Used Cars

Ow! Fuck!

Hey, mornin', Roy.

Same to you, asshole.

Rudy Russo! Mi amigo.

I bring you your cars. They are beautiful, no? No.

What the hell are you using here, Manuel? Water-based paint?

Sure! We don't get much rain around here.

What do you want for 200? Metal flake?

You don't like these cars, here's my inventory.

This is a picture of 250 cars. Two hundred and fifty-three.

Nice crop, eh? The river, she has been very good to Manuel.

I can't make a deal off a picture like this, all right?

You don't wanna buy cars? How about some girls?

I got all kinds. Short, tall, fat, uglies.

Bonitas, senoritas, big tits, chichotas.

Later. I got a customer. Take those around back. I'll think of somethin'.

Oh, student driver shit.

- Hey, Rudy! - Shh! Quiet, quiet!

Jesus, you're not gonna... Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna bait this guy.

Yeah? Well, Luke's not gonna like that. Luke's asleep.

Who's the grape? He's right there. See him?

He pulled up in that red Chevelle, but the asshole's trying to put him in a Vega.

He can afford a Vega! I'm gonna sell him my Buick.

Yeah, but, Rudy, forget it. He pulled up in a red car.

Come on, Jeff. You got your foot. Sure I got my foot.

But I told you a million times, a rabbit's foot is no protection against a red car.

A red car is bad luck and trouble.

I gotta get customers on this lot. I gotta move some of this iron.

I gotta make some fast cash. I mean it. Yeah? For what?

For this.

Christ! First a red car, and now this.

This man, Roy L. Fuchs, this man doesn't lie. Ow.

This man gives you a special guarantee, warrantee.

I mean, beautiful. It's up to you. It's your decision.

One who hesitates is lost.

Hey, where you going, pal? Come back here!

- Ooh! -

- -

- Oh! -

Get the hell out of the road!

Ow!

Hi there! How ya doin'?

- Jesus. - Say, this your ten dollars?

I saw it floating underneath the car, I picked it up.

Here you are, Mister... What's your name? Stanley Dewoski.

Polish, eh? What a coincidence! Rudy Polanski.

How are ya? Hey, I like that watch. Great shoes. Love 'em.

Thanks. So, Stan, you want to buy this Buick Centurion?

Good choice. Smart man. You got good taste. A lot of people don't have it these days.

Nice to see somebody finally walk on this lot who knows a good car when he sees one.

So, we, uh, we write it up? Actually I was just looking.

Terrific, terrific. That's what we're here for.

Here you can look, browse, peek, touch, feel, taste, smell, do anything you want.

Take all the time you want. Nobody's gonna pressure anybody around here, Stan.

You know somethin' though? I think you ought to buy this Buick.

I think you oughta buy it today. You want to know why? Because this Buick is you.

The color is you. Look at it. This is your car.

Stanley Dewoski is Buick Centurion convertible.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Can I afford to buy a car like this?"

Am I right? Seriously. You can't afford not to buy this. I'm gonna make it easy on ya.

When you add this up, take in account inflation, insurance savings, gas savings,

you're gonna come out $10,000 ahead for makin' this deal.

The prestige alone of owning a Buick Centurion convertible...

can't even be measured in terms of dollars and cents, am I right?

What in the hell are you trying to tell me, Sam?

For six months, I've been kicking money into the mayor's slush fund...

to make sure that new freeway ramp went right through the middle of my brother's lot.

But according to this, I'm about to get fucked.

The goddamn ramp is coming right through the middle of my lot. Yeah!

What's with that pinhead mayor? He had no choice, Roy.

It was the only way he could prove there was no conflict of interest.

He don't know dick. That mayor, he don't know dick!

What about you? You are the assistant deputy district attorney.

I mean, can't you fix it for me?

I'm sorry, Roy. It's too late.

Just like that, huh? "Too late, Roy."

Well, I'll tell you somethin'. This country is going to the dogs.

It used to be when you bought a politician, that son of a bitch stayed bought.

Ha, ha, ha! You're gonna love it, Stan!

Trust me!

Ah, shit!

There goes a perfectly good bumper sticker.

Hey, Luke.

That's a nice pair of shoes.

You baited him, didn't you? Skated him from across the street.

I had to, Luke. I can't sell a car unless I get 'em on the lot, huh?

Rudy, listen to me, will ya?

For the last time, will you listen to me, son?

Now, just let's suppose that he's an undercover agent for the Consumer Protection Agency.

We're still on probation for consumer fraud.

We gotta watch our step.

My ravenous brother's sitting over there waiting for me to slip up...

so he can get his grimy hands on this lot.

Luke, I'm desperate. I gotta move some cars.

Listen to me. I gotta make ten grand in six weeks.

Ten grand? Oh, Rudy, you in some kind of trouble?

No, no. Take a look at this.

Huh? Yeah.

There's an opening for state senate.

The machine's looking for a fresh face. Somebody with style, somebody with flair.

Somebody with no axes to grind who just wants to tell the people what they want to hear.

Luke, they're looking for me!

I talked to the party chairman. Sixty grand buys me the nomination, and I'm a shoo-in.

Sixty grand, huh? That's all it takes nowadays?

That's kinda like a down payment.

Once I'm in, I go 50-50 on all the graft I take in. Politics, Luke.

It's my chance to do something with my life, become respectable.

Go places, meet new people.

Maybe even meet some broad who's got her shit half together.

Still lookin', huh, Rudy? Ha-ah. Aah.

Luke, I don't wanna be stuck on this dusty car lot for the rest of my life.

I wanna make something out of myself, you know.

Have people look up at me for a change. And this is it.

This is my once-in-a-lifetime deal.

I took out a second mortgage on my mobile home. Did you know that?

I cashed in my insurance policies, sold my boat and motor.

Hell, I just sold my car, and I'm still ten grand short.

Toby, get me a Phillips screwdriver, huh?

Look, Luke, listen. I got some promotional ideas.

Some big promotional ideas that'll flood this place with prospects.

I found these two guys, these two electronics whiz kids.

They know how to jam a football game, sneak a commercial on.

We wear some disguises. I figure we can claim it was some kind of college prank.

We get these strippers, big tits, put 'em up on top of the cars...

I think I'm gonna put this baby on the line.

Yeah. Can't fool with this forever. Sixteen months is long enough.

No, Toby, I said a Phillips screwdriver.

Luke, can I ask you something?

Why are we giving these cars away?

We're not givin' 'em away.

The school district's paying me 1,200 apiece for 'em.

1,200 apiece? I can get 3,950 apiece for these cars.

Those are the 1,200 apiece cars.

What, these? Yeah!

Rudy, you are the craziest, most irresponsible operator I ever met.

When you stand there and tell me that you want to be a politician,

well, I know you're right.

All right, I'll lend you the ten grand. No shit, Luke?

I wouldn't kid you about something like that. You're not jacking me?

No, no. We'll go down to the bank in the morning, all right?

Only one thing is, I don't think we oughta jam any football games,

and I certainly don't want any strippers.

Goddamn! All right, Luke. I love ya! Oh, Rudy! Rudy.

I'm on my way! Listen to this.

Ask not what your country's done for you, ask what you've just done for your country.

How we doin'? Would you vote for that? Rudy.

Are you okay? You, you... Hey, are you all right, Luke?

I'm just not used to all that kind of excitement.

Here, here. Jesus, I'm sorry, Luke. Here, take a pill. Here.

I'll be all right.

You just promise me one thing.

When you buy that election, become a big-shot politician,

promise me you'll keep my mercenary brother from gettin' his hands on this lot.

They know, don't they, Sam?

Yeah, that's why they're fixing up that pig farm.

They know they're about to have the best freeway access in the state.

Nobody knows but you. Won't be announced for a few weeks yet.

Now, I suggest you put a torch to this museum,

and use the insurance money to buy out your brother. Buy him out?

If I could buy him out, do you think I'd go to all the trouble to try to have him put away?

Think I'd have sicced the Consumer Protective Agency on him?

No, by God, the only way I'm going to get that lot is to inherit it.

I thought he had a daughter. She ain't been heard of in ten, twelve years.

Son of a bitch has got a bad heart, you know.

Don't be stupid, Roy. Just dreamin', Sam.

Just dreamin'. Right.

Mr. Fred Zill, please come to the payment window.

Carmine! Yeah?

Send in that mechanic, that new kid from the demolition derby.

Who, Mickey? Yeah, yeah, Mickey.

That's why they call it a Pinto. Let's examine that suspension, shall we?

Look at that undercoating. Classy chassis, pal.

Huh? Thanks.

Shall we examine the capacious interior of this luxury automobile?

Let's examine that deep-pile carpeting, shall we?

I got this guy right where I want him. Stay out of this.

I'll get him to knock another fifty bucks off.

I got the papers all drawn up on that Chrysler Imperial. No, the Chevy Nova.

I keep... Hey, listen, I'll be right with ya.

Clown.

Excuse me, old man. You a salesman?

That's a miracle.

Yeah! God in heaven, that's a miracle.

Excuse me. You a salesman here?

I'm not one for religion, but Jesus, Mary and Joseph, that is a miracle.

That was my daughter who called me. Yeah.

Can you believe it? My own daughter.

I just want to buy a car.

You know, she took off about ten years ago. Joined one of those communes.

I ain't seen nor heard from her. Didn't know if she was livin' or dead.

All of a sudden out of the blue, she calls after ten years.

Now that... that's a miracle.

I know how you feel, old man. Yeah.

I had a dog once. Ran away. Only she got hit by a truck.

Listen, now what's the story on this '57 Chev here?

2,400? Come on. You gotta be jacking me.

Son, you're looking at one of the finest automobiles on this lot.

You know, I rebuilt that engine with my own two hands.

Does it run? Does it run?

Like a dream.