Rules of Engagement

- Hey, Jeff. - Hey.

How was your softball game?

Well, I was powerful at the plate,

graceful on the field, gazelle-like on the base paths.

- You won? - Lost 26 to 9.

We had a girl playing second base.

Girls can be good.

Not this one, for as bad as she was, she might as well have been straight.

What's...

happening here?

Well, when you were losing, I was...

cleaning our closets and getting rid of old stuff.

There's my college T-shirts?

- You're not getting rid of those. - Why not?

You haven't worn them in 12 years.

We haven't used our wedding china in 12 years either,

let's throw that out.

What happens now?

Do I say, "Good point, you can keep your T-shirts?"

Look, it's not the same thing, but each one of these shirts

represents a special memory in my life.

"Special memory" as the...

Yabba Grabba Brew Party?

Syracius, 87, I was appointed Keg-Meister General of this event.

I led my men to victory over the forces of sobriety.

Come on, haven't you outgrown these?

I bet they still fit.

I meant emotionally.

How's that look?

You look like the Incredible Hulk

if he turned white and didn't do sit-ups.

I'm going through these bills.

Did you know we're still paying for your storage unit?

Yeah, we have to. I don't want them confiscating my valuables.

Why don't you just move your stuff in here?

You don't want in here. It's a bunch of crap.

Either move it in or get rid of it.

I'm just saying you don't want my stuff junking up your apartment.

Our apartment.

You said your apartment.

- Did I say that? - Yes. It's our apartment.

Of course it is. All I'm saying is I just realized

it's nice the way it is, you have done some top-notch work here, honey.

Yes, but I did that all before you moved in.

Now that we're leaving together, your stuff should be here too.

It's heavy!

You know how lazy I am.

- I'll help. - Okay.

Good.

Really? She wanted you to...

- throw them out? - Yeah.

They're not just T-shirts, they're memories of important events.

Spring breaks, concerts, football games, credit card promotions.

You have done some living.

Hey guys, I want you to meet my new friend Jesse.

- Hey, Jesse, Jeff. - Adam, nice to meet you.

Nice grip, I like it when it's firm.

Excuse me, I have a call.

Sure.

I like this one.

She's obsessed with sex.

Which is perfect for me because I do not like a challenge.

You already slept with her?

No, but by the way she talks, could be any minute.

Everything she says sounds dirty.

Like when she shook your hand, she says, "I like it when it's firm."

Russell, that's just something people say.

Maybe it's not her dirty mouth, maybe it's your perverted ears.

Well, we'll see. Here she comes. Listen what she says.

- Sorry, that was my bar manager. - That's right.

Jesse's opening up a new club this Saturday night, you should go.

Yeah, you guys should definitely check out my opening.

You know, it takes a...

little time for things to heat up down there,

so try not to come too early.

Now you heard the lady.

It is a good thing Adam held on to these.

These will come in handy when you have 75 people over for shots.

Oh, look, his junior prom photo.

Judging by the sideburns, someone was a 90210 fan.

His date's pretty though. She looks Polynesian.

Here's his senior prom photo.

Still looks like Luke Perry but different girl.

Also Polynesian.

Why? Does Adam have a thing with Polynesian girls?

Apparently. His last girlfriend, Sonia, was Hawaiian.

I guess Adam has a type.

A type I'm clearly not.

I wonder what else I don't know about him.

You're not really worried about this, are you?

I'm not the kind of girl who gets crazy--

Do you think it's weird that he didn't want to move his stuff in?

I think it's weird you did.

You're being silly.

I don't think I am.

He asked you to marry him, didn't he?

But it was a spur of the moment thing when we moved in together.

There's no ring, no date, we don't even talk about it.

All right, look. Adam loves you.

You are his future. Those girls are his past.

Look at this. I forgot I still had it.

That's sexy, isn't it?

Come on! It's gonna look great next to the bed.

Oh yeah, baby. Aloha!

Hey, Jeff!

What are you watching?

That's an interesting show...

A lovely woman took ingredients she found in her own kitchen

and cooked an entire meal from scratch.

What's that on? The Sci-Fi channel?

- What have you got there? - I got you a present.

- What is it? - What do you think?

My shirts! What did you do to my shirts?

I had a quilt made out of them.

Rhetorical question, Audrey.

You just took dozens of manly things

and you turned them into on big girl thing.

They were all in the closet. Now, they're out, and proud.

- Not helping. - Look,

now you can see them everyday

and we get a lot of closet space freed up.

Come on. Try it.

It's warm.

Look at this one. Huey Lewis concert, 1985.

The News was tight, that show.

You see? All your memories in one place.

And it is kinda convenient.

Thanks, you're all right.

- I'm glad you like it. - Hey, come on here.

Get under here.

It sounds snugly.

Look at that one. Spring break, Daytona '87.

First day I went to big belly flop contest.

I win.

I think I won a T-shirt for that, too.

There it is.

Right next to my Citibank 10K challenge shirt.

That's a race I did not run.

Then how did I get the T-shirt, you ask?

Interesting story.

It was an overcast day, I think it was September.

The race was scheduled...

They have the tortellini soup you like.

Shut up.

What's your problem?

Remember all those dirty double entendres

I said I liked so much before?

Well, not so much anymore.

Why not?

Because her words arouse my desires,

but her actions aren't having sex with me.

But this might not be her fault, I mean, your desires get aroused

when you see them dressing the manequins at Bloomingdale's.

Some of those boobs are crazy real.

Anyway, this is Jesse's phone. I can prove it.

Check this out.

A mailman tried to hand her some mail.

But she said,

"Can you just slide it in my slot?"

She meant the mail slot.

Did she?

And we were caught out in the rain the other day and she goes,

"Rain makes me really wet."

Well, technicaly, that's true.

But who says it like that?

And the deli guy asked her if she wanted her turkey sliced thin

and she says: "No, I like my meat thick."

That is weird. I mean, nobody likes thick turkey.

Come on!

You know how some people make double entendres and they go...

"That's what she said."

Yeah, I did go to junior high school.

I think Jesse is "she."

She's the "she" of "that's what she said." You found her.

Well...

That would be great, except she doesn't know what she's saying.

I'm gonna have to get out of this.

I've never seen you walk away from such a hot girl.

I know. I might be growing.

That's what she said.

God! What is that smell?

It's a shirt I wore under my pads in high school football.

Great. Twenty-year-old BO.

No, that's a smell of victory. You can't wash that out.

Start the movie.

Journey concert.

1987 at the Garden.