The Virgo, the Taurus and the Capricorn (La vergine, il toro e il capricorno)

THE VIRGO, THE TAURUS AND THE CAPRICORN

This is Gianni Ferreti, my husband. Sign, Capricorn.

Moderate temperament, commendable intelligence predisposition to beauty, so says the horoscope,

but I do not really believe that.

Professional architect, or rather, designer of blocks.

He exercices every morning to keep in shape.

Physical appearance has its importance for a true gentleman.

Fuck you and all your family!

Sometimes we happen to lose our temper...

He's angry because a block eho was built abusively will be demolished.

- I prepared ice-cream, sir. - Where is mandorlina?

Today I put Marena.

For steak, you need mandorline as well, says Toniazzi.

Leave, slave!

Every day, same hour, same dog.

Have you got the time?

This is me, Virgo, in astrological terms, of course.

The other is Teresa, the most snobish masseuse in Rome.

Getting to her is a social conquest.

I have the vague impression that Theresa only massages certain areas.

Who knows? I could be wrong. How are you, Teresa, slowing down?

- Is my method of buttocks massage. - Leave the buttocks and do the sides.

Gianni and I met at Porto Fino where I modeled bikinis.

"We met", like that I say.

When a Capricorn meets a Virgin it's less a meeting and more of a clash.

A month after the wedding, father Ferreti had a beautiful bankruptcy.

And like that, "Welcome to Rome" where Ferreti & Son started an intensive campaign.

Three blocks each 150 square feet.

You're not going to see your husband playing tennis?

He won the first set, and leads in the seconds 5-1.

I'd better not, you know Gianni. If he sees me he will show it's best ...

He'll force the serve and then it's all my fault.

Poor dear, your husband is beyond measure ...

Mine does not show me anything beyond measure. Not in tennis, nor in bed.

Why don't you come to my locker and I'll show you my racket?

No, thank you! My husband's racket is enough for me.

- You're lucky today... Horned luck. - You can't lose.

You horns will get you the Davis Cup and nobody's gonna take them.

What innuendo ! I hope you're not upset.

It's your fault. How could you win? Look what's here ... What belly ...

I'm not tall, but I have line ...

That's why I like my Gioia. There she is.

- Excuse me. I have to go. - My dear!

What are you doing? Leave her!

- You won again, my champion. - Yes. I didn't even feel the taste of the game.

- Wihe that dead guy... - Laugh, laugh...

Kisses...

- Tomorrow I break you... - You're very lucky ...

Life is beautiful.

Tennis scale 40. rackets, doubles. He wins everything.

- What luck ... - Gioia's is the most beautiful one in Rome.

I was speaking of Gianni. His woman is beautiful and she doesn't cheat on him.

True, I never did. Only once, after 5 months of marriage.

At least in appearance.

I went on vacation with some friends of Gianni's in the sanitary branch.

Why are we seeing these people?

Couldn't you invent an excuse?

Scapicolli! What name is that?

Yours is nicer. Migliavaca Gioia. You can't say no to a Scapicolli bathroom

A small industrialist and ...

Scapicolli is one who did everything himself. A self ... I ...

- Self Made Man. - I always fail to pronounce.

He's a little bit stupid, but has a lot of money. Has a wife with a ...

- What about his wife? - What wife?

- Scapicolli. - She speaks funny.

At last, Gianni. I thought you would'n come.

- You're Gioia. - Make acquaintance.

Gianni always talks about you.

Scapicolli! Charmed. At last. Congratulations!

You have a charming wife.

- Come! - We have a bag in the car.

The servents left yesterday, but there's no problem, Adelmo will take it.

- It's in the trunk. - Come!

She makes me laugh when she talks.

She's a country woman, but I need deductions on their bath vessels.

Are you interested in her husband's vessels or in her bottom ?

You saw the movie ... ?

- Full aces. - And here, four nines.

Again? You're a very, very lucky.

One is alright, baby ...

I'm unlucky at cards, but lucky in love.

How to win with such a beautiful thing near you?

- You're so nice. Kisses! - Kisses!

What are you doing here, Gioia? Don't mind them, they are boring.

Come with me. You may not know the teacher. He comes from America.

- How do you do? - Enchanted.

- You're here on business? - You knew that Scapicolli big industrialist?

- How do you say in Italian? - Sanitary installations.

- I understand. - Water closet.

I'm doing a study to launch in America the bidet. I'm making an ad campaign.

- What an idea! - We don't use the bidet in America.

- Interesting. - I already found a slogan.

For you, ladies ... "Appetizer of Love"!

Finesse for finesse, but why not have a digestive ?

- Do you want to drink something? - I want a Punt Mes.

- I scream. 50! - Three times.

- Two pairs of ladies. - Two pairs of kings.

I want to see them.

Thank you, madam.

- We put a little ice on? - No, it's good like this. Natural.

Tonight I'm not sleepy, baby. Maybe Libyan rice was an aphrodisiac ...

St. Giuseppe, you who are the protector of married love, please listen to my prayer.

Do not let her put on that black shirt, she'll want to do it tonight as well...

Thank you St. Giuseppe, you did well.

- Baby ... - What? The IRS?

Hide the documents! It was you, Gioia!

Sorry! Tonight, my stomach is full ...

- It must be that the rice ... - Kisses!

Sorry! There's something there ...

Wouldn't go neither up nor down.

Not the first time it's not working ...

Stay there!

Come here, little piggy!

- An orgasm? - No. It's the hot water tap dripping.

This time you made me come in the bathroom. What's this? A new fashion?

When someone knocks you can say "Busy!" and they leave immediately.

- Somebody's coming. - It's me...

How beautiful you are this morning, my angel.

- Good morning. - Did you sleep well?

The bathroom was a little bit hard The bed was quite hard...

- Where is Ms. Gioia? - Taking a bed ... A bath.

Too bad there was no hot water.

With these faucets dripping ... All night, tick, tock ...

- Hi, Gioia. - Hi, Stella!

What are you doing, Gioia? You forgot your swimsuit.

- What are you looking at, lady Bucinella? - Me, Lady Bucinella?

- What Bucinella? - I protest.

Protest against your mother who made you so ugly.

If you did not understood, my husband is cheating on me with Lady Bidet.

Now I'm gonna take revenge with the American teacher.

It seems fair, right? Let's go, Professor.

Give me an explanation. Where are they going?

- Take a guess. - No ...

Please!

Open Gioia, are you mad ? Are you having fun with the American?

Not a good joke, no one laughs.

Are you laughing?

- Give me an explanation. - Shut up, you fool.

No one laughs and those two are fucking there...

- I need an explanation ... - Shut up, you fool.

Gioia ...

- Is that a stork? - No.

- What do you think is? - A dragonfly.

It's a stork, I know ...

I feel ill.

- Help me. You understand. - Yes, but I need an explanation.

- Shut up, you fool! - Can't you see you're a fool.

Take me ...

I'm going crazy ...

It's so good... Tell me your liked it.

Not only did I like it...

I'll break the door. Nobody try to stop me.

Do not let anyone try to stop me ... I'll break the door.

Do not do it.

- Gioia, come here. - Did you have fun?

- How dare you? You exaggerate? - Don't bother me.

That'll teach you.

Are you crazy? In front of everyone? There are gentlemen here...

- What will they say? - That you're horned.

- What will my guests say? - You're a whore.

The Virgo and the Capricorn are rough and insensitive to betrayal.

Neither admits their own fault.

I blamed Gianni and he blamed me.

After a week in which we didn't speak,

we decided to go to the Ferreti the father.

Who passes as the one of the leading experts in horns

and he was married to Ferreti Zoraide.

She insists on being called countess, even if anyone calles her...

What they say: Milan's most profligate.

This is Ferreti Senior maybe a bit bearish,

What he lost to Milan managed to restore in Rome with abusive blocks.

If we wait for Gianni ...

Wait Mom, a little pepper.

What a great idea ... That's what Toniazzi says, he is the best in the kitchen.

He's right, it's Cayene you need.

- From one perspective, it gives ... - Yes, it gives ...

- And from another point of view it gives less ... - Yes, it gives less ...

More or less ... We've had enough.

You came to talk about pepper?

You told me something about tits, horns, What happened?

It happened that your Gianni is a big idiot.

- No foul language in my house. - Come, Zoraide.

He said idiot, that's like saying he's a fool.

Or maybe a big dick.

- Salts! - The salts, ma'am.

Leave her alone, she's faking as usual.

- What did this girl do, did she pay VAT? - Listen, father ...

Now I'm grown up and I can talk to you like a man.

I can say like her that I'm an idiot and a fool, but the truth is worse, Dad.

Let's look in each other's eyes, Dad. I'm horned. Okay?

- Horned? - Yes, Dad. Horned.

When the wife does it ... The husband is...

- But she did it in fron of everybody. - What do you mean?

Wake up, father. You're presented the story of an adultery.

What a shame! I told you not to marry a model.

You never know where she comes from.

No doubt in my respects, but everyone knows you came from a brothel.

- Shall I give her the salts, sir? - What salts? Go away.

- What terrible news! - Gioia, ask mother for an apology immediately.

Do not leave without apologizing.