What Is a Woman? (Hva er en kvinne?)

Being a dad is one of the great privileges of my life.

Give my son a BB gun, and that's just about all the emotional support he needs.

My daughter, on the other hand, I've heard people say that there are no differences between male and female.

Those people are idiots.

I'm a husband.

I'm a father of four.

I host a talk show.

I give speeches, I write books.

I like to make sense of things.

But making sense of females is a whole other matter.

Even astrophysicist Stephen Hawking, who could come up with

a theory on black holes, was completely dumbfounded by women.

Women, they are a complete mystery.

And now our culture is telling us that the differences between girls and boys

don't matter, that if you identify as something, then you are that thing.

How do we help our kids make sense of this when they're bombarded with

conflicting messages about gender and identity? Forget trying to figure out women.

The real question is, what is a woman? As you grow, your

body changes from that of a young girl to that of a woman.

Soon Molly will be a young woman having dates,

going to dances, and lovely romantic dresses.

The boy's shoulders are broad and his body

muscular, while the girl's body is more curved.

I'd like to know more about different kinds of hormones.

The presence of these hormones in the blood brings

about many changes in the bodies of both boys and girls.

Being a woman is one of the things I like best about myself.

I think you'll like it, too.

I like to come out here to think.

Nature seems to always tell the truth, even when we don't want to hear it.

Truth is, I'm not very good at fishing, but what is

truth? Is there a truth?

Is this what progress looks like? Can my boys really become girls? Do I have four

daughters? Do I now have to pay for four weddings?

Is there a son trapped in my daughter's body? If

so, how do I get them out? Are any of my kids who

they claim to be? Who are these people? Who am I?

I better see a therapist in the state of Tennessee.

I'm a licensed marital and family therapist, which

basically means I've been trained up to think

about, like, systems, family systems, how we

were raised up, how that shapes who we are today.

So on your website, if you'll bear with me

quoting you say I use a combination of approaches

in my therapeutic work, including anti oppression, feminist, and narrative frameworks.

I rely deeply on systems theory and understanding

that individuals are products of and in dialogue with

our surroundings, including our families, broader

culture, workplaces, nature, and political climates.

What does that mean? Yeah.

So thinking about the modalities that I use, I'm

definitely informed by feminist family therapy.

And the idea is that we've lived in gendered worlds where there are certain imperatives

that are placed on us about who we are and what we do based on how we've been gendered.

From the minute I was assigned female, I was told, okay,

these are the kind of clothing that you're going to wear.

These are the type of play that you're going to engage in as a child,

the path that maybe your life will take because of social expectations.

What do you mean by assigned female? Who assigns female? Yeah.

So most times people, when they're born, they're

assigned to gender by the doctor doctors.

Yeah.

What are they based that assignment on? So basically it's based on genitalia.

So people are looking at genitalia and deciding, okay, this is a girl or a boy.

And we know now that sex and gender are so much more than just this binary.

Some women have penises, right? Some men have vaginas.

That's not how gender work.

How do we know that that's not true? Where did we

learn that? Yeah, well, I learned that from hearing

from transgender people who said, like, oh, I'm a

trans woman, and just because I happen to have a penis.

Right.

That doesn't mean that this is like who I am as

a person or that genitalia doesn't equal gender.

Who they are, their gender, their gender expression.

Yeah.

Trans woman is a woman with the fluidity of these things.

How do I know if I'm a woman? That's a great question.

I like scented candles.

I've watched Sex in the City.

So how do I know? Yeah, Matt, that question right

there, that question is when it's asked with a

lot of curiosity, that's the beginning of a lot

of people's gender identity development journeys.

If my mom who gave birth to me is a woman and my wife

is a woman, so I haven't asked her, maybe I should.

But if they're all women and also the boy who sits down with you and says,

I think I'm a girl actually is one, then what is a woman? Great question.

I'm not a woman, so I can't really answer that.

I thought therapy would make me less confused.

we're talking about gender in society.

Let me start with a real basic question.

I don't want to assume, but you guys are all women.

Yeah.

How would you define it? Like in the simplest terms, that is hard.

Yeah.

It is a stumper.

A woman is someone that likes to be pretty and

think of themselves as a delicate creature.

I'm pretty indelicate.

I could be a woman, too.

Yes, you could.

Defining womanhood is just a product of someone who identifies as a woman.

Yeah, but I'm saying, what do they identify as they identify as a woman.

But what is that as they do now? It's a simple question.

for all of human existence, women were understood to be a certain thing.

So what changed? No one can seem to answer the question now.

Over 2000 surgeries and counting, Dr.

Marcy Bowers is the nation's preeminent sex change surgeon.

talking to.

Marcy Bowers, first of all, thanks for talking to us.

My pleasure.

So you're a world renowned gynecologist and surgeon.

You're also a transgender woman.

Can you tell me a little bit about that? I identify as a woman.

But you're a woman, right? I'm a woman.

That's my life day to day.

But I have a transgender history.

So one thing on your website, it says gender affirm Gav.

Gender affirming vaginal plasty.

What is that exactly? Vaginaplasty is the creation of a female vagina.

And Balva.

We're altering the physical characteristics of the individual

to fit better with a gender identity that is female.

This is all constructed from the penis.

Yes, that's right.

The surgeries are quite refined in the sense that they really not only do they

look like female anatomy, but they also function that way for the most part.

I mean, certainly it's a bit of a Faustian bargain.

It's not perfect.

Does anyone ever regret their surgeries? We know they do.

But how often do people regret their surgeries?

Well, actually, we don't know that they do.

There are legitimate detransitioners, and there are people who

truly feel that in their journey they may have made a mistake.

Now, fortunately, this is a really uncommon phenomenon.

I don't know if you've ever heard of people in the trans abled community.

These are people who are physically able bodied but

feel like they should be disabled or identify as such.

For example, a man who has two arms but feels like you should have one.

If a man in this kind of marginalized community went to

the doctor and said, I want to have my arm cut off, do

you think that doesn't have anything to do with gender

identity? Someone's self identity? That's someone who has.

And I'll accept it as a mental diagnosis, a psychiatric condition.

I don't even pretend to know what abdomen affiliate is all about, but somehow it's

the idea that you're fascinated or charmed by having a limb or part of a limb missing.

Okay, I would say that's, pardon my non medical language, Kooky.

You don't see any.

Do you think this is totally irrelevant? Yes.

So the biggest broadest question is, what is a woman? A

woman is a combination of your physical attributes and then

what you're showing to the world and the gender clues that

you give, and hopefully those match your gender identity.

The critics on the other side of this issue, there aren't many.

But go ahead.

There aren't many who would disagree with what you're saying

about, well, the dinosaurs of the world are certainly out there.

How long have you been running the shop here? 25 years.

Wow.

Now you had an incident here a little while ago that went really viral online.

Lots of reaction in the public.

Aberdeen Councilwoman ties confronted owner Don

Sucker about a sign he posted in his store one day.

I just put the sign up over here and he came around

the corner and I thought, okay, I recognize him.

I said, oh, I recognize you.

You're our new city Councilman.

He says, no, I'm your new city Council woman.

So it was kind of on from there.

You know what? It's bullshit.

Your spouting is bullshit.

No, it's not.

Women are women.

Sir, that sign is bullshit.

I've been doing this 25 years.

I've never had a problem with anybody.

Whether they're gay, trans, sex, anything.

Now you're saying, Councilman he, this individual is saying,

I'm a woman, right? And you said, you're not a woman.

How do you know that person is not a woman? How do I know? Well, common sense.

Doesn't the science say that if someone identifies as

a woman, then they are? No, that's completely bogus.

I don't care if you think you're a sheep dog and you come into my store.

It don't matter to me.

Just don't come in and try to shove that shit down my throat.

If it makes someone feel better.

What about their feelings? I don't give a shit about their feelings.

I'm old.

What about a Star Wars universe charge our banks pansexual? Do you think

transgender? Why would I even care if it's his truth? Well, it ain't true.

You're not a scientist.

You're not a gender studies major.

Or are you? No.

Okay.

How do you know that you're a man? How do I know that? I guess because I got a Dick.

Well, I guess Don isn't overthinking it.

He admits he's not a gender studies major or at the very least, a doctor.

Maybe I should go talk to one.

My name is Michelle 14, and I have a medical degree from University of Connecticut.