Best. Christmas. Ever!

A lot of people feel that holiday newsletters

are corny and old-fashioned.

Ho-ho-ho!

But in our family,

they're a time-honored tradition, so here goes.

"Dear friends, family,

and fellow Earth dwellers."

"We're back, after a brief one-year hiatus,

to report on the latest and greatest in the Jennings family."

"Life just seems to fly by,

but that's what happens when you're having a splendiferous time."

Ugh.

"At only ten years old,

our daughter, Beatrix,

became the youngest person ever accepted to Harvard University."

"As for our oldest son, Daniel,

his work continues helping to avert a humanitarian crisis in Africa,

and building a water purification system

that'll bring fresh and clean water to thousands."

- Ugh. - "And my better half, Valentino,

runs a highly-successful karate dojo."

"He's also directing our town's annual Christmas pageant,

which is Hadley Falls' biggest event of the year."

"And In case you're wondering about little ol' me,

well, my hard work finally paid off,

and I was able to sell Jennings Aviation this year and retire early."

"I'm always searching for new adventures."

"The latest is fulfilling Daniel's dream to promote green energy

by taking a family trip around the world in a solar-powered hot air balloon."

- - Really?

Who sends Christmas letters anymore?

I mean, how much of this can a person take?

Don't bother. I know the answer.

As for me, I would never send one of those letters.

Why, you might ask?

Well, my family's accomplishments are hardly newsworthy.

This is my youngest, Dora. Cute as a button.

But thanks to Marvel, she believes she has superpowers.

"Super strength"?

Okay, we can cross that one off the list.

Never mind.

Let's get in the car.

And do me a favor, give me a heads-up before you try flying again.

Okay, Mom.

I know everyone thinks their kids are exceptional, but… come on already.

I nominate Bob for copilot.

- He's a born navigator. - And then there's Grant.

- - He thinks he's a ninja warrior.

And his only friend in the world is a stufty named Monkey Bob.

- Do we really have to go to Aunt Stacy's? - They're family. It's Christmas.

Why can't we go to Jackie's house?

- Who? - Your pal Jackie from this letter.

They sound super awesome.

You are friends, right?

Pfft! I mean, no. Yes, we were.

- Sort of. A long time ago. - I wanna fly in her balloon.

Okay. Well, let me tell you something about my BFF, Jackie.

I would love nothing more than to show up at her house uninvited

and to see the actual truth of all her imagined…

Forget it.

Uh, put Aunt Stacy's new address in here, and don't download any games.

What?

Yeah.

Hop on in. Okay, kiddo?

This is my adorable husband, the dreamer.

Every house he sees for sale,

he thinks it's an opportunity to make some big money.

- Check this out. - He dreams. I worry.

We can't afford to buy that house right now.

- Let's just dip into the emergency fund. - That would be a swan dive.

It's for emergencies, like losing our jobs, or a flood, or…

zombies?

Your Chip Mitt is gonna pay off, babe.

It's just taking a little longer than we thought.

- A little. - What was it John Lennon said?

"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

As for me, I finally gave up my dream to be a famous inventor.

I'm a reliability engineer with StarTech Industries.

When stuff you buy goes south, like our flaming vacuum cleaner here,

which Consumer Weekly nicknamed "The Vacuum of Death,"

- I'm the one you call to clean up... Oop! -

All right.

Andiamo.

Um, I think Bob just peed in the car.

Gross! What if I have super smell?

It'll be way, way worse for me.

It's gonna be a long drive to my sister's.

Yep. All right, the Sanders holiday travel train

is finally leaving the station.

Choo choo!

Only two hours behind schedule. We are improving.

Hit the brakes!

- -

Oh…

- Dude! - I just remembered.

We forgot to tell Santa where we'll be!

What if he sees we're not there

and gives our presents to the kids next door?

First of all, don't ever scream, "Hit the brakes."

And second, Santa knows.

How do you know he knows?

- 'Cause I called him. - You actually spoke… to Santa?

The fat man and I are like that, yo!

Homie.

Don't do that in public.

- Okay! -

Wow.

Is that…

Uh, the Jennings Holiday Newsletter. They missed sending it last year.

- I was wondering how they were doing. - Well, that's not gonna tell you anything.

It's the most absurd thing ever.

It's a holiday letter. They're always...

Smug? Boastful?

Overly positive.

I mean, doesn't it bother you that she makes up this preposterous stuff,

and then she broadcasts it to her "fellow Earth dwellers"?

Like, "Oh, you're life is amazing."

- How do you know she's making it up? - That's who she is.

Do you remember when she said she was best friends with Mariah Carey,

and she got her to sing at our graduation,

and then Mariah's tour bus conveniently got a flat?

And she even claimed that you proposed to her three times.

Well, that is ridiculous.

It was only once.

Kidding.

You're just defending her 'cause when you two dated,

you were in that No Doubt cover band.

- It was not a cover band. - It was called Total Certainty.

- We sang all original songs. - That sounded exactly like No Doubt.

Okay, look, I'm not defending anyone,

but just because Jackie embellishes a little does not mean...

Nobody's life is that wonderful, that perfect, that "splendiferous."

By, uh… "nobody's life,"

you mean ours?

- Rob! - Let me know when you wanna switch.

In half a mile, take the exit on the right.

I thought your sister moved closer to us.

- Isn't it almost midnight? - I know. It does seem far.

Could that be her house?

- It sure is pretty. - Are you kidding me?

Did you see the Santa on the... It's like a real-life sled.

Wow!

Looks like Stacy hit the lottery.

I mean, she said her new house was nicer, but I didn't think it'd be this nicer.

Okay, you guys stay in the car.

I texted to let them know we'd be late. I hope they're still up.

- - Ho-ho-ho!

- -

Oh no.

- Damn it. -

- -

Charlotte Sanders?

Jackie Jennings?

Oh my God!

Robbie, my rocker! Hey.

Hey, Jax.

What on earth are you doing here? I mean, is the band getting back together?

I was gonna ask you the same question. Isn't this my sister Stacy's house?

Uh, no, silly. This is my house.

Honey, are you sure you put the right address in your phone?

Of course I'm sure.

Oh wait, actually, I didn't put it in, I...

Surprise!

Merry Christmas, Mom.

Oh wow. He's stealthy. I'm guessing he's one of yours?

Not for long.

Grant Sanders, you have no idea how much trouble you and that monkey are in.

But you said there was nothing you would love more

than to show up at Jackie's house uninvited...

- Oh, that's enough. - You said that?

Uh, technically, I may have.

That is so sweet, Char.

Listen, I have been putting

"stop by anytime" on our newsletter for years,

and nobody has ever taken us up on the offer.

Val and I actually have a bet going,

and what I just won is gonna put us on Santa's "very naughty" list.

- If you know what I mean. - I'll try to imagine.

- - This is so awkward, um…

Oh, I am so sorry for waking you up.

I'm sorry for the mix-up, and, um, well, have a good night.

Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going, young lady?

Oh, well, to my sister's.

At this hour? I don't think so.

Grab your bags. There is plenty of room here at the inn.

Oh, no, no.

Are we here? I gotta pee super badly.

Me too.

Me three.

Okay. Well, we're gonna leave first thing in the morning.