Ghosting: The Spirit of Christmas

Hi Remove By $h0lug

‐Jess. ‐Yeah?

I thought we discussed this.

Yeah, I know, we did,

but then I talked with myself some more

and I realized it's just so relevant, you know,

like, why can't a woman be Santa Claus?

A female Santa cookie is deviating from design.

Yeah, but, I mean, Sherry,

how can we burn down the patriarchy if we don't‐‐

It's just cookies, okay.

You can shatter the glass ceiling

on your lunch break.

‐ ‐Yes?

I got off work early.

Can I come be with you before my date tonight?

Oh my god, were you fired?

Sherry and I had a mutual parting of ways.

Jess, did you do that thing where you project

a feminist agenda onto inanimate objects?

Do I do that?

When you worked at that pottery place,

you told that guy that his bowl was body‐shaming you.

Hey, listen, it was a gravy boat,

and it had zero curves.

Ugh, but that's why I loved that bakery job.

So many stolen baked goods to taste test.

So much better than when you were a tutor

and always brought home algebra worksheets.

Okay, we both know those helped you

with your taxes.

Wait.

What smells amazing?

A new tea I wanted you to taste test.

Oh, is this from Meridians?

No, not work related.

Just kinda like for my own personal collection.

Okay.

Wait, it‐‐ it smells like me.

Mm‐hmm!

You guessed it. It's a you tea.

‐Hmm. ‐I infused it with saffron

‐just kinda like your‐‐ ‐My over‐priced conditioner

that you hate because of all of its parabens!

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐Wow!

Now I can finally drink something that reminds me of me.

‐You know. ‐Every girl's dream.

Hmm. Is it nice?

Being so good at the thing you know you want to do?

‐You'll find your thing, Jess. ‐Hmm.

I can't help that nothing meets my expectations

Well,

when your expectations are extremely high

and require perfection, you can.

So simple.

Ooh, maybe you can try on your date tonight.

Oh yeah, well,

he uses emojis in his bio, so I have

medium hopes at best.

But, you know,

at least I'm putting myself out there.

Is that a jab?

Yeah, it's a love jab.

But anyway, uh, can you help me pick an outfit?

I brought seven options.

‐ ‐Wha...

Hey, Kara, you can't call me right now!

Especially not with your whole face.

You said that he was in the bathroom.

Not like, indefinitely.

Kara: Okay, just leave me on the bar, like a coaster.

Like a coaster?

When have you ever seen me use a coaster?

Oh, I forgot to ask.

Um, is this ski mask just too intense

for the Big Bear Mountain trip?

Oh!

Hmm.

‐Oh no. ‐Uh. Oh no.

Oh no‐‐

I didn't mean for you to see me this way.

Were you calling for a date rescue?

‐A what? ‐Okay.

I find on‐site friend‐spies

to be a lot more effective.

Yes, absolutely.

You see that lady?

I see that baby.

That's my friend Kara.

So, careful.

Mm‐hmm. Okay, good. Yeah, good, great.

Because then I won't mess with her,

that baby, as I had definitely been planning to do.

Oh man, that is so like you,

always going to bars and messing with babies.

This is Kara, your friend

with the on‐call energy healer, right?

Uh, yeah, wait, how did you know that?

Earlier when you were talking about your best friend Kara

‐with a on‐call energy healer... ‐Right.

‐...and I was just going with‐‐ ‐Yes, of course, I'm sorry.

I'm on, like, five first dates right now,

so I keep forgetting who I'm telling what to.

That happens. Not to me but, uh‐‐

‐Well... ‐I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

Minimum is two team members.

Jess: Oh.

Trivia night.

‐Did you know that? ‐Look at that.

Wow. Uh, no.

Is that a deal‐breaker? Dealmaker?

Mmm. Sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you

over the fact that we are absolutely doing this.

Jess: So, you just hate the joy of Christmas?

Ben: Exactly.

But I do love a good solid Christmas movie though.

‐You do? ‐And, um...

I heard that It's a Wonderful Life

will be playing at Hollywood Forever Cemetery

on the 21st.

Kinda morbid.

Yeah, true, but, you know,

it also makes sense

based on what the movie's about.

Is it about cemeteries?

You‐‐

‐You haven't seen it? ‐No.

Why? It's so good.

‐lt's so good. ‐No, I haven't seen it.

It's so good!

It‐‐ I mean, like, not, not to, like, oversell it.

But it kinda, you know, like, you know, I mean,

will change your life if you...

‐Change my life. ‐...you watch it.

Uh...

But...

you know, it would also make, like, a great date.

That's presumptuous.

Is it?

Well, uh, this is me. So...

Same.

No, like, uh, we parked...

‐Oh! ‐...next to each other.

That's cute.

Super cute.

‐So, I'll‐‐ ‐So...

I'll text you.

‐You what? ‐What?

‐What did you say? ‐That I...

I didn't say‐‐ I just said I'll text you.

‐I'll text you. ‐Oh.

You'll‐‐ Right.

That makes more sense. I thought you said

I'll kiss you.

‐And I was like... ‐No. Oh yeah, no.

that would be a weird way to do that.

Yeah, no, that would be a weird‐‐

‐Yeah, if‐‐ if I said that. ‐Yeah.

That'd be a strange way to do it.

Strange, you know, like weirdest.

The weirdest, um...

‐Yeah. ‐Okay.

‐Okay. ‐Cool.

Um...

So, uh, uh... Uh, just...

kiss me when you get home.

What?

Oh. No, yes, I get it.

I'll, um, I'll kiss you when I get home.

Yeah.

I'll do better on my joke next time.

That's good.

Jess: And we happened to be parked

like, right next to each other

which might just be a coincidence

but is more likely

‐the Universe! ‐The Universe!

I feel really good about this, Kara.

See, maybe you can expect

a lot from having no expectations.

You know, I'm already, like, fantasizing

about New Year's with him,

‐which is just‐‐ ‐Gross.

I know.

Maybe I should end my dating embargo.

Jess: Yeah, yeah, maybe you can call that girl Tammy

as a little baby step.