Workin' Moms

- I think I'm gonna miss one night stands the most.

Really?

- Yeah, new bodies, new sex, all those smells. Ugh.

Oh sh--

Hmm.

I always forget.

- It's a miracle we haven't been pregnant

like a million times. - I know, right?

Especially with Julian. Dude never pulls out.

Like ever.

- I should not have invited him. - What?

- Now, all your questionable life decisions

are gonna be in my wedding photos.

- He's separated. - Yeah, for like a day.

- For like a month. - Gross.

Oh, here we go.

- Dude, are you gonna work all weekend?

- Uh uh, no. I just have to get this one email out,

and then it's gonna be all about you.

Oh check it. We're here.

Hmm.

Let's get you married.

Oh my god!

We're getting married!

Smokin', huh?

- Hey! Good to see you guys. - Hi, guys.

- Thanks for coming. - Hi.

- Yeah. - You look beautiful.

- (Slurping) - Um, honey...

- Hmm? - Easy, easy.

No one likes a drunk bride.

There she is!

The cutest little flower girl in the world!

Hoo. She's-she's off right?

Like in the face, she's very sleepy.

- Anne she's a little girl. - Right, sorry. Yeah.

I'm sure she's a great kid.

Girls with strange faces have to be,

it's like a survival technique. - Hey, you.

Hey.

- Can I get your eyes here, please?

- Yes. Yes, I'm sorry, I'm here. Hi.

- I know you didn't want a big event,

but I just would hate to think back on this

and wished that we'd behaved better, right?

Yes, totally. Yes!

I wanna look back on this and not regret it.

- And there are going to be moments that are weird,

and you're going to have to struggle through them.

Like my dancing.

If you can stomach that,

then we're gonna come through the other side, married.

Deal? - Mmhmm.

Hmm.

Yes.

I do! - (Laughing)

- Yes, uh, who could I speak to handles celebrity requests?

Uh huh, I can hold.

Hm.

Hmm. Hi.

Can I call you back?

Julian! I thought you were just coming to the wedding?

Felt like surprising you.

Hmm.

- Hey, don't forget to pull out, okay?

Yeah.

This is Kate?

- Well, is there any way we could skip the waitlist?

Did you just cum in someone's coat?

Well, that's great, Jean.

- I'd love to say a few words before the mother of the bride.

I know it's only been a few years, but in many ways,

I feel like I'm the other mother to our little Annie.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Eleanor: Kate, nice of you to join us.

You look a little flushed. Been up to something?

Oh, but who can tell under that fake tan of yours?

Die in a fire. (Laughs)

- Annie would love that, Bradley,

and I just know that the two of you are going to make

the most beautiful babies.

- If I could just convince this one, right?

- Oh, and may I introduce the other mother of the bride,

Jane.

- (Clears throat) I did not think I would be here,

ever, doing this.

Um, Anne was very independent,

she barely had any friends.

- Okay. - Anne was a toughie,

uh, which I think will serve her very well in marriage.

As you know, Anne grew up without her father,

who was a goddamn deadbeat.

- Um, but I think we did, we did pretty good.

- I think this would be a good time to have a toast

to the bride and groom. - Please!

I was gonna get to that. - Okay, well, let's do it.

- I would like to toast to Anne and Brad.

To Anne and Bradley, cheers!

God, all right, hold on,

let me get this hair under control.

All right, go crazy, purge.

- Your mom! - Yup.

- My mom! - Mm hmm.

- I think I drank too much. - No you're crazy, barf it out.

This is Kate.

No, this is a good time.

Anne: Ugh, so hungover.

- But look at these Frenchies, bitch.

Seriously, I'm going into tonight classy as shizzit.

(Burps) Oh, shit.

- Swallow it, Anne. - Oh, I'm good, I'm good.

Did you get a chance to talk to Brad at all last night?

- Uh, there was so much goin' on you know, but he is great.

- Call him great one more time, I'm gonna rip your tits off.

- Jesus, violent. - Can you just cut the shit

and be straight up with me, please?

- Not everyone likes to dump their shit on the table

all the time, okay?

what different does it make what I think?

- Your opinion is like the most important thing to me.

- (Sighs) Well, fuck if... you need to know.

- I do! - He's a drop controlling.

- What does that mean? - It's not like a big thing,

it's just like you've been... body snatched,

but it's like of the mind. It's like you joined a...

kind of a cult, you know, like the cult of Brad.

And you're in ch-- well, you're not in charge,

but you're like a really good student. You know what it is?

You're like one of those kids who's been kidnapped

and the cop spots you at a bank,

and your eyes are saying one thing, you know - SOS -

but your mouth is like, I'm fine.

- Kate! - What, am I nailing it?

- No! I am in love with him! - Good!

It's more of a vibe thing. The truth is I like him.

- I'm going to marry this guy. - As you should, okay?

I'm sorry, you just... you made me say all that stuff.

You cornered me. - I made you say it?

Eleanor: Knock, knock!

Annie, I brought you something borrowed.

Oh, wow.

All right.

Oh my god, those are beautiful.

- They match your complexion perfectly.

- Wow. Anne: Thank you.

Eleanor: Oh, you deserve everything in this world.

Jane: Smells like a chemical plant in here.

- Jane. - It's so uppity, right?

I asked them if I could microwave my oatmeal package,

and they acted like I'd shit the bed.

- Oh. Thanks, Mom. - Okay.

You know what, I'm gonna go and try your dad again.

Jane? Okay.

- Brought you something. - Oh.

- It happens to be something blue.

- Did uh, one of your patients make this?

- Margaret did, yes, and I'll have you know,

she made them with very little use of her motor skills.

- They are very nice. - Hmm.

Please thank her for me.

- I would, but she is dead. Kate: Okay.

- I'll um, I'll see you out there.

- She's great. - Really?

Jane: No, no.

No, no, please, please sit down.

Just be comfortable.

- Mom, they're supposed to do that.

Nice earrings.

Hi, everyone.

Uh, hello.

As public speaking tends to bring out the worst in Anne,

she won't be up here speaking tonight, but...

Her best friend, Maid of Honour,

bridesmaid extraordinaire, will be, Kate.

She's a lot of fun. She's a very good-humoured person

and I can't wait to hear from her.

Aw, thank you.

Hi.

Such a um, such a great day, right. And um...

That uh, that priest, so nice. So like...