Extended Family

Jim, I have brought your children

back home safe and sound.

Excellent. I hope everybody's hungry.

I have a homemade lasagna,

straight from the Stop & Shop freezer section.

Dad, I know I've been away all day,

but can I go to Cody's?

There's a "Fortnite" tourney.

Plus, Cody's mom makes food that was never frozen.

Sure. Have fun.

Dad, I know that you went through a lot of trouble

to make the money that bought that lasagna,

but Katie invited me for a sleepover.

It was great spending a quality 35 seconds

with both of you today.

Dad, I hope you're hungry.

Thanks, Jim, but I got a date with Rose tonight.

We're gonna Netflix and chill.

You know that means have sex?

I do.

I was trying to be discreet.

Well, there's no need for this to go to waste.

If you wanna take some to Rose, you can.

Yes!

Rose can't call me cheap anymore.

Can you spare a bottle of wine?

Sure. Take one of those.

Thanks.

I should probably grab one for Rose too.

Always thinking of others.

So, uh, you and Rose are getting serious?

As of last night, we've made love six and a half times.

That really amazes me to hear a fraction.

Too bad you don't have a date lined up for tonight, Jim.

You know, it's never been easier.

I'm on seven different dating apps now.

Does Rose know that?

She's on nine.

At our age, you gotta have a deep bench.

Well, those dating apps.

I-I like meeting women out in the wild.

You know, everybody on dating apps is looking for a date.

I wanna meet someone who's not looking for a date,

but who finds one anyway.

I'm not just saying this because I'm your father.

Somebody out there would be lucky to settle for you.

Kids, let's go!

Enjoy your sleepovers, everyone.

Oh.

You know I will.

Tonight, we're gonna try to go from six and a half

to seven.

You wanna know how?

I desperately, desperately do not.

Chilly in here, huh?

Oh, I know.

I just saw a family of four hugging a rotisserie chicken

to stay warm.

I like those prAna pants.

Do you do yoga?

I do not do yoga.

And I had no idea they were yoga pants.

I got them from Julia, and I wear them

because they are deliciously buttery soft.

Look, I don't want to lie to this woman,

but on the other hand, I feel like, you know,

I might have a little nibble on the line here,

and I don't wanna scare off the fish--

which I realize is an outdated metaphor,

reducing a human being to something

that can be, essentially, hunted with a worm.

But since I've already used it,

I got a live one.

Uh...

Do I do yoga?

Seems like everyone's doing yoga now.

Not a lie. I repeated a question

and stated a fact.

It's nice to run into a yogi

in the barren wasteland of frozen food.

I keep telling myself I should remain in produce,

but oh, these chicken pot pies.

Oh, you have--cheers.

You ever go to the Blissful Elephant studio?

No, but, uh, I've definitely heard about it.

Also not a lie.

She just said it, and I just heard it.

Where do you practice?

Giggling Goat. Yoga Hut.

I know-- you're a Dancing Shiva dude.

That--that is a great guess.

I assume.

What's your favorite class over there?

Ah, I really can't say.

And I really couldn't say

because I had no idea what I was talking about.

Who's your favorite teacher?

Mm, names.

Oh, God, I'm so bad with names.

Um...

names are--are just clothing for the soul.

That's deep. You sound like a true yogi.

Thank you.

Uh, my Western name is Jim.

But my soul will answer to anything

delivered with kindness.

Oh.

Kristen.

Oh.

It was nice to--

If you ever wanna try Blissful Elephant,

I'm there Sundays at 9:00 a.m.

Oh, all right. 9:00 a.m. Sunday.

You know, I'm-- I'll start stretching now.

Great. I-I--

I don't wanna sound too woo-woo,

but this class has really changed

my conversation with the world.

You know, that is not woo-woo.

That's--that's wahoo.

You know, me and the world, we can talk all night.

You know, yap, yap, yap. No, you go, world.

No, you go, Jim.

You're hysterical, Jim. No you, world!

Ha ha!

I-I really hope I see you at the Elephant on Sunday.

Maybe I'll bring my friend, the world.

Okay.

Kearney got a bite.

Should I call 911?

Yeah, and tell them you entered without knocking.

Sorry, I left my license on the dresser.

Are you doing yoga?

I am.

Turns out I have a gift for the stretchy art.

- What's her name? - Kristen.

We were flirting at NutriNook.

So I'm gonna meet her for yoga on Sunday

at the Blissful Elephant at 9:00 a.m.

Unreal.

For years, I tried to get you to do yoga,

and you chose watching baseball,

golf, and napping every time.

The couch is an ever-beckoning mistress.

And the TV is her trampy best friend.

And I don't recall you ever asking me to do yoga.

Oh.

I have proof.

Proof? Were you wearing a wire?

Ha!

Remember this book?

"Hold Me Close: A Marital Guide to Reignite Passion"?

Definitely not.

The book encouraged us to make a list of some things

you wish your spouse would do to restore

the bonds of your marriage.

Wait, you actually did that?

Yes!

Uh...

okay, here it is.

Number 26: "I wish Jim did yoga with me."

So you're saying that if I had done yoga back then,

I'd be prepared for this date?

Kristen's gonna know that

I've never done yoga before, isn't she?

I'm sure she's not expecting you

to be some great yogi.

Well, she may have gotten the impression

that I was a yogi.

How?

From me giving her the impression I was a yogi.

I got excited 'cause it seemed like she was liking me,

and I just wanted things to keep going in the direction

of her liking me because that's not a bad direction

for my life to head in.

I mean, one day the kids will leave the nest,

and you and Trey will be off on some superyacht somewhere,

and Dad and Rose will be in an assisted living facility,

fractioning one another's brains out.

And I just wanna meet somebody before my sex life

starts measuring in halves.

Jim, you are gonna meet someone.

You are wildly likeable.

Yeah, except when I'm doing yoga.

You are naturally flexible. It's true.

- I know, right? - Mm-hmm.

But I--I just don't know how to yoga.

I mean, she's gonna know that I'm a fraud, unless--

What?

Well, remember how you used to want me

to do yoga with you?

I mean, like, so much that you wrote down

a wish list with it?

Well, Julia, I'm gonna make wish number 26 come true.

You want me to come to yoga with you

and be your yoga whisperer?

Oh, my God, what a great idea!

And Jim was like, I don't remember

you asking me to do yoga.

So I showed him proof.