The Stay

Yeah, man, everything is measured, cut, marked.

Just needs to be mounted.

Right, you can take it from here?

You're hopeless, man.

No, no, it's cool, I got it.

I will just come back after the trip

and take care of it, finish it up.

Yeah.

No, no, no, we know about you and power tools, bud.

No, I got it.

Jeez. Yeah, I know.

Sure.

Right. Oh my God, man.

So, did you use this thing to cut a cake

or to skin a bear?

This big-ass knife you got in this box

marked "wedding stuff."

Really?

I don't remember it being this big.

I was really drunk, though.

Right, yeah, I set myself up for that one.

Okay.

Yeah, no, I got it.

I'm just gonna lock up.

I'm gonna drink some of your beer,

eat some of your food,

that way I can avoid Misha's cooking.

Yeah, it's that bad.

Right. Yeah, okay, well, hurry your ass up.

Let's get on the road.

Fucking kidding me!

What was that?

Jim and Neil's dog came over to our property again.

Oreo? He's harmless.

Yeah, well, he comes over to the yard

and he pisses all over my stuff.

I had a million-dollar job on Avolencia last week

and all my gear smelled like dog piss.

I told Jim if he did it again,

I was gonna toss him back over.

Don't tell me that you threw Oreo over the fence.

I didn't throw him over the fence, jeez.

I picked him up, I set him down

over the shortest portion of the fence.

He squirmed out of my arms at the last minute.

Threw him over the fence?

Jesus Christ.

You love to blow shit out of proportion, you know that?

If that was your precious garden, though,

- oh, man... - You know what?

Let's not do this right now.

They're gonna be here any minute.

Fine.

Have you been reading these?

Yeah.

- Really? - Yeah.

Wow.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in here like this

and acting all crazy.

I just...

I mean, this is amazing.

Look, I promise you, I'm gonna make the best father.

And this kid, he's gonna be an all-American

by his freshman year of college.

Or she, she will be an all-American.

No, I don't know.

What don't you know?

This could be a game changer for us.

Hayden, a baby doesn't fix a marriage.

A baby isn't magic.

Sometimes it makes things worse.

Let's just talk about this when we get back,

and we need to get ready.

They're gonna be here any minute, come on.

We have to go.

I got it, I got it.

You guys should take in this fresh air.

I'm comin'. Comin'.

Yeah, man, not bad.

Not bad.

I'm so relieved, it's...

It's pretty good.

You doubted me?

You don't think I can put together

a kick-ass weekend?

Well, now that we're rewriting history,

we'll just forget that vacation from two years ago.

Yeah, let's definitely forget about that one.

Wait, I didn't hear any of you guys complaining

when you all got a full refund, so...

Well, it really is beautiful out here.

- It actually is. - Yeah, it is.

It's quiet.

All right, so is there a bellhop

or we got to get these bags ourselves?

Oh my God.

- What? - Look.

Oh my God, you guys, he's not moving.

Who's not... what?

- Hold on. - Stay here.

What?

Hey, man, you okay?

I don't think he's breathing, man.

Oh! Ah!

Oh, Jesus!

That's the point, though, you never know.

Never know what?

Never know when the element of surprise might, uh,

surprise ya.

Is everything okay?

Ooh, son.

One of you guys dealing drugs

or a hip-hop guy or something?

Yeah, I like me a practical ride,

but that's a gas guzzler right there.

Whatever tickles your pickle, though, am I right?

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Bo-Lee.

I live down on the property.

I'll be your concierge for the weekend.

I'm Misha, and this is Nora.

Ah, pleasure.

Bo-Lee.

I like that.

Yep, Bo hyphen Lee.

It's a family name.

Bo, Hayden.

I'm the one who booked the place.

Yeah, it's Bo-Lee.

That's my buddy, Chris.

And it looks like you already met the wives.

Mm-hm.

You boys are gonna have yourselves

a damn fine time this weekend, huh?

Okay.

As the song goes, follow the leader.

You know, say, man,

seeing you on the ground like that,

we thought you were dead.

Maybe I was.

Nah, helps my spine.

Old back injury.

Yeah, my chiropractor says the same thing.

Lay on the lumpy ground with some gravel.

It does wonders for your back.

Watch your step.

You coming, Nora?

Great job.

Thank you.

All right.

So we got, uh, we got an L shape.

There's a bedroom down that way.

There's two more down there.

Each got their own bathroom,

you know, a commode and everything.

Given there's two pair of ya, it might be a good idea

to sleep on opposite ends of the house anyway,

know what I mean?

That's the living room over there.

Fireplace, feel free to use.

Woo!

Uh, kitchen, got a kitchen,

uh, table, chairs.

Go out this door here,

there's like a courtyard and whatnot.

You got lots of land here, a barn, stables down there.

You got the run of the property,

you know, except, uh, except those trailers.

That's where I stay.

Mm. People always ask, uh,

they're asking about internet and cable TV.

No, sir.

I got some DVDs you can borrow if you like.

If you need to get on the web,

there's a coffee place down in town,

and there's a bar across from the Payless.

I go down there to watch the kung fu fights.

They got good cable.

No, we're just here to unplug for the weekend anyway.

And I'm sure my wife, for one weekend,

can be off of Facebook.

No one is on Facebook under the age of 60, dear,

but I will need to get on Insta.

Is that the site where dudes go to find other dudes?

No! No.

It's Instagram.

Maybe you and me, we can hike into town this weekend.

We can, you know, find some shops

and find a little Wi-Fi.

- Yeah. - Gee, I don't know.

That's a hell of a walk, like 12 miles.

I can see you ladies like to get sweaty.

Okay.

Uh, got some keys here for ya.

I'll leave these here.

Can't figure something out, just give me a holler, knock,

come on in, I don't care.

I like to walk around all-natural.

That means no clothes on.