Fishing Naked

ACT THREE FINALE.

FBI, KILLS BIGFOOT.

ACTION. GET ON THE GROUND.

I'M NOT BIGFOOT. GET DOWN.

I'M NOT BIGFOOT. DON'T SHOOT.

GET DOWN.

WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE THE HELL IS THE CREATURE?

OH, BOY.

WHAT THE HELL.

HEY, THERE, BUDDY?

LOOKS LIKE I CAUGHT YOU IN THE MIDDLE.

OF YOUR MORNING BATH.

WELL, WHAT THE--NO, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'LL JUST HEAD FURTHER DOWNSTREAM.

WHAT THE FUCK.

RUN.

HELP. HELP.

HELP.

BIGFOOT'S AFTER ME.

HELP.

BIGFOOT. RUN.

HEY, MAN.

I'M TYING A KNOT HERE.

DUDE, WE GOT TO RUN.

BIGFOOT'S COMING.

ACTUALLY, YOU'VE GOT TO RUN.

I'M FIRST NATIONS.

I'VE GOT NO BEEF WITH HAIRY MAN.

WHAT?

GET OUT OF HERE, MAN.

HELP.

BIGFOOT'S AFTER ME.

SON OF A BITCH, THAT HURTS.

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

YEAH, WE REALLY GOT HIM GOOD, BRO.

ONE LESS WEEKEND WARRIOR IN OUR TROUT WATERS.

MAN, IS THIS SUIT GETTING TIRED.

YEAH, I CAUGHT IT ON A STICK.

I ALMOST RIPPED THE WHOLE DAMN THING OFF...

... ALONG WITH MY BALL SACK.

I THINK WE'RE GOING TO NEED...

... TO GET A NEW ONE.

NO, WE CAN PROBABLY FIX IT UP...

...A FEW MORE TIMES.

MAN, THAT GUY FUCKIN' LOST IT.

IT'S PRETTY AWESOME.

AND THAT LAST LINE OF YOURS,

'YOU'RE TRESPASSING,'.

THAT IS HYSTERICAL, MAN.

YES.

YOU'RE A QUARTER WHITE, MAN, LIGHTEN UP.

THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ANY FISH...

... FOR THE NEXT FEW HUNDRED YARDS, AT LEAST.

YEAH, BUT I GOT HIM WAY BEFORE THE MEAT HOLE.

SO WE'RE GOOD FROM THERE UP.

COOL, BECAUSE GRANDMA WANTS ME...

... TO BRING HOME A BUNCH OF FISH.

WHAT, NO CATCH AND RELEASE, MR. PURIST?

NOT TODAY.

NOT TODAY.

DAVID?

DAVID.

ARE YOU HERE?

DAVID?

I HOPE HE REMEMBERS TO BRING FISH BACK FOR OUR GUEST.

OH, SHIT.

DON'T LOOK AT 'EM.

WELL, THAT'S HIM.

THAT'S THE KID.

TELL HIM ABOUT BIGFOOT.

HEY, ART, WHAT'S UP?

NOW, TELL HIM ABOUT BIGFOOT.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

WE JUST SAW A CRAZY GUY...

... RUNNING DOWN THE STREAM.

YOU LOOKED PRETTY CRAZY. YEAH.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

STEVE JOBS.

OH, COME ON, KID.

THE CREATURE CHASED ME...

... FROM HALF A MILE DOWN THE RIVER.

WHAT'D YOU CALL HIM, HAIRY MAN?

WHOA, MAN.

THAT'S ENOUGH. TELL HIM.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE RELEASE DAVID?

NO. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO DOWN.

TO THE STATION... I'M THE PRESIDENT...

... OF FIRST FREAKING BANK, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

AND IF YOU GIVE US A FULL REPORT, I'LL...

... TELL HIM WHAT YOU SAW OUT THERE.

I'M SORRY. WE JUST SAW A CRAZY GUY...

... MESSING UP OUR FISHING. LET HIM GO.

ALL RIGHT, PROBABLY SEEN A BEAR.

IT WASN'T A BEAR.

OKAY. IT WASN'T A BEAR.

YOU TWO, TAKE OFF, AND I'LL GO FIND BIGFOOT.

HAIRY MAN.

HAIRY MAN.

I'LL GET YOU SOME DRY CLOTHES, SOME FOOD,

AND MAYBE A SEDATIVE.

WHOA.

HEY, SARAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

NOTHING WITH YOU.

HI, DAVID.

SARAH.

BITCH. DUDE.

SHE'S LIKE THE LAST SINGLE GIRL IN TOWN.

THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S A BITCH.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

GOD, IT WAS SUCH A GOOD DAY TODAY, BRO.

WE SCARED THE HELL OUT OF THAT TOURIST.

UH-HMM.

IT'S JUST LIKE I WAS NEVER GONE.

WHAT?

IT'S COOL TO SCARE A COUPLE OF TOURISTS,

BUT NEITHER ONE OF US CAN AFFORD...

... TO GET ARRESTED, AGAIN.

RELAX, MAN. NOBODY KNOWS IT'S US.

WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET CAUGHT.

RODNEY, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN ANYBODY.

THERE ARE NO SECRETS IN THIS TOWN.

LOOK WHO'S TALKING, SLUT.

HOW'S FISHING TODAY?

PRETTY GOOD.

OKAY. RODNEY. I HAVE FIVE FIRST TIMERS.

THRASHING ON THE RIVER TODAY.

AND I KNOW I STILL GOT MORE FISH THAN YOU DID.

BULLSHIT.

YOU KNOW, GENIUSES, IT IS FIRE SEASON.

DAVID, WHY DO YOU HANG OUT WITH THIS PUNK?

HE JUST MAKES YOU STUPID.

I'LL BEAT YOU STUPID, RC.

SIT DOWN, RODNEY. I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU.

HERE. WHAT IS THIS?

THAT WAS MY CHAI.

THANKS FOR THAT. IT'S MOOSE URINE.

HI, GRANDMA OTTERTALE.

HI.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING.

I CAN'T. HELPING MY DAD ALL DAY.

WHATEVER. MORE FISH FOR ME.

YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA GET BORED WHEN YOU DON'T CATCH ANYTHING,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE HOME EARLY.

NO.

DID YOU CATCH ANY FISH?

OF COURSE.

DID YOU SEE ANYTHING INTERESTING?

NO.

NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. WHY?

I'VE SEEN AN ORB LAST NIGHT.

YOU MEAN ONE OF THE 'BRIGHT LIGHTS'

THAT PEOPLE TALK ABOUT...

... AFTER SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME...

... IN THE SWEAT LODGE?

YES. IT WAS A GREEN ONE.

THEY ALWAYS COME FIRST.

NO ORBS, GRANDMA.

OKAY.

GOOD LUCK.

I BROUGHT HOME A WHOLE BAG OF FRESH TROUT,

AND WE'RE EATING FROZEN FISH STICKS.

THEY'RE FOR COMPANY.

WHAT COMPANY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

LOOKING FOR ORBS.

COME ON, GRANDMA. YOU HAVE TO EAT.

BEFORE YOU TAKE YOUR HEART MEDICINE.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU'RE SEEING ORBS.

I'M SEEING ORBS BECAUSE SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN.

EAT YOUR DINNER, PLEASE.

OKAY.

I GOT IT.

HEY, ART.

DAVID.

HELLO, LOUISE.

HEY, ARTHUR. DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?

NO, THANKS. I HAVE A LOT ON MY PLATE TONIGHT.

UH-HMM.

DID YOU SEE ANY ORBS?

NOT LATELY.

I SAW A GREEN ONE LAST NIGHT.

REALLY, WHAT TIME?

WHAT'S UP, ART?

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK...

... BILL WAS HALLUCINATING OUT THERE TODAY.

I DON'T KNOW.

CITY GUY,

NOT USED TO THE FRESH AIR.

PROBABLY SAW A BEAR.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT ALSO...

... UNTIL HE MENTIONED A HAIRY MAN, DAVID.

YOU SAW A HAIRY MAN?

NO, GRANDMA.

JUST SOME CRAZY TOURIST HALLUCINATING.

THOUGHT HE SAW HIM.

HE PROBABLY DID...

... BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY HERE.

YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU AND RODNEY DO ME A FAVOR...

... AND JUST TAKE IT EASY FOR A WHILE.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LAUNCH...