Kat & Alfie: Redwater

Dermott!

- Mouse! - Iris!

What the hell was she thinking?

You know exactly what she was thinking.

Hello!

Sound your horn!

Mammy, stay awake.

Mammy.

Help, please!

Help! We're here!

- Help us! - Grandad!

- It's all right! I see you! - Help!

- Mam's hurt! - Hang on!

Boys, hold on.

I'm here, Iris.

Hang on.

Jesus, you're bleeding. Hang on! Hang on!

I can't get close enough.

Hang on, I'm turning round.

Boys, hold on.

Where's Mouse?

- She let go. - She's gone.

Boys, hold on.

Iris!

Iris!

Oh, my God.

Here, Dermott. Get this on you.

Mouse!

Mouse!

Oh, boys, you all right? All right, come on.

Now, stay together, you two lads. Keep yourselves warm.

So just then, the old lady returned to find that nasty, greedy fox

bent low over the river,

watching all the fish he'd been promised.

She poured the druid water over him until the fox could feel it scald.

What's "scald" mean?

It means it's not a happy ending.

And in a moment,

that nasty fox had disappeared into a waft of smoke.

- Is this it? - Yep.

This is it.

There you go.

Oh.

Right, how much do I owe you?

Well, 30 euro.

Thirty?

Is there anything to stop Tommy falling off that cliff?

Eh, best just stay away from the edge.

Oh, brilliant.

So, are you gonna get her started again?

On the hill back down.

Well, I best be off. Spring equinox, you know.

Oh, of course, major event in our house.

Welcome to Redwater.

Yeah, I know. I get it. I understand.

Excellent. So, I'll tell you what, just...

Listen, listen. Just get me some building quotes,

email me some numbers and we'll make a decision after that, all right?

- Okay, later. - Tommy?

This ain't our house. So if you break anything, hide it.

Everything all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a bit of dry rot in the bar.

Nothing to worry about.

Well, we're here.

- Feels weird, doesn't it? - Yeah.

- Talking about it for so long. - Hmm.

But I know this is the right place because I've got the postcards.

Oh, what are you gonna do? Let me guess.

Stand in the middle of the town square and shout,

"Any blokes out there just found out they've been adopted?"

- Yeah, I might do that. - Even if he were,

he probably left.

Look, let's not do the "if he's emigrated or dead".

I'm glad we're here. Honestly.

- Right, I'll go and put the kettle on. - Yeah.

- What have you come as again? - Ninja Turtles.

- Ninja Turtesses. - You look fantastic.

- Ninja Turtesses. - Ah.

It's a day, this, isn't it, Peter?

So...

Well, I wonder what you'll be running as today, Dermott?

- What does it look like? - I don't know.

I'm the next Pope.

You've got an answer for everything, haven't you? Come here.

Come on, you!

How much ice cream will we need to sell to buy me a new taxi?

Right, I'm off. Showing some of my work up at the hall.

Oh! What sort of prices are you putting on them?

That's a good question, Ag. I haven't actually priced them.

So, how are you going to sell them?

I thought people might show an interest and kind of inquire, you know?

Is that how a commercial artist makes a living?

- I'm not a commercial artist, Agnes. - No. But we're a commercial farm.

Might be nice to remember where the money has to come from.

- Good luck to you. - Yeah.

Good luck, you.

That fellow walks around with a head full of sweetie mice.

Adeen?

Where's your dad?

I need help today. It'll be frantic with all the incomers.

I'm going out, Nan.

- You are out. - No. Out, out.

I need your dad here after the run. I'm in a dead zone. Will you tell him?

She looks like an angry beetle.

They get bored. I was the same.

Were you?

Ahoy! Look at you fine ladies!

Lucky for you and Daddy it blew over, huh?

Ah, Roisin, not for you the neon lights and fast living of Kilkenny.

Hey, don't look now, we're about to get mugged by Gryffindor.

Wow.

- Hello. - Hi, you all right?

Hey, look out, Tommy. Hello, girls!

You on your holidays?

Um, yeah. Well...

- Yeah. - You don't sound too sure.

- We're here for a couple of weeks. - I might miss school.

And we had to leave the twins.

Yeah, they're really little and we needed a proper break.

Here you go, buddy, go and win me a teddy bear.

Don't go too far, okay? Good boy.

Bit mad here, isn't it?

Normally, you'd find us quiet as the library.

You have Peter's house up on the bluff, don't you?

You have any problems, he's always in the pub.

Typical Irishman, eh?

He's the landlord.

- Landlord? That's a game and a half. - Yeah.

It's good to see a lot of young people, though.

Are there are a lot of families here? A lot of people in their 30s and that?

So, what's all this about today, then? Old druid ceremony or something?

Oh, we thought we'd burn an outsider in a big wicker goat.

- Mam. It's spring carnival. - Oh, right.

Flight to the sea, celebrate life in all its madness.

- Now, why don't you sign up? - I ain't got a costume.

I'll have a go.

- What? - I'll do it.

What do you mean, "I'll do it"?

You don't live here Alfie, take a breather.

We're supposed to be relaxing, having fun, chilling, you know.

- Go on. Alfie, is it? - Yes, darling.

Yeah, get yourself up the hill. Celebrate life.

There he is... Andrew! Andy.

This is my son. He'll show you where to start.

Will you get Alfie here a costume?

- Sure. Yeah. - All right, buddy?

- Yeah. Get you kitted out, fella. - Lovely.

After that, you're taking a turn on the stall.

- What are you waiting for? Go on. - See you later.

Does he...

Does Andrew live here or is he just visiting?

- He works with us on the farm. - Right.

What, making ice cream?

Well, looking after the cows

that make the milk that make the ice cream.

This is... It's just a sideline.

- So, he lives with you? - Right up there, on the hill.

We tend to stay close in this family.

Which is very nice for great-grandma here.

- You? - I know.

They broke the mould, right?

In fact, Andrew's just about to give her another great-grandchild.

- Mmm-hmm. - Right.

Well, why don't you soak up the day and enjoy yourselves?

Makes a nice change from that London, I'm sure.

How did you know we're from London?

Well, uh, you're the Moons

and you've taken the cottage for two weeks with an option for three.

You're from London but you live in Spain

and you're not too sure whether you're here on holiday or not.

Ah. I see. Okay.

- Drag it over behind those rocks. - Sure. All right.

All right. We'll bury it later.

Doesn't quite fit with the celebration of life, now, lads, does it?

That's it. That's it.

Oh! Ah, there he is.

Ah, Dr Kildare himself.

Alfie, meet my hugely annoying second cousin, Dermott.

- How are you? - And my decrepit old grandaddy, Lance.

- Hello, Lance. All right. - How you doing?

So you're gonna take the flight with us, then, are you?

- Well, yeah, I'm gonna try. - You do or do not.

- There is no try. - Whoa, what's that, an old Irish saying?

- That's Yoda. - Oh.

He's just winding you up.

- Ah, there she is. - Ah.

Hang on a minute there.

- Oh, bloody hell. - Hello!

- Let me give you a hand... - Back away, civilian.

I need my hat.

Can you believe it's my last bloody week?

I am not equipped to handle this lot.

Here, love, have you got any gear for our fella to run in?

- It's illegal to impersonate a Garda. - Yeah.

I know. Got something in the boot.

- Ready? - Yeah.

Oh! Oh!

Yeah!

- Woo! - Last one.

Yes!