Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.

I have gathered here before me

the world's deadliest assassins,

and yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers.

That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry,

Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.

And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...

People die!

Aah!

Ha ha ha!

Aaah!

Whoaaaa!

Aaaah!

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?

Aah! Aah!

Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah!

Mustafa, Frau Farbissina,

I spared your lives because I need you to help me rid the world

of britain's top secret agent,

the only man who can stop me now.

We must kill Austin Powers!

Yeah!

Come on, babies. Work with me, people. All right.

Show me love.

Great, babies! Yeah!

Oh, behave.

Woman: It's Austin Powers!

It's Austin Powers! Aah!

Hello, Mrs. Kensington.

Hello, Austin.

Why don't you ever model for me, Mrs. Kensington?

You know how Mr. Kensington feels about that.

Oh, behave.

Heh heh heh, yeah!

Yeah, baby! Yeah, heh heh heh.

Ow!

Hello, Austin.

I'm basil exposition with British intelligence.

We have just received word that Dr. Evil

is planning a trap for you tonight

at the electric psychedelic pussycat swinger's club

here in swinging London.

We'll be there.

Yeah, have a look, baby!

Whoo!

There you go. Come on, baby.

Yeah, yeah!

[The strawberry alarm clock plays incense and peppermints]

Austin, it's a swinging shindig.

It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out!

Yeah, man!

Can I get you a drink, Mr. Powers?

Sure!

Austin, we've got to look for Dr. Evil.

Wait.

I've got an idea.

Uhh!

Austin! Why on earth did you hit that woman?

Right. Let me show you, baby.

That ain't no woman.

It's a man, man.

One of Dr. Evil's assassins.

Man: Look out! He's got a knife!

Good work, Mrs. Kensington.

All right, get up. Get up!

Right...Where's Dr. Evil, huh?

Where is he?

Uhh!

There's the bastard.

Come on. Let's go.

Coming through.

Excuse me.

I've got you now, Dr. Evil.

Not this time.

Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!

See you in the future, Mr. Powers.

My God!

He's freezing himself.

Basil: And so Dr. Evil escaped

and had himself cryogenically frozen

to return at a time when free love no longer reigned

and greed and corruption ruled again.

Yes?

Commander gilmour?

Speaking.

Commander, this is ritter in sou-west com 3.

We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring

and an unorthodox entry angle.

What are you saying, son?

Well, it appears to be in the shape of a big boy.

Good God... He's back.

Well, in many ways, the big boy never left, sir.

He's always offered the same high quality meals at competitive prices.

Shut up.

Shall I scramble tac hq for an intercept?

What's its current position?

I'm presently tracking it over Nevada.

Oh, my God! The big boy's gone.

Listen, son...

I want you to forget what you saw here today.

Phillips... call the president, sir.

Prepare the jet, bring my overnight bag,

and, uh, Phillips, feed my fish?

Not too much.

I'm off to London, eng-a-land.

Basil: Powers volunteered to have himself frozen

in case Dr. Evil should ever return.

Gilmour: Well, I hope your boy's up to it.

We don't wanna have to bail you guys out again

like after w.W.Ii.

Basil: This is our celebrity vault.

Please.

Russian officer: So, who is this Austin Powers?

The ultimate gentleman spy:

Irresistible to women, deadly to his enemies,

a legend in his own time.

Woman over speaker: Attention. Stage one:

Laser cutting begins.

Laser cutting complete.

Stage 2: Warm liquid goo phase beginning.

Warm liquid goo phase complete.

Stage 3: Reanimation beginning.

Reanimation complete.

Stage 4: Cleansing beginning.

Cleansing complete.

Stage 5: Evacuation beginning.

Evacuation comp--

Evacuation com--

Com--

Com--

Evacuation com--

Uh...Uh... Wh-where am I?

You're in the ministry of defence.

It's 1997.

You've been cryogenically frozen

for 30 years.

Who are these people?!

The shouting is a temporary side effect of

the unfreezing process.

Yes. I'm having difficulty controlling the volume of my voice!

This is commander gilmour,

U.S. strategic command,

and general borschevsky,

Russian intelligence.

Russian intelligence? Are you mad?

A lot's happened since you were frozen.

The cold war's over.

Well, finally, those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh?

Eh, comrades? Eh?

Austin... We won.

Oh, groovy. Smashing. Yay, capitalism.

Hello.

Hello!

Mr. Powers... the president's quite concerned.

We've got a madman on the loose in Nevada.

Dr. Evil.

When do I begin?

Immediately.

You'll be working with miss Kensington.

Mrs. Kensington!

Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long since retired.

Miss Kensington is her daughter.

Ah, here she is.

Vanessa is one of our top agents.

My God, Vanessa's got a fabulous body...

And I bet she shags like a minx.

How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process,

I have no inner monologue?

I...Hope I didn't say that out loud just now.

Heh heh heh...

Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties.

You know, a lot's changed since 1967.

No doubt, love, but as long as people are still having

promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners without protection,

while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs

in a consequence-free environment,

I'll be sound as a pound.

Danger Powers-- personal effects.

Actually, my name is Austin Powers.

It says here "name-- danger Powers."

No, no, no, no, no.

Danger's my middle name.

Ok. Austin danger Powers--

one blue crushed velvet suit...

Hey, all right.

One frilly lace cravat...

There it is.

One silver medallion with "male" symbol...

One pair of Italian boots...

Buon giorno, boys.

One vinyl record album: