Joey

Okay, Joey, ready for your big stunt?

I'm ready! I'm psyched!

Let's go over this one more time. Boone is gonna lunge at you with a knife.

You dodge left, knock his arm right, punch him in the chin, flip him to the ground.

- Got all that? - I got it. Let's do this!

Okay, everybody. Let's go from the top.

Hey, you're the Makeup lady.

Are we still on for tonight?

- Hey, here you go, buddy. - Thanks.

- All right. Thanks for the ride, Mike. - Yeah.

I'm gonna hang out here until they start serving breakfast.

- I bought you breakfast on the way. - And I said thank you. Let it go.

Damn it, here comes that script-supervisor lady.

She is constantly up my butt making sure I get every line perfect.

Hate her.

She is kind of funny, though.

She had this really good joke the other day. It was something about you being stupid.

Yeah, that was pretty funny.

There you are.

It's time to play a little game I like to call "How Many Lines Does Joey Know?"

Why don't you go bother someone else? I know the next scene word for word.

Really? Let's hear it. What's your first line?

Okay, fine.

- L... - We.

- Have... Someone... - Had.

- Something. - Something...

We had something good... No, great.

- I mean... - Wonderful.

Wonderful. We had something wonderful until Valentine's Day.

Christmas?

Easter? What is it?

We had something wonderful until the day they kidnapped...

our son. Yeah, I got it.

I got it. Okay, so I forget a few words.

Cut me some slack, Ally.

- Abby. - Whatever.

Hey, Joey. How'd you get here before me?

I'm not Joey, I'm Chuck. I'm his stuntman.

Hey, I'm Zach. I'm handling Craft Services.

Listen, whatever you do, stay away from the roast beef.

- Oh, why, is it bad? - No, I like it.

Hey, Zach.

Hey, we're wearing the same...

- Did I get fired already? - No, no.

No, no. Joey. I'm Chuck. I'm your stuntman.

Hey, just so you know, I wanted to do my own stunts...

...but they didn't wanna damage the merchandise, you know.

No, no. It's because you beat up the Makeup lady.

Trying to look cool in front of my stuntman.

Anyway, you know, we got that big fight scene coming up later.

Do you mind if I see how you take a punch?

- Yeah, sure. - All right.

Hey, wait. I know what would be better.

If he saw you take a punch. That way he could react like you.

That's a great idea. All right, hit me, Chuck.

- Hit him. - Lay one in there, yep.

Okay.

Oh, you broke my tummy.

You got that, tough guy?

Hey, listen, Joey. So would it be cool if I shadowed you for a while?

Get to learn your moves and your mannerisms.

Absolutely, you know, you should follow me around in my everyday life too, you know.

You can see how I eat, how I walk, how I dance.

Hey, yeah, all right.

If you're waiting for an invitation, it ain't gonna happen.

Because we're dancing, and we're dancing. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Hey. So, Joey, Bobbie got a call today from US Magazine .

They're running a picture of you with a lady. They would like a quote...

...about the nature of your relationship. - Sexual.

Every magazine I pick up there's a picture of you...

...with some floozy spilling out of her blouse.

- Actually, Alex, you're wearing a sweater. - Oh, I'm the floozy?

It's a picture of you two outside of the grocery store.

Apparently, they think you're a couple.

That is so funny that they think that because I never even thought about that.

Not even one time.

So like I said, they'd like a quote about the nature of the relationship.

I wonder what we should say?

How about, in keeping with the grocery theme, "He bagged her once"?

- No, I do not want people reading that. - Okay, well, what do you want it to say?

I mean, I'm fine with anything. What do you want our relationship to be?

I think... I guess I would have to think about that.

Okay. Think about it and tell Gina.

Say whatever you want. It's your 15 minutes of fame.

- Okay. - I wonder if they'll call us "Bennifer. "

Why would they do that? Our names are not Ben and Jennifer.

Oh, that's what that means.

God.

Hey.

Where you going?

I have a date. I'm going on a hike in the canyons with a girl.

Yeah. Oh, hey, is it the big girl from apartment 12?

It's actually someone I met on your set today.

All right. Is it the big girl from the Prop Dep...?

It's not a big girl!

Hello, Joey.

You don't have to bother me at home. I'll have my lines memorized.

- What are you doing? That's my date. - Wha...? Ally?

- Abby. - Don't you start.

- What? - No, you can't go out with her.

She is evil. How did this happen?

Ran into her outside your trailer, we talked, I asked her out.

Do you see what she's doing?

It's not enough to make me miserable at work, so she meets my nephew...

...sees an opportunity to worm her way into my home and attack me from the inside.

Or she just thinks I'm cool.

- Let's not make up crazy explanations. - Oh, get out of the way.

Hey, Gina. I'm freaking out about this US Magazine thing.

- Is Joey here? - No, he's upstairs with his stuntman.

They've been breaking fake bottles over each other's heads all day.

I don't know what to say about our relationship.

If I say anything about romance, then he's gonna think that I have feelings for him.

Then again, if I say we're just friends...

...we're gonna be permanently labeled as buddies.

And maybe I want him to think of us as something more than that.

Maybe I should just say "gal pal. " Oh, no, "kissy friend. " Oh, "buddy date"?

Alex, is that you?

No, Joey, it's just me down here.

I'm coming down the stairs. Tell me if I look like me.

All right, Chuck, come on, get up. We still got some work to do. Here, sit down.

All right, now, when Joey falls, okay, he doesn't put his hands out...

...he lands on his head, okay? With a solid:

But you can't do that, you'll bust your head open.

No, no, no.

You're protected by your brain.

Okay. So you want me to fall down the stairs again?

Is it okay I'm having you do stunts after hours? I don't wanna cross a line.

Joey, you're the star of the movie, okay? I'm here to serve you.

- I'll tell you if you cross the line. - Okay, great.

- Hey, is that your thing over there? - What's that?

- You didn't see that one coming, did you? - That was a good one.

That restaurant was great.

We should get some of that quinoa and just make it ourselves.

Oh, that's so cute. It's quinoa.

I love that you correct me.

Oh, stop. If you kiss Abby, I am gonna vomit.

- Oh, hey, Abby, didn't see you there. - Hey, Joey. I'm surprised...

...you're not with some skanky extra you manipulated into sleeping with you.

Well, I'm not, because she left an hour ago.

- I'm gonna use your restroom. - It's just to the left, there.

- What are you doing? - Defending myself.

I really like Abby, and I'd appreciate it if you made an effort to be nice to her.

- But, M... - This is important.

I'm gonna go to Alex's to see if she has any wine.

Just talk to her for a minute, okay? For me?

All right.

All right, look, we both care about Michael...

...all right, so I guess we owe it to him...

...to at least try and have a civilized conversation.

Fair enough.

What do you wanna talk about?

- Current events? - No.

Art?

- Poetry? - Okay.

I wrote a poem once.

There once was a man named Blenis ...

Oh, dear God!

Okay. How do you like working on the movie?

It's okay. You should try it sometime.

- What's your problem with me? - Basically, you're everything I hate.

You're lazy, entitled, mindless, and you just think...

...you're gonna slide through life on good looks and charm.