Bud Abbott and Lou Costello Meet Frankenstein

Operator, haven't you been able to get me the express office

at Islamorada, Florida yet?

Yes, I know it takes time to call from London to the States.

But please hurry. It's terribly important!

Answer that phone.

Answer the bell!

Answer the phone!

Which do you want me to answer first? Both of 'em.

Both of 'em. Both of 'em!

Hold the line, please. Thank you.

I'd like to have my grip, please. Yes, ma'am.

Let me see that. Well, they came in on the last train.

We haven't unloaded the truck yet. Go out and get the lady's grip.

Hurry up.

Excuse me... Excuse me, please.

Lady, here's your bag.

What are you trying to do, ruin the lady's baggage?

Where is it? This one.

There you are, Madam. I'm sorry. Thank you.

Now come on, clean this all up. Come on, straighten it out.

Wilbur, darling, are you all right?

Sandra, I hurt my poor little head.

Your head?

Oh, no.

Does this hurt? Uh-uh.

Does that hurt? Uh-uh.

Thank heaven.

If anything happened to you, dearest, I'd never forgive myself.

That kiss made everything all better.

You worry about me an awful lot, don't you?

You mean an awful lot to me.

Tell me more.

I will. At dinner tonight.

Okay.

Come on, get up out of there and go to work!

That is, if your head doesn't bother you too much.

His head is all right. It is, eh? But is your head all right?

Certainly. Frankly, I don't get it.

And frankly, you never will.

I can't understand that dame.

Of all the guys around here, that classy dish has to pick out a guy like you.

What's wrong with that? Go look at yourself in the mirror sometime.

Why should I hurt my own feelings?

Go answer the phone. Go ahead, I'll pick these up.

Baggage room.

London? Calling here?

This ain't collect, is it?

Oh, all right. Put him on.

Hello? Do you have two crates addressed to the McDougal House of Horrors?

What's the number on the checks? Never mind that.

Tonight, the moon will be full here. I haven't much time.

Now, listen closely. I'm flying out of here at dawn.

Under no circumstances are you to deliver those crates until I arrive.

Understand? Under...

Mr. McDougal, will you stop gargling your throat?

Hey, you'll have to get your dog away from the phone.

I can't hear a word you're sayin'.

You're awful silly to call me all the way from London,

just to have your dog talk to me.

That's great conversation. The guy growls like a wolf.

The nerve of some people!

Well, what can I do for you, bub? I'm in a hurry.

I have two crates here addressed to my House of Horrors,

and I want immediate delivery. My name's McDougal.

McDougal? But, I just talked to you on the telephone from London.

How'd you get here so fast? They shoot you out of a cannon?

Are you crazy? I've been here all the time.

Now, get me those crates!

How long you been here? Five minutes.

What are you beefing about? I've been here five years,

you don't see me going around like that and yelling...

There's the insurance slip and there's the bill of lading.

Now get me those crates!

Look, will you please stop yellin'?

Come here. You know, it's impolite to raise your voice.

Oh, Chick!

Why didn't you give me these in the first place?

Chi... Chick, this man wants these crates.

Hmm. Insured for $20,000. We'd better look these up.

Must be valuable. I'll say they're valuable.

Wilbur? Yes, Sandra?

He's busy, he's busy. Please.

That little fellow's impossible. Hurry up with those crates!

Do you know what I've got in there, miss? Haven't the slightest idea.

Just the greatest attraction the House of Horrors ever had, that's all.

One of them's a coffin containing the remains of the original Count Dracula.

And the other's the body of the Frankenstein Monster.

Guess that combination's enough to scare the pants...

I mean, shirt right off your back, ain't it?

I don't scare easily. Neither do I, where money's concerned.

I got 'em dirt cheap. European agent picked my name right out of thin air.

Very interesting. Yeah.

Mr. McDougal.

Hey, Chick, here's one.

Darling... Yeah?

Darling, I have to run along. Something's come up.

That means we'll have to break our date tonight.

It ain't another man, is it? Of course not.

Silly boy. Oh, yeah.

Boy, I'm floatin' on a cloud of love.

Listen, you little blimp,

I'll let the air out of you in a minute, if you don't give me a hand.

You understand that? Thank you.

Boy, is this kid lost.

Come here. Take that rope and get up on top that box,

and tie it to that handle up there.

Okay. Nothing matters no more.

I'm so happy. Go on, get up there!

Here it is.

Hold still now.

Oh!

Chick!

Stop him! Is he trying to ruin me?

Keep your shirt on. You're insured.

Yes, and if those exhibits are damaged, I intend to collect.

Well, there you are. Shall I wrap it up? No, you idiot.

You're gonna take those down to my House of Horrors and uncrate them.

Because if that's the way you handle baggage,

I'm going to have the insurance agent there to inspect them

before I accept delivery.

Well, then it's gonna cost you overtime because I'm a union man.

And I work only 16 hours a day.

A union man only works eight hours a day.

I belong to two unions!

Get those down to my place! All right.

Hey, Wilbur, here's a key. Open the door.

I'm not gonna like this. Come on, gimme a hand.

Come on, get it inside.

Well, pull it! You want me to do all the work?

Come on, help me with it, will ya?

Oh...

What's the matter now?

Somebody's got a knife in my back. Oh, nonsense!

Where's the switch? Here.

Sandra should see you now.

Turn around. Look what you're afraid of.

Turn around!

Come on, get up on your feet. It's only a dummy.

Dummy nothin'. It was smart enough to scare me.

Come on, get a hold of the box. Go ahead.

All right, come on, swing it around.

Well, help a little bit!

Oh, oh!

Come on, you fraidy-cat. These things can't harm ya.

They're made out of wax.

You know, people pay McDougal cash to come in here and get scared?

I'm cheatin' him. I'm gettin' scared for nothin'.

Go ahead and push, now. Don't knock anything over.

There we are. Now, we get the dolly out from underneath there.

Lift up that end. Lift it up!

Come on, come on.

There you are.

Well, put it down, put it down. Do I have to do all the work?

I'll get it down. Well, put it down.

Go ahead. Now, open it up.

I'm going out and get the other crate. And no back talk!

I've got just two words to say to you. What is that?

Hurry back.

Hello? Yes, Mr. McDougal.

Yeah, the crates are here. Wilbur's opening one right now.

Everything's all right.

Okay, Mr. McDougal. Goodbye.

Chick? Oh, Chick!

What's the matter? What's the matter?

Did you turn out the light? Certainly not.

They're out. So what?

Maybe the lightning struck the power line or something.

I get in more messes around here...

Never mind, take off that canvas.

Take it off? Take it off!

Hey, a coffin! Coffin.

The Dracula crest. Dracula's crest.

I wonder if Mr. McDougal expects people to think that Dracula's really in there.

No, don't. Please don't.

Oh, now come, come, come. Dracula was just a legendary character.

He never existed. No?

Certainly not.

Fold up this canvas. I'm going out and get the other crate.

If you want me, just holler. Holler, "Oh, Chick!" You understand?

Oh, Chick! What do you want?

What kept you? I haven't left yet.

The next time, don't take so long.

Come on. Fold this up. Get busy.

"Count Dracula sleeps in this coffin, but rises every night at sunset."

Chick is right. This is awful silly stuff.

"Dracula..."

Chick! Chick!

What's the matter now? You know that person you said that

there's no such person? Yes?

I think he's in there, in person.

I was reading this sign over here, this one down here, "Dracula's Legend."

All of a sudden I heard...

That's the wind. It should get oiled.

Listen, stop reading this thing.

That's a lot of phony baloney to fool McDougal's customers.

Now, fold up that canvas. Get busy. Come on.

"Dracula can change himself at will into a vampire bat,