Hello, My Name Is Frank

Girl: Frank!

Frank! Frank! Frank!

Please, somebody dial 911.

Man: Apply pressure to his shoulder.

Hold on, frank!

Man: ( Narrating ) Well, this is ironic.

What an asshole I've been.

Used a disability to hide from the world.

Look at me.

Gasping for my life.

When, during all of my 59 years,

I was already in a box just waiting to die.

Maybe if I'd just...

well, you can't stay here.

This is no kind of home for a teenage girl.

You need to be with a proper family.

Frank is not your responsibility.

I appreciate your help,

but we'll be just fine.

What we're trying to say

is we want you to come live with us,

don't we dear?

We... we'll...

Well, we want to take care of you,

pay for your college,

buy you a car, give you some fun money.

You wouldn't have to worry about work or bills.

You could be young and carefree for once.

Your mama and I were very close.

We went to the same church, lived on the same block.

We did everything together.

I just want to make sure you're taken care of.

You don't have to worry about me.

- Really. - Well,

you've been taking care of others for too long.

First your mama when she was sick

and now frank.

Hello, we haven't met.

No. I'm Louise. I'm Cathy's cousin.

And this is my husband, Doyle.

Bitch!

You must be frank.

Cathy and I have talked a lot about you

the last couple of months and about Laura.

I was just talking to Laura about her future.

Shut up, bitch.

- It's just a tick. - Sorry.

Laura's gonna be all taken care of.

I see. And what about you, frank?

Do you have somebody new to take care of you?

- Ah, no. - Yes.

I... I don't need a... a new caretaker.

I'm finding him a new caretaker very soon.

I just hope you're not expecting Laura

to take care of you?

Oh, no one needs to worry about

Laura's future or... or mine.

Stupid bitch! Ugh, sorry.

Look, um...

I appreciate your offer,

but I can take care of things myself.

- ( Clanging ) - Frank: ( Screams ) Son of a bitch!

And what about college?

I'll have him settled before I go.

Uh-huh.

Doyle, honey, could you get me some more wine?

- Of course. - Quite a bit of it.

All right.

Yeah!

- Frank! - Yeah!

You will stop it now.

- ( Kids laughing ) - ( Door slams shut )

Oh...

Slow down. I didn't bake that many.

Why? Chocolate makes everything better.

Yeah, it's chocolate all right.

- Hmm. - Will you quit eating them?

I made them for Laura.

I shouldn't feel better, though, should I?

I mean, Laura's mom is dead.

- Hey. - Oh, my god.

Laura, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my god. I just said "oh, my god."

Oh, my god. I can't stop swearing.

- What's the matter with me? - You're high.

- Calm down. - ( Laura laughs )

What?

There's pot in the brownies.

- Oh, my god. - ( Giggles )

You okay?

Hey, we can always postpone the trip.

- Until you're ready. - Yeah, Laura,

Stacy would totally understand.

No, I promised my mom I would go.

I know.

We can celebrate Stacy's 18th birthday here.

Yeah, that sounds cool.

We can go to all the places that she liked the best.

We can do all of her favorite things.

No, I promised my mom I would go on this trip.

She really thought it would be good for frank

and, I don't know,

force him to take care of himself or something.

And we all promised Stacy.

Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

It's yours. I... I want you to have it.

- I can't take this. - No, I want you... you...

- You take it. - No, frank, I can't...

- No, frank. - I want...

- Hey. - ( Grunts )

How does the pot get inside the brownies?

- Frank. - Bitch!

- ( Barks ) - Frank?

- Me back. - ( Bat clanks )

Oh.

Frank was trying to give me his Mickey mantle bat.

Really, frank? Why would you do that?

Who knows what kind of crazy caretaker

you're gonna line up?

I don't want my bat stolen and sold for coke money!

Well, I promise not to hire a cokehead.

Besides, Meth's the drug of choice these days.

Why were you trying to give me your bat, frank?

Ray, I told you I want you to have it.

Well then, I guess I will take the bat.

No, when the time comes.

If your time comes before mine.

It'd be a lot easier if you take it now.

Why now?

I mean, are you really afraid that someone will steal it?

Damn it, frank!

No!

Ah, fucker!

Ah, fuck.

Laura: I got it.

I... I can do this.

You don't have to worry about me.

Your... your mother didn't always take care

of me, you know?

Hell, there was that time

when I took care of both of you.

Oh, so I've heard.

Bitch! Ow! Ow!

We're gonna get you someone good, frank.

You're just like your mother.

You worry too much.

Good night, frank.

Hi, I was calling to setup an interview

for the caretaker position you applied for.

I'm gonna need the television every night

between primetime and 2:00 A.M.