Just Go with It

I'm so happy you picked this dress, Veruca!

You look beautiful. Doesn't she?

You guys, I'm getting married!

I'm getting married!

Not without your veil, you're not.

Where is that bad boy?

Oh, I think I left it upstairs.

Don't worry. I'll get it,

sis.

She is so annoying.

And so ugly.

She looks like Karl Malden.

I know, and she's gonna be

my sister-in-law in an hour!

How are you gonna deal with that?

I'm just gonna lay down the law for Danny.

We're seeing his goofy family as little as possible.

You sure he's gonna go along with that?

Danny doesn't say no to me.

Believe me, I have him well-trained.

So, tell us, what happened with Eric last night?

So, I told him if he wanted to stop the wedding,

he had to speak now or forever hold his peace.

And what'd he say?

He said he's never gonna settle down,

and I should just go ahead and marry Danny.

Did he give you a wedding present, huh?

You're so horny! Yeah.

I guess you could call it that.

You're so bad!

It's the last time, I swear.

Yeah, right!

Danny is so sweet and considerate.

And he's gonna be a cardiologist.

So, I'm marrying him

and that zucchini in the middle of his face.

His parents are disgusting, too!

Close your eyes when he's on top!

And your thighs!

Cuz, I'm so sorry.

Yikes, that hurt.

That was me, Danny Maccabee, 20 years ago.

Pathetic, huh?

So, I'm halfway done boozing away my sorrows,

when something pretty interesting happened.

Oh, baby, you're like a Pop Tart,

hot and sweet!

Hey, mami!

You must play the trumpet or something,

'cause you're making me feel all horny and stuff!

You dropped your purse.

Can I just sit for 10 seconds

and not get hit on? Thank you.

I was just letting you know you dropped your purse.

I'm sorry. I thought... That's fine, that's fine.

I'm sure you didn't meet the lady who gave you that ring

in a meat market like this.

School cafeteria.

How long you been married?

I was gonna tell her, I really was.

But I didn't want her to know what a loser I was,

so I stretched the truth a little.

Six years.

Where's your wife tonight?

I stopped asking that question a long time ago.

That's terrible.

My wife says I work too much.

Trying to provide for her, her shopping addiction,

and crack.

Why don't you just leave her?

The children.

All 14 of them.

I just, I like to adopt,

and I don't wanna stop doing that.

You poor guy.

You wanna get outta here?

And so I discovered

the power of the wedding ring.

The symbol of my humiliation

had become a tool to get back on the horse.

Are you kidding me? Snuffleupagus!

I switched my specialty from cardiology to plastic surgery,

got rid of the big honker,

and the ring became my thing.

I just assumed after we got married she'd stop hooking, but...

You need to put this wedding band on a true heart.

This is a good moment.

Yeah. Should we go make it last,

for a while, somewhere?

Okay, let's go. To your dorm.

Sometimes I think about

throwing the ring into the ocean.

I know how wrong it is. But I can't.

It's my Precious.

Besides, being fake married

is the perfect way to make sure

I never get my heart broken again.

What are these?

Boobie bags.

The women, they stick them in their flat chesties,

make them big.

These are not the boobie bags that I ordered.

What is that?

It's like a syrup dispenser at an IHOP.

I don't know what that is.

Come on. These, they don't feel like these.

No... Seriously?

I just trying to learn.

Listen, Dr. Maccabee would never accept subpar boobs.

Would you please just get me what I ordered

and tell Omar that I would like a discount for the inconvenience?

Yes, ma'am. Thank you, Simon.

My 4:00 here? KATHERINE: Yeah.

Room one, Kirsten Brant. Don't laugh.

Well, I, uh... I had bad plastic surgery.

Should've known this doctor was a quack.

His office was in, like, a warehouse.

I see, I see.

Questions?

No, no. Just, please help me, Doctor.

Absolutely. It's usually easier

to do these things right the first time, but...

What? You seem dubious.

Hmm?

Oh, no, not at all.

I mean, I hear you're the best, Dr. Maccabee.

I don't know about that,

but I think we can figure something out here.

Relax, relax.

That's relaxed? Hmm.

Here, let me just pull it down for a sec.

And I let go. Okay, shoots right back up there.

I'm sorry. Oh. Sorry about what?

Oh, my God! It's just...

That just really went right up there.

That was high. You gotta watch that.

It's gonna get caught in your hair.

I don't know, maybe I should just keep it like this.

It seems to make other people happy.

No. But, seriously, are you available for my kid's birthday party?

That's too much. I'm sorry!

Let me give you a hug.

That's what you need first. We'll fix this.

Mmm.

Oh, God! Okay, I gotta...

I'm gonna excuse myself. I'm sorry.

Ding-dong!

Eddie's here. Hey. My cousin.

Oh.

Oh, my gosh.

Brows gone wild over here.

I'm actually digging it.

And what are you doing later?

Oh!

Oh, sorry, I'm kind of seeing anybody else. There you go.

Oh, browch.

My gosh.

Look, I don't know who you're seeing,

but whoever they are,

they don't have what this guy's got down there, you know what I mean?

All right, Eddie.

Yeah, it's a very good one. I should know, I installed it.

Oh, you had a penile enlargement?

Yes.

People really do that? That is hilarious!

See you on the 28th, Dr. Maccabee!

Dude, why are you telling everybody about my surgery?

Am I hiding the secrets around here?

You don't think Katherine knows about this?

Katherine was in the room when I did that.

She held the magnifying glass.

I did. And the tweezer.

Real nice.

Did you get a chance to try it out yet?

Uh, yeah. I've banged it up.

It's got a couple dents. I'm not gonna lie.

Yeah. You did?

Not from a human.

It's got... From this doll I made.

Oh.

Hey, Adon. Yo, yo.

Danny! I am so happy you could be here!

How are you, baby? Did you bring any Botox?

I didn't bring the Botox. I brought my cousin, Eddie.

Nice to meet you, Eddie.

Is this a Halloween party?

Are you kidding me right now?

You got a little more work done, huh?

Yeah, just a little bit, just tweaking, tweaking.

Maintenance, maintenance.

I just wanna stay in the game, Danny.

I don't wanna hit home runs, just some singles. That's all.

You gotta stop, though, I'm telling you.

Do you have any feeling in your face?

Just in this one spot right here.

And then from the eyebrows down, dead, dead.

Is that a car alarm?

He's laughing, he's laughing. Oh, okay.

I wanted to go to your cousin Danny here,

but he refused to do any work.