I?

Very interesting. Can anybody guess the animal?

-Anyone? Yes? -(CHILD COUGHS)

...I'm like out the door,

really quick shower, workout clothes, got my stuff...

I always give my wife kisses before I leave,

that's like a nice relationship hack,

while she's sleeping.

And then, I work out for an hour with my trainer.

I'll do a steam room after that,

freezing cold shower,

I do breakfast, that's mostly like egg whites.

It's mostly proteins like egg whites,

like avocado, bacon, that kind of stuff.

Two points there so...

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY) -Shula.

Shula.

Are you all right?

Hello!

I know what you want, my friend.

Wait. Let me play you this song. Have you heard it?

Listen, listen.

-(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING) -Aha!

-(LINE RINGING) -Have you heard it, baby?

Come!

Hey!

What's wrong?

-(MUSIC STOPS) -Shula.

Shula, open this door.

Shula!

Dad.

Hello!

(SHULA IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE, DAD IN ENGLISH).

-Dad, where are you -Who's this?

Hello!

-Hello? -Hello.

Can you hear me?

Who are you?

Dad, can't you come? Hello?

Joze, baby. -(SIGHS)

Look, I'm in a bad situation.

My uncle's lying dead on the road.

I found him dead by the roadside.

Listen, let me explain.

Look, my cousin's in the car.

I'm knocking on her door,

she won't open it or look at me.

It's late and I'm in the middle of the road.

Baby, I haven't drunk any alcohol.

-Look, talk to the police. I'm on a call. -(TAPPING ON WINDOW)

(JOSEPH IN ENGLISH AND FOREIGN LANGUAGE ON SPEAKERPHONE)

Ok, so the thing is, we're on national duties.

And the problem is

the vehicle we'd use to come there

is the same vehicle we're using

-on national duties. -(WINDOW WHIRRS)

I'm with my cousin. She's behaving crazy...

OK, wait. The phone's on speaker.

Talk to her, see what she says.

-(DOOR HANDLE RATTLES) -Hello, Officer.

How are you?

We're fine.

You're fine? Is what that drunk saying true?

Yes.

So, if what you guys are saying is true,

just wait for us until tomorrow.

It's already morning. So just hang around somewhere.

Then, tomorrow morning we will sort it out,

because the vehicle we have is what we use for the office.

So just be there and we'll sort it out tomorrow, OK?

OK. Thank you, Officer.

And listen...

Eh.

(IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE MIXED WITH ENGLISH)

Please, I beg you, your car, don't park it near the dead body.

Move it somewhere where people won't see you.

I don't want anyone to get suspicious.

OK, baby. I've heard you. Hang up.

You called me, now you want me to hang up?

Talk time.

So I should hang up because of your talk time

but you want my help.

Bye.

What are you doing now?

I'm looking for a cover.

What for? We don't need to cover him.

Listen,

we have to cover the body because when the police come,

they will write a report

and your people will say

"Nsansa didn't respect the body".

I don't carry a cover. I don't have a cover.

I've found something, my friend.

Let's just use what's handy.

What have you found in there?

There is no cover. I told you I don't carry a cover.

Let me measure it. I think this will fit.

You're stupid. Check the boot.