A Hero of Our Times (Un eroe dei nostri tempi)

- Why do you avoid stepping on lines? - Well, they say it's bad luck.

- And do you believe in this? - Maybe it's not true,

but, if in doubt, it's better not to step on them.

- What're you doing, where're you going? - Let me know when you stop!

- Should I whistle at you? - Yes, you should,

because I don't like to be bumping into people.

You're crazy! Is this the way to drive a car?

- What a hit! - You're the one who's crazy.

You're the crazy one, I've even got witnesses.

- What? - Those three, over there.

Where're you going? They want to get us into trouble! Let's beat it!

I'm not afraid, but I'm lucky enough to be cautious.

- The scooterist could have got hurt. - Even worse, isn't it?

If he's hurt, he dies.

And then, what will the police say?

At first, that you killed him, then that you've moved the body.

And then, pictures in the newspapers, law suits, scandals,

they discover you didn't pay your taxes, that you have a mistress, you're on coke,

they tie you to the call-girls.

You were saying? Me, a witness?

- I'm melting. - Are you high?

- No. - Well!

I'm not high, but I don't want to be caught up in this.

What are you talking about! Listen to this.

- What? - "Dancer found dead in the bathtub,

lover charged because he couldn't remember where he was the night of the murder."

That's bad, he should have remembered.

- The murder happened six moths ago! - So?

- I'd like to see what you'd have done! - I remember where I was six months ago.

- Say it! Where're you on the night of... - The night of...?

January, 20th!

- Of...? - January, 20th, night.

Of January, 20th, well...?

December, January, 20.

First, at the exit of the variete with you, then at the cafe, 22:20 in bed.

Please, check it.

- Let me see. - Please.

Let me see!

Here, check it.

And you write everything down? Every day?

Every day, it might seem useless,

but if I'm on trial tomorrow, I can always answer. Please.

- That notepad is useless. - Don't you say!

I do say it. Tomorrow the police arrives all of a sudden at your house...

.. and they arrest you for the murder of the dancer.

- No, no. - Alright, it's an error,

- but they throw you in jail all the same. - No!

- No! - Yes!

First of all, nobody enters my house, if they don't have an arrest warrant,

- because I wouldn't open! - They bring the door down.

- I'm innocent! - They fling you inside all the same, and then they talk.

No, they don't fling me inside, because I'm a free citizen.

- Lower your voice. - No, I can speak loud,

because I'm a citizen of the Republic, I pay my taxes and they don't arrest me!

- They arrest you, they arrest you. - What're you saying?

- They arrest you! - Who, me?

- But there's no motive! - If there's no motive, they arrest you all the same.

- O, yes? - Yes!

Then, if you've got that far, I'll take a bomb, throw it and blow everything up!

- Who's throwing the bomb? - Who is it, chief?

Young man? I'm talking to you, come here.

- You're talking to me? - Yes, to you, to you.

- I have to catch the tram. - Let us see your papers.

If I may,

- I'm their office... - It doesn't concern you!

Papers, please.

The identity card.

We were saying throw the bomb, but only like this, theoretically.

Because he said a an arrest warrant was needed.

This has expired.

Because my father's dead, I live with my aunt.

If you say it's expired, I'll renew it.

- Look carefully, Sir, has it expired? - Yes, yes, it has expired!

It doesn't have a stamp.

I said so, you know, show it to me.

I said so, if it's ben established a stamp is needed, I'll have one put.

Besides, it was his. What kind of gift is it, without a stamp?

- Dottore, you tell him. - Excuse me.

What's this?

- The stamp? - Alright, alright.

But watch your language and leave bombs alone, especially at this hour.

- Good evening. - Good evening, dottore.

Damn!

Why didn't he ask for your papers too?

You say you're cautious, and then you start shouting: "I'll throw a bomb"!

No, it's you who have provoked me!

I'd punish myself, you can't go out at nights!

What're you doing? I'm going home, what about you? Good night.

I won't go out with that one anymore!

He's so scared, he even frightens me.

When I'm around him, I'm never at ease, I don't know!

- He influences me. - He influences you?

I only have to think about this winter, in Venice, we went on a tour,

we were on the steamer and out of the blue he shouts: "Help, help!"

Everyone jumps overboard; the accountant gets three months in bed with pneumonia.

- And then the manager drowns. - What had happened?

Nothing! We could never understand.

- Wool underwear in May! - You know he wears it until July.

August, September... Good evening!

- May I? - Please, please.

Here it is. 10,000 for the rent,

- 240 for the 12 phone calls. - There were 14!

O, 14, here it is.

- Does it settle it? - Yes, it's fine, thank you.

- Open up, police! - O, my God, Clotilde!

- What can the police want!? - Open up, or I'll break the door!

Break it!

Open. Don't be afraid.

Did I scare you?

Why do you frighten us like this, Alberto?

To teach you, you already are mistaken; at night, you don't open to anyone.

You must say: "D'you have an arrest warrant?" That's what you must say!

You're joking, but today they've served us with the eviction order.

- Eviction? - In three moths.

We don't go out anymore, and we barricade ourselves in the house.

- And they'll throw tear gas bombs. - And I'll throw the fragmentation bomb!

- I'm not at all joking! - Don't play the anarchist as uncle Ernesto did.

Like who? What d'you mean, poor uncle Ernesto was so kind...

- Oh, good evening! - Oh, good night.

- You mean uncle Ernesto was an anarchist? - Eh!

- He wanted to kill the king! - His majesty?

Poor soul, they'd put him inside every time the king went out in his carriage.

You have to tell me everything, I must be sure I'm alright.

Maybe I've inherited some kind of instincts from uncle Ernesto.

I was stopped by the police tonight because I said: "I'll throw a bomb!"

- The police stopped you? - Gracious God, the police!

You must tell me everything, about relatives, aunts, everyone!

Today a word's enough to put you into trouble.

- Is the eggy ready? Come on! - Yes, it's ready.

Here it is.

The hammer.

- Has the manager already got in? - Yes.

I'll go in through the shop then, thanks.

- I'll go in through the shop, I'm late. - Comrade, the door's always open for you.

Comrade, what comrade, what's he rambling about!?

Why the familiarity?! Show a dog a finger, and he wants the whole hand.

- Dottore, could you please sign this? - What is it?

- A protest against microphones. - Why get me into trouble, I'm on your side!

Everyone has signed it, you're the only one left.

Take a cigarette and forget about the signature.

- I'll come back later! - Come later, and I'll give you another one.

Answering your letter from the 15th of the current...

- X, 2... - Any news?

One moment, eh!

2 X, 2.

Put me with 10, Balestrazzi with 5,

- and the usher with 2. - The usher.

- And you? - No, not me.

- Any news? - Your office manager was looking for you.

- Is she angry? - She's excited.

- Excited... - It seems the body of her husband is on it's way.

Good day, dottore!

How're you?

Dandy.

You know, Alberto, I've got news you'll also be pleased about.

After 5 years of fighting the bureaucracy, the body of my husband...

- .. has arrived in Brennero. - Great, congratulation, I'm happy, dottore.

Five years is a lot of time for the nerves of a woman.

- Mr. Menichetti. - My God, who is it?

This morning also you were 10 minutes late.

No, Sir, I had sent him on an errand.

Alright.

How lucky of me to have you to look over me, dottore.

- That beard, Alberto! - I've got tough skin.

You could never go into diplomacy,

my husband used to shave it even twice a day.

As did all those in the delegation in Bucarest.

Hello? The undertakers.

Alo!?

Hello? Madame De Ritis speaking.

- No, of course! - I'm listening

- There's dust, take the duster. - The little rag?

The coffin's in Brennero? Yes? It already has been cleared.

What a relief. Yes, free port, I understand.

I don't want anything to happen like the last time.

It had already arrived in Brennero and it was sent back to Bucarest.

But listen, dear Sir, the zinc case wasn't in the estimate, if I'm not wrong.

- O, my! - Yes, but, still, 10,000 more...

- What thieves! - Patience.

- Write! - I write.

Yes, the body will arrive...

- The body... - On the 17th,

with the 6:25 express, platform 8.

Very well, thank you.

- Madame De Ritis? - Yes, Sir.

Did a warehouse-keeper ask you to sign a protest against microphones?

- No, Sir. - Fine.

Anyway, try finding out who has signed it, then we'll see about it.

Everybody has, with my exception.

- If you want, I can name the names, Lucidi, Balestrazzi... - Enough!

Can I go, Sir?

Give me the scissors.

I had just got on the tram, and what d'you think he does?

- What? - He puts his hand here!

- Do you get me, this geezer! - And you?

- You know, he must have been at least 40! - What nerve!

- And this must be the '56 model? - Yes, Sir, lobbia style,

for the next year.

That's not it, it seems like a model from fifty years ago.

Our opinion is, Sir, that fashion goes and comes around.