Every Which Way But Loose

Son of a bitch.

Anyway, the cop is sitting there, sipping his coffee, you see?

And he's scratching his head. He's completely confused by now.

- He says to the drunk... - How's it going, Philo?

..."What about the guy in bed with your wife?"

And the drunk says, "The hell with him. Let him make his own coffee."

You get it? "Let him make his own coffee."

Excuse me.

That's funny, but don't give up your day job.

Come on, Big Al.

Let's have some fun. You want to go some place?

- Hey, Big Al. Are you married? - I used to be.

I know this place in the valley. We could go get a couple drinks.

Lots of action there. Great fun. What do you say?

Hey. Put them back.

- You talking to me? - This ain't the Salvation Army.

Put them back.

I got plenty of peanuts, Big Al.

- You mean these? - Yeah, asshole.

- Unless you're taking them to your tree. - Shit. Excuse me, gents.

The squirrel is taking his peanuts up to his tree.

The squirrel is ripping off peanuts, ain't you, squirrel?

Going to take them up to your tree?

All right.

- Come on, guys. Knock it off. - Get him!

Attaboy!

- Come on, get out of here, you guys. - Get him.

Outside. Come on, guys.

Outside!

Hey, Orville, what's doing?

Ma's going to try it again.

I should have remembered my wig.

You think it'll make any difference?

I don't know, Ma.

I don't expect that's all they're going to be looking at.

Don't be in such a fired, big hurry.

I want to look at these pictures one time more.

I always did have trouble with these squiggly lines.

I hope you pass it this time, Ma, because there ain't too many more...

...of these places we can go to. They all know you.

They don't know how I drive. Don't none of them know how good I drive.

Been driving since before them sons of bitches were born.

Come on, get out.

Here.

You're getting pretty tricky, Clyde.

You've done real good, Ma.

Meathead.

Waited till I passed the whole test before he tells me I'm too old.

I should have remembered my wig.

The hell with everybody. Come on, get going, for God's sake.

- Philo, are you out here? - No, I ain't.

What are you doing? Are you working on the car?

Orville, that's two dumb questions in a row you've asked me.

Here.

Help me put that block under the car here.

- This one here? - Yeah.

You want it under the wheel or under the spring?

Under the spring.

There you go.

- Thanks. - Sure.

Ma's pissed. It's Clyde.

He got out this morning, came over, and shit all over everything.

How did she get him back?

That's what she's pissed about. She had to bribe him with all her Oreos.

Well, I'll make it up to her.

- You got one going tomorrow? - Yeah, you coming?

Sure am.

Who wants some action around here?

- There you go, my man. What's the name? - $40.

- Name? - John Hatfield.

I got you, my man. Thank you. Who else?

How much you want? Quick, talk to me, my man.

- Give me $80. - $80. Let me see that.

- Name? - Jackson.

All right, listen, I've got $100. Who wants to make a side-bet, here?

Come on, guys. Talk up!

He may be good, but he ain't no Tank Murdock.

Take it.

- We won't have anything... - Take it.

You're on.

- Who's gonna hold this? - You hold it.

No problem, you're fine.

Church, let's go, man.

You got him.

- Come up here, Clyde. There you go. - Put this bum away!

Don't waste any time on the guy, just put him away.

Put him away now, Church!

Put him away.

Thank you. $5, $100 and $200...

...$500, $600, $900 ...

Clyde could have beat him.

I kind of like this.

That one's a redhead.

- I'll take the one on the left. - All right.

The one stuffing her face with chowder.

Let's go over there and see what she's drinking.

Hi.

My name's Philo. Do you mind if I sit here for a while?

Suit yourself.

I don't recall seeing you around here.

I've never been here before.

Where do you go when you're not here?

My name is Carol. I go to USC. I major in sociology.

I'm here because I'm doing a paper on the country-western mentality.

Well, that just blew five minutes of our conversation.

Well, you asked if you could sit. You didn't say nothing about talking.

Who are you mad at?

- I don't suppose you have a light, do you? - No, I don't smoke.

Excuse me.

Orville.

Tell me, just what is the country-western mentality?

Well, if the lyrics of this song are any indication...

...it's somewhere between moron and dull-normal.

Oh, my ... Jesus Christ.

You are disgusting.

Let's leave. Go.

What happened?

This wild clam got out of control. Take it.

Did you see her face?

You could've put a turd in there and she couldn't gotten a better look on her.

Thank you so much.

Now, would you all put your hands together and keep the applause going?

Let's all give a big, big Palomino welcome...

... to pretty Miss Lynn Halsey...

... Taylor.

Thank you. Okay. Ready, boys?

Let's get out of here.

I want to watch this chick for a minute.

That's awful nice. Lynn Halsey...

... Taylor. You can come back anytime, honey.

Excuse me. Could I put this back there for a while?

- Sure can. - Thank you.

- You sure sing pretty. - Well, thank you.

I'd really be pleased if I could buy you a drink.

Sure.

- I'd like a beer. - Two of those.

I didn't get your name in the introduction. My name's Philo Beddoe.

Lynn Halsey-Taylor. Did you have a fight with your girlfriend?

- She sure ran out pretty fast. - Oh, her. I hardly knew her a minute.

A minute?

Well, you must go through a lot of women like that.

- That was a nice song. Did you write that? - No. Wish I did.

Just a song my daddy used to sing to me when I was little.

When you were little? That's where I know you from.

When I was in third grade I knew a girl that looked enough like you...

...it makes my memory water.

You sure do talk funny.

Kind of smoky in here.

- Would you like to... - I'd love to.

Say, it's kind of smoky in here.

So, I decided there was nothing I liked doing better than singing.

- So, here I am. - Am I glad.

Row 3. That's my lucky number.

I'll tell you what:

You're my lucky number.

Would you like to...

...have me in for a while, maybe?

I'd love to.

- Only... - Only?

- Only my boyfriend, Schyler, is sleeping. - Boyfriend?

- He wouldn't mind. - He wouldn't?

So long as you don't drive his car.

Well, I think maybe we could make it some other time when he ain't around.

Okay. Whatever you say.

Slightly advanced.

Look, man, it's an ape!

Yeah. Which one's the ape?

- What did you say? - That looks your girlfriend.

Hey, buddy. Are you taking your mother for a ride?

- Take that up there, baby. - Hey.

- So long, apeshit. - Son of a bitch.

What the hell's this?

We'll get them, right, boy?

Clyde, get your hands off the wheel.

- Let's get the hell out of here. He's crazy. - Follow me.

- Hey, why did you come in here? - He'll never find us in here.

Get those things out of here.

Roll up your window.

Shit!

Get them out of here. Freaks!

Hey, man, what in the hell is going on?

- Do you think we ought to stop and fight? - Nope.

Let's catch that train.

Take it easy.

It's a monkey.

Crazy monkey!

Are you okay? Thanks, Clyde.

If you don't like him, how come you stay with him?

Because he promised to help me get the $7,000.

"Best I can"

- For what? - "It's hard for me to say no

"to a truck drivin' man"

For the down payment.

- What do you want to buy? - "Cadillac that I still don't have the time

"Keep the fool who wants to marry me dangling on my line"

My own club back home in Denver.

I'm going to call it the Lynn Halsey-Taylor Drinking Fountain.

"Hard for me to say no to a truck driving man"

That will be the name of my group, too. I'll have talent night three nights a week.

How much of the $7,000 do you have already?