Blast from the Past

- Looks just as good. - Where do you get these?

- He's got a million. - They're so funny.

Just remember, don't mention the Communists.

Calvin's a great guy, but he's a little....

- Nutty? - What's his wife like?

- You know, housewife. - Likes to cook.

- Pregnant. - Normal, then.

I wouldn't go that far.

- Helen. Hi. - Oh, hi, Betty.

- Hi, Dave. - Just look at you.

- Any day now. - Say hi to my sister, Ruth...

Tell me if you heard this one.

- A duck walks into a drugstore. - Ha, ha.

He says, "I'd like some lip gloss."

The clerk says, "Certainly, sir. Will this be cash or check?"

- The duck says, "Put it on my bill." Ah? - Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, brother.

He was a golden-boy professor at Caltech.

But then he started inventing things.

He suddenly became very rich, and that was it, he quit teaching.

- How's that? - Just what the doctor ordered. Ha, ha!

Calvin spends all of his time out there, tinkering around in the workshop.

If you ask me, it's all very strange.

Same is true of batteries.

I could take your simple yacht battery and rig it to last a decade, easily.

Say, Helen...

what does Calvin think about this trouble down in Cuba?

Oh, for heaven's sakes, please don't bring that up.

I'd say my baseball card collection is as complete as any one I've ever seen.

Calvin? Hey, Calvin, Calvin.

Kennedy is going toe to toe with Khrushchev on television right now.

- What? - Ooh, boy.

On the island of Cuba...

unmistakable evidence has established the fact...

that a series of offensive missile sites...

is now in preparation on that imprisoned island.

Tower, this is Wolf 1. I got five miles to the overhead.

Wolf 1, Tower, report the numbers.

You're number one for the overhead.

Tower, this is Wolf 1, I got a problem here.

State your problem, Wolf 1. Are you declaring an emergency?

Stand by, 1.

Additional sites appear to be designed...

for intermediate-range ballistic missiles...

and thus capable of striking most of the major cities...

in the western hemisphere.

Folks, given this extraordinary turn of events...

I think it's prudent we cut this evening short.

I'm sure this Cuban thing will resolve itself...

but in the meantime...

I suggest we take a prayerful watch-and-wait stance.

Okay, folks, let's go.

Bye, Helen. Wish it could have been longer.

- My coat. - Oh, here you go.

I'll call you, Betty.

What did I tell you?

Thank you.

I'm not gonna let this pot roast go to waste.

Calvin, could you put that seat cushion back on the lawn chair, honey?

Shouldn't we at least turn off the phonograph?

- It shuts off automatically. - Oh. Did you rig it to do that?

- They all do. - Oh.

I never know anymore.

I'll bet that's a fighter jet on its way to Key West.

Good luck, amigo.

An emergency has been declared.

An emergency has been declared.

You hear that? I'll come back for the radio.

Oh, Calvin, I wish you would've at least let me do the dishes.

It's not gonna be easy to get all this dried-on food off my nice plates.

I just hope those plates are not radioactive by tomorrow.

Well, cheese is particularly troublesome.

I've got secondaries of an engine fire.

I'm gonna need to find a clear area to eject.

Roger, Wolf 1. Can you make it to the ocean?

Roger that, Tower.

I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting, Tower.

Roger, Wolf 1.

So how long will we have to stay down here?

For this thing to blow over could take days.

Days? Honey, what if I go into labor?

That could happen any time now.

I've read up on it.

If I have to, I'll deliver the baby myself.

Home, sweet home.

To you, maybe.

- Are you all right? - I think so.

Aah! It's happened. Aah, look at that heat.

All my surface indicators knocked out. Oh, Lord!

It's happened.

What was that noise?

The locks.

The locks?

To keep us from trying to leave.

There's a radiation half-life after an atomic blast.

It lasts 35 years.

Thirty-five years?

Then, after that, it's safe to go up.

According to Caltech, this Webber guy was a bona fide genius...

but a borderline nutcase.

Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit.

Unless we get a postcard or something, that'd be my guess.

- What about relatives? - They're all back east.

Neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here.

She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr Pepper.

- He drank it hot? - Yeah.

Good God.

Hi, hon. Feeling better?

No.

We have to be strong...

if not for ourselves, for the child.

All our friends....

Burnt to a crisp.

- I'm not hungry. - Hot Dr Pepper. Your favorite.

No, Calvin, your favorite.

Really?

Chilly? Shouldn't be.

- Temperature's a nice 73 degrees. - Oh, maybe I've just got the creeps.

How could you? This is just like home.

No. No, Calvin.

This is different, believe me.

Would you like a tranquilizer?

- You've got tranquilizers? - I told you, I have everything.

- What? - Oh.

Oh, hon.

It's gonna be all right. Yeah. Just breathe.

I'll get my stuff.

Oh, it's a good day For singin' a song

And it's a good day For movin' along

Yes, it's a good day How could anything go wrong?

A good day From mornin' till night

- Yes it's a good day - It's a lovely day

For shinin' your shoes

- And it's a good day - If you want a silver linin'

For losin' the blues

Everything to gain And nothing to lose

'Cause it's a good day From mornin' to night

You're right!

I said to the sun "Good mornin', sun!"

- Is there a problem? - No, Calvin, babies cry.

- I've noticed. - What should we call him?

I don't know.

Well, I was thinking in light of the situation...

we should call him Adam.

- That's not sacrilegious, is it? - No, I think it's just right.

And I was wondering if.... If....

Whatever you want, Helen.

I want a bedroom ceiling.

You got it.

'Cause it's a good day For payin' your bills

And it's a good day For curin' your ills

So take a deep breath Throw away all your pills

'Cause it's a good day From mornin' till night

See, I flick this switch...

and the image is projected onto a mirror...

and the picture comes out here, and it's perfect.

- Well, almost perfect. - Jackie Gleason.

You know something? People will never get tired of watching these.

Lord...

bless this food, this family...

and make us ever mindful of the needs of others.

- Amen. - Amen.

Let's eat.

Calvin?

- Out here, hon. - Oh, there you are.

We've looked all over for you.

What are you doing back here?

- I was just examining this rear hatchway. - Why?

Well, it's pretty clear that when the bomb went off, the front entrance caved in...

so, you know, we'll have to return to the surface using this back entrance...

which is very nice because it has the service elevator.

- Unless it's caved in too. - Well, yes.

- You wanted to see me? - Yes. You ready, Adam? Watch this.

He can stand up all by himself. Show Daddy.

- All by himself. Stand up, Adam. - That's my guy.

Stand up.

My son.

Up, Adam, to the moon.

Hey, boss.

What do you make of this?

- Damned if I know. - Bet it's some kind of septic tank.

Never seen a septic tank that looked like that.

Don't fool with it. If it is a septic tank, I don't wanna open it.

We'll just lay the foundation over it.

"In Wonderland."

I'd like to see the public school system match that. I don't care how terrific it is.

Don't you think he's a little young for school?

People have no idea what the human mind is capable of.

Look, Daddy. Alice went down a hole, just like us.

Will I ever get to go up on top?

Yes, you certainly will, and you'll find a nice girl...

and rebuild America just the way it used to be.

Oh, Calvin. I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept.

I'm convinced there'll be other survivors.

In fact, I'm guessing there's life on the surface even now.

Not life worth living, perhaps, but believe me...

something is moving around up there.

I'm gonna need two more banana splits and a Cherry Coke.

You bet, Mom. Coming up.

Oh, by the way, Mom, thanks for the job.