Picture This

You ready, girls?

Nice.

Do it again, do it again. Nice.

And a few more.

That's great.

Do that again.

Bring it back in, bring it back in.

Go on, Erin.

Go on, keep going.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Love it.

Okay, let's do a team photo.

So, everyone who's taller, on the back.

Ready?

And then spin it. Oh, I love it.

Let's give it up for the Hackney Wick Ladies!

Three, two, one, Hackney!

- Jim. - Oh, hello, Pia.

What are you doing?

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

The foxes have been in your bins again.

- Don't worry, I'll sort it out. - Shh!

Can you put your penis away whilst you're doing it?

And just to clarify, I said you could pee in the studio,

not on the studio.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, mate.

- Sorry. Whoops! - Okay.

- Good luck, girls. - Thank you.

Oh, shit!

Hello?

Why didn't you answer first time?

- I'm in the middle of something. - Did you forget?

No, I didn't forget!

- I'm nearly there. I was just... - "Just, just." What "just?"

Mum, chill out. I'm on my way.

Come on, Beta. You know I need you there.

Hurry up and leave.

I'm literally minutes away.

I think she's still in bed.

Look, wig-head, stop winding Mum up.

I'm not winding her up.

- What was that noise? - Nothing! I'm fine!

I bet you're looking in the mirror right now.

You look like Cynthia from the Rugrats.

Hey, watch your tone.

I'm two years older than you, remember.

Eighteen months, but, sure, my respected Didi.

Yeah, I'm a businesswoman.

A respected pillar of the community.

- I don't know what she's saying. - What are you saying?

- I'm coming! - P, hurry up!

Oh, you're running away from good taste again?

Huh?

How much did we make from the girlies?

- Nothing. I've gotta go. Bye. - Pia, we can't afford charity!

- You all right? - I can't talk, Jim. I gotta go!

Sorry, sweetheart. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Whoa! Wait.

No!

What the...

- It's fine. It's fine. - Beta, what happened?

- Where are your shoes? - It's a long story.

- Can we just get some shoes? - No!

It's a half-hour appointment,

and we can't come all the way back to London.

Some magic treasure is waiting for both of you.

What do you mean?

As our scriptures say, "Curiosity is not a sin,

but we should exercise caution with our curiosity."

- Hang on, isn't that...? - Dumbledore?

Watched Goblet of Fire last night.

- Oh, nice. - Shh!

Let the games begin!

Madame Jaswani.

Please. It's my pleasure to accompany you.

After you.

So, some of these pieces

have been in our family for generations.

And the rest I have collected throughout my lifetime.

Not for me, but for you.

Oh, my God!

This is your wedding jewellery.

Oh, my God!

And this, sweetheart, is for you.

Are you happy?

Mum, this is amazing. Thank you.

And when you get married, you can take all of it.

But until then, it stays safely in this box.

What if I don't get married?

I'm not saying now. But one day, of course you will.

What if I don't want to get married? Right?

Guys, what if I want to continue to grow the studio,

make a positive contribution to the world,

and not be a part of...

I'm sorry, Son, what some may say is a social contract

that's gonna distract me from focusing on my career?

- Rude. - What if I don't want that?

Don't even joke about that.

You clearly haven't found the right man, PiPi.

I'm not joking.

Hey, I'm building a life for myself here, on my own.

I don't need a man to do that.

- You guys don't get it. - Get what?

You raised me to become an independent free-thinker.

- Yes, and? - And because I'm turning 30,

suddenly you're going back to old-school ways. Wow!

- That's not what I'm saying. - Look out, Mum.

Atomic bomb is about to blow her top.

Well, Son, you can take my jewellery.

I don't wanna be a part of this.

- Okay, I will. - Hey, hey, hey.

- What? - Chill out, Pia.

Next you'll say you don't want kids.

- I don't want kids! - You love kids!

But they're currently not a part of the plan!

No, no, it... it was an accident.

Yes, a customer's buttocks triggered the alarm,

- and now the... - You know what?

Yeah, it was an accident,

but maybe if you guys put a sign or something above your button,

people wouldn't hit your button with their buttocks!

- Oh. - Pia...

I'm sorry.

I'll go and get some new shoes, Mum.

Beta, I love you so much.

When will you realise this?

Everything I do, I do it for you.

Bryan Adams?

Oh, yeah.

When you were little, you had such chubby cheeks

and your two baby front teeth. Oh, you were so sweet!

And you didn't argue back then.

So, I was like your obedient chipmunk?

You still look like a chipmunk, to be fair.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

What?

- It's a MAMIL. - Oh, dear.

- What's a MAMIL? - Middle-aged man in Lycra.

We'll handle this. Jay, lock the doors.

Thank you for your support. So nice to see you.

- Thank you very much. - Did we just make a sale?

Yeah! Five pounds, bitches! We are so screwed.

God, he's coming.

- You deal with him. I'm not. - It's okay, I got this.

Hi. Hey. Hi, welcome to the Ninth Mandala.

How can I help you?

Yeah, I need some passport photos taken, actually.

Yeah, but I need my visa sorted, and they won't accept these.

- No idea why. - Interesting attire.

I'm so sorry I can't help you. This is a portraiture studio.

You could try Sainsbury's on Bethnal Green Road.

Look, you got loads of cameras over there! I spy your subject.

There's a printer over there,

and you can cut them with these, no?

- I think you need to leave. - Calm down, dear.

I am calm, dickhead. Now get out.

- Seriously, get out! - Yeah, get out, you knob.

And each toe does not need its own chamber. Go on.

- Thank God he's gone. - Yeah.

We should think about passport photos.

- We'd be raking in the cash. - No, Jay. Don't listen to him.

Remember, we're making art.

This whole studio is dedicated to my grandma.

I know. And her dream of being a photographer.

But every letter we're getting through the door

is a red-lined bill.

Well, we'll be fine. Just have faith.

We're not fine! We need to find some money soon.

Which means... you might need to loosen up a little bit.

Huh! I am loose.

Hon, I'm loose.

You're so tight we could mine diamonds out of your ass.

Well, speaking of diamonds, today I found out my mum

has been saving all this jewellery for me.

For my wedding.

Enough to pay our debt off 20 times over.

And it's all in this bank in Golders Green.

We need to rob that bank immeeds.

The only way we can get our hands on it is if I get married

- and that is never happening. - Okay, but the bank has said

that we need to pay our arrears in the next four weeks,

or they'll shut us down. So, we need to marry you off.

Or at least get you on a date.

- So, come out with me tonight. - No!

I have plans.

Plus, it's Sonal's engagement tomorrow.

Okay, well, I have a plus one

at a private view on Redchurch Street tonight.

Which is just down the road, so no excuses.

There'll be loads of fitties there.

I'm busy.

P, you cannot just stay here watering plants.

- I love my plants! - You'll turn into melancholy.

No, I won't. I won't turn into melancholy.

You won't lie in bed, endlessly browsing Deliveroo,

- dreaming of Shashi Kapoor? - I love Shashi Kapoor.

Come on, what have you got to lose?

- You might even get some D. - That is highly unlikely.