#Stuck

Damn.

Hey.

Hey.

Ouch.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, I...

I left my car at the bar, so...

Wow.

- Really? - Yeah.

Pretty sure I was in no position to drive.

Yeah, well, I'm...

a little fuzzy on that part myself.

Yeah.

Okay, I'll...

I'll take ya back there.

Or, you know, I could just call a cab if...

That's okay.

I'll take ya back there.

Thanks.

Kelly?

Kimberly.

Ready?

Hun?

Well, this is not ideal.

What do you think, man?

Fuck!

Cock suckin' motherfuckin' bullshit!

Don't be that guy.

No, I'm gonna be that guy.

You know what, buddy?

I got a poopy diaper in here and no wipes, all right?

Think I got it worse off.

Move!

I love you, honey, but if you would sleep home

one night instead of staying at his house,

you would be here helping me instead of me...

I did.

Okay, that sounds good.

Tonight?

Mom, he's on my side!

She's lying, I'm not touching.

I'm not touching!

Stop it!

You guys, cool down, you two, cool it.

Do not make me come back there.

I didn't even do anything.

Okay, please, honey, stop with the crying!

Stop picking on me!

You know what, if you guys can't sit still for 20 minutes,

I'm turning the car around.

That's what we're doing, I'm turning around.

We're not going.

Yeah, right.

We're not even going anywhere.

There's just millions of cars in our way.

You lost that one.

What the...

I need to...

Go ahead.

No, what were you saying?

I was just wonderin' what the hell was goin' on here.

Torture.

What are you doing?

Gettin' comfortable.

You can't do that.

What if we start to move?

We're not goin' anywhere.

But what if we start to?

Well, then I'll go!

I need to...

I just really need to not be here right now.

Yeah, well...

if you woulda snuck out like any decent one night stand,

we wouldn't be, right?

I can feel you staring, you know.

Sorry.

This is ridiculous.

Everyone's turning off their engines.

There better be a big wreck up there.

What did you just say?

What, if my time's being wasted,

I'd like it to be for a good reason.

Oh, you are kinda dark.

What, a little twisted up metal never hurt anyone.

No, I'm actually pretty sure that that is the exact

type of thing that hurts people.

It's just that there's nothing worse than

when traffic lifts for no reason.

Except for maybe, you know, wishing somebody

getting in a car accident.

There's that.

Is it so wrong to want a little evidence

to justify all this as opposed to,

"Oh, you're just freed up," and you don't even know why

you were stuck in the first place.

I'm sorry, but a giant fire would make it

at least worthwhile.

Okay.

There's gotta be a science behind traffic, right?

Don't ya think?

No, I don't.

I do, a lot, actually.

You know, it's like, none of that makes sense,

you know, like it kinda...

Kick off your shoes, it's gonna be awhile,

and talk to your neighbor, and please,

keep the road rage to a minimum, folks.

It's a fucking Sunday, people!

Heading north down to the south bound 406 double lane road.

Both directions, all the way up the highway

and down the interstate.

Turns out, sorry, there is no reason,

but, as soon as we hear...

It can't just be cause of some guy who slams

on his brakes to stare at some ducks,

or 'cause he spills a Slurpee on himself.

There's gotta be a mathematical equation

to all of this, right?

I think about guys who get into the carpool lane,

even though that's going slower than

the normal traffic.

Makes no sense.

Oh, my God, there better be a dead body up there,

because I just can't take this anymore.

Now, somebody has to die?

Yeah, they do, thanks to you.

Why don't we just go all the way and just say

somebody loses their head.

That'll be fun.

Put that out in the world.

Somebody gets decapitated, so it'll be worth your time.

There's something seriously wrong with you.

We have that in common.

It's true.

Totally true.

What's that?

Oh, you know, it's just easier

to have sex with a stranger than converse with one.

What?

You want me deep inside you?

I want you inside me so deep.

Yeah?

Oh.

Give it to me.

You give it to me.

Wait.

Don't you want me to give it to you?

Yeah, yeah, just put it in already.

Okay, okay.

Okay.

You like that?

You're screwing the blanket.

What?

Good try.

I can't feel anything with this thing on.

Okay, I told you you couldn't get it in.

I guess that is what she said.

Well, I guess they don't call it a one night stand

and the morning after for a reason, right?

What are you doing?

Fuck.

Do you need any help?

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Oh, man, that's nasty.

What is she doing?

You let that all out, honey.

Fuckin' bullshit!

You disappoint me.

You're better than that.

If it's any consolation, I have that affect

on all women.

You don't have to try to be charming or...

funny right now.

I'm perfectly fine.

Are you sure I can't do anything?

I'm fine!

Nothing came out by the way.

Just...