The Kids Are Alright

Ah, thanks for the driving lesson.

- Sorry about my language. - That's okay, Mrs. Cleary.

I live near a construction site.

I just think it's exciting that you're taking this step

towards your independence as a woman.

I'm learning to drive as a person, not as a woman.

If I were learning as a woman,

I'd have you teach me how to drive badly.

That's one of Mike's jokes.

Which is why I'm not letting him teach me.

- Welcome home, ladies. - Oh, jeez, Frank,

you're always somewhere.

Wendi, I heard you went to that Germaine Greer book-signing.

Have you read "The Female Eunuch"?

Sadly, I can't. That's in the adult section at the library.

I only have the light blue card.

- Well, you can borrow mine. - Thank you.

Just please don't tell Mrs. Cryer, the head librarian.

She holds me in such high regard.

The most dangerous thing around my house

growing up wasn't the power mower

or the asbestos in the ceiling.

It was a bored Cleary boy looking to stir things up.

She's such a nice girl.

Exactly. Not my type at all.

But I could have used some lab goggles,

'cause you two have real chemistry.

What? That's crazy.

Come on, the old "lendy-loo" with the book?

She made up an excuse to see you again.

So you can exchange thoughts. And perhaps, saliva.

Stop. That's disgusting.

But... really? You think?

Who's up for some SAT prep?

That's a "rhetorical" question, right?

See? No need to study.

Can you believe someone threw this away?

It doesn't even have a shade.

We have a little saying in the garbage game...

the alley will provide.

Your friends on the truck should have another saying...

"I should have studied for the SATs."

It's just a summer job, but it rules.

I'm outside. It's exercise. I'm cleaning up this town.

I'm like a superhero... Garbage Man! Or...

Trash Man?

Which do you like?

I prefer your secret identity, mild-mannered Eddie

who wants to get into Berkeley with his girlfriend.

I need you to take the SAT this summer

so you can take it again in the fall

- and maybe get your score up. - Assuming I don't get

a perfect score first time out.

Yeah, let's take that leap.

Now, can we please study?

Ugh, I've been up since 6:00 a.m.

Want to make out by the light of the garbage lamp?

This is the third time I've been over this week,

and I can't get you to focus on the test.

It's like a million years from now.

It's 11 days.

I should probably register.

What? It's too late!

Now I'm really annoyed.

I'm starting to feel like

I care more about your future than you do.

- I can't make you do this, Eddie. - That's a relief.

It's not a relief. It's a big problem.

Maybe we just go to city college for a while.

No way. I want to get out of here

and do something with my life.

I heard they have a class that goes to a real farm.

We shouldn't even be talking about Wendi.

She's Eddie's girlfriend.

But you two are such a better match.

She may be dating Eddie just to get close to you.

I know that's what I'd do.

If you were interested in me, you would date Eddie?

100%. It's the smart play.

Huh. This is starting to make a lot of sense now.

Hey! Where are you going?

That's exactly what I'm asking myself.

I need to be with someone who wants what I want.

I totally do. Just explain again what it is,

- and I'll want it. - You can't do it for me.

You've got to want it for yourself.

Then I'll want it for myself, if that's what you want.

Eddie, I'm not going to let you hold me back.

I think we should take a break.

For how long?

I guess... for always?

The smart, mature choice

would be to face facts now and end this.

I'm sorry.

Perfect time to make your move.

I did it.

I wrote it all down in a letter to Wendi.

A letter plays to your strengths.

People like you more when you're not in the room.

Oh, totally!

Plus, I'd get nervous if I had to pour my heart out

- like this in person. - Sounds juicy.

"Dear Wendi, Statistics show college graduates earn

on average 52% more than their non-college counterparts."

- You don't mess around, do you? - There's more. Keep reading.

"And as a fellow honors student... "

Enough with the brainy stuff.

- Talk about your bod. - You think?

And don't forget your other accomplishments...

don't you know how to use nunchucks?

Plus I just got an award for penmanship.

She's got eyes. She'll see that for herself.

Hey, Mom. Mom.

We decided we want to camp out in the yard tonight.

Oh, a do-it-yourself vacation.

I like the resourcefulness,

and the price tag.

Fine, but I want somebody keeping an eye on you.

Other than the weird guy who lives in the apartment building.

I'm the oldest. I'll keep everyone safe.

In that case, take this.

Coming, Andy!

Oh, Hells bells,

is Weepy Magee still milking that breakup?

It was only 20 minutes ago.

And what's this gonna do to my friendship with Wendi, huh?

Did Eddie even think about that

before he went and got himself dumped?

Does that kid ever think about anything?

You should probably go talk to him.

Please Peg, don't make me go back in there.

Eddie needs someone to tell him he's a great guy

and he'll find another girl just as good as Wendi.

He'll never believe it coming from me.

"So allow me to close with a few bullet points."

"Future earning potential, check.

16-inch vertical leap, check.

I hope you will give this romantic overture

serious consideration and respond in the affirmative.

Best regards, Francis X. Cleary."

Really?

I almost feel sorry for her.

Don't overthink this. Go mail that letter now,

then just wait for the love to come pouring back.

If I hurry, I can make the last pickup.

- I can't thank you enough. - Seeing how this plays out

will be all the thanks I need.

How ya doing, sport?

So bad!

I just keep thinking about...

I just keep thinking about that Dodger game last night, huh?

Manny Mota, he sure came through.

He always comes off the bench pretty hot.

Wendi always says...

Let me tell you a little story.

During the war, there was a certain "mademoiselle"

outside of Paris named Sandrine who I was very sweet on.

But she threw me aside

for this fast-talking hilljack from West Virginia.

I'd like to bump into that clown some day.

Is that it?

My point is, there's other fish in the sea.

So you just got to get back on that horse and...

... and fish.

Sutton's pitching tomorrow.

What time are you done with the garbage?

Oh, I couldn't work tomorrow.

- I'm calling in sick. - Whoa, whoa, no, no.

I had to pull some strings with Stan Borson at City Services

to get you in there, and now I got to go look at his boat.

- But Dad! - You slobber into your pillow

for another 12 hours, and at 6:00 a.m., it's trash time.

I'll put you down as a maybe for the Dodger game.

I'm stoked about you fellas camping out here tonight,

communing with nature.

Do you think the coyotes will kill us in our sleep?

You'll be out here under the protection of Hutash,

the Great Spirit Mother of the Chumash Indians.

Let us never forget that we stole this land from them.

How can we forget?

You ruin every Thanksgiving with that bummer story.

There he is!

- Did you send it? - Wait, what's going on?

I mailed a letter to Wendi pleading my case

as to why she should be my girlfriend.

Joey'll tell you.

Joey put you up to this?

- Oh, no. - You're kidding?

I'm like two and I know that was dumb.

Oh...

Oh, I should've known you were being too nice.

Stupid, stupid, Frank!

My one regret is I didn't make a copy of that primo letter,

but I have whole chunks committed to memory.

I'll be doing a reading at 7:00 p.m.

in the tree house tonight, with light snacks.

Oh. I can fix this.

I'll get the letter back!

Whatever Frank's plan was,

he was likely to only make things worse,