The Unicorn

You're doing great, hon.

How do grown-ups make this look so easy and normal?

Oh, uh, just-just practice. That's it.

This red light is taking forever.

My foot is getting tired of pushing on the brake.

You'll get the hang of it. I promise.

You have been talking for years

about how excited you are to drive, right?

Yes. Oh, my God,

this is the longest red light in the history of the world.

- - Uh, it's green.

- What? - The light?

- It's, uh, it's green. -

Oh. Shoot.

- Green means "go." - Yes, I know that green means go.

- I'm not a baby. Go ahead. Push it.

- Just move out. I'm moving.

Okay, little bit...

Okay, now it's yellow.

Okay, now it's, now it's red.

What do I do?!

Stop!

- - Why are they honking at me?

Because you're in the middle of the intersection!

Stop yelling at me!

I'm not yelling! Oh. I'm not

yelling at you, okay? All right, just...

- Sorry. - I need you to put on your...

foot on the gas pedal and-and-and

move through the intersection.

- Okay. Um... Or not. -

Uh...

Yeah, go-go-go ahead!

It's fine!

Man, teaching a kid how to drive is not easy.

I wish we had advice,

but this is uncharted territory, Wade.

None of us have been through this.

Yeah, like the fact that I can't give you advice hurts me.

Like... physically hurts me.

Not as bad as it hurts me.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm letting Grace down.

I mean, don't you remember that feeling of freedom

when you learned how to drive?

Oh! Oh!

I'd look for any excuse to drive.

I hid toilet paper

so my parents would send me to the store for more.

- Crafty. - Thank you.

I don't actually enjoy driving,

so I'm having trouble participating in this.

I was so pumped to drive...

So pumped... that I had three accidents the first six months.

I drove into a reservoir.

Made the local newspaper.

Page nine. No big deal.

- - No pic, though.

Just one of those articles with... with only words.

Yeah, he's still borderline uninsurable.

- Oh! Oh... What?

That's why the burgers smelled weird.

They're not even burgers.

No. They are seafood skewers with Cajun spices.

Wow. From Wade Felton?

I have never seen anything

but burgers and hot dogs come off that grill.

I-Is this octopus?

I can't eat octopus.

I just saw a special on how smart they are.

Oh, girl, go on and grab you a shrimp.

- Nothing dumber than a shrimp. -

Ha.

You know Shannon has been turning me into

kind of an adventurous cook.

The other day, we found

the most amazing fish market in Boylan Heights.

Wow. That is so cute.

We never go find fish markets.

We rode scooters there

- as the sun was setting. What?

That is such a perfect night.

Well, it was pretty amazing.

I mean, sitting on the stoop of a fish market,

splitting a tall boy,

learning about sea bass

as the stars came out. It was...

Oh. New love... so intoxicating.

Forrest, no hot sauce.

You know what that does to you.

You're right. She's right. She's right.

Do you think I should trimmy ear hair?

I mean, I know it's not an emergency or anything, but...

you know, you don't want to wait until it is an emergency.

Maybe I'll get the trimmer.

That way I'll be ready

when the time comes.

Forrest, we need a change.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sounds more like a motel air conditioner.

No, not the...

Can-can you... can you just turn off the thingy?

Yeah, yeah.

I-I'm talking about us, Forrest.

We are in a rut.

It's just bed pillows, allergy pills,

sound machine...

It's just every night the routine,

night after night after night.

Um, counterpoint: is it a rut?

Or, perhaps, uh, is it a groove?

Because they look similar,

but they're two totally different things.

Okay. Do you remember when we first started dating,

how we used to do just all sorts of

really exciting things?

Oh... Oh, I know what's going on here.

- What? - Wade and Shannon got in your head.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, they're in that new relationship,

- lovey-dovey phase... - Yeah.

- Where you, like, do stuff... - Yeah.

It got you all jazzed up.

No, but, Forrest, do you remember

when we started dating we would just...

we took dance classes

and we would just take random drives

to the beach at midnight.

At midnight!

We need to do that.

What? Wait, when? Now?

No... We-we can't leave Addie home alone.

- - And midnight?

Delia, it's so late.

- Okay. It is late. - Yeah.

Tennis.

We used to play tennis.

Do you remember? Tennis, Forrest.

For no formal training, I was such a natural.

Oh, we would just drive around,

going from court to court,

all over town. God, that was a joy.

Why did we stop doing that?

I don't know.

We just stopped.

Oh, Forrest, we have to play tennis.

Huh? Yeah? Please?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yes! Yes!

- Tennis. - Yes. Hands.

Okay, let's go forward.

All right, hard right.

Hard right. Okay.

Stop. Reverse. Hard left.

Okay.

Hard left. Hard left.

Okay, let's stop.

Hey. Let's go forward.

Hard right.

Hard right. Hard right.

And stop.

Okay, reverse.

Hard left.

Hard left,

harder left... and stop.

Okay, let's go forward.

Hard right. Harder right.

Harder right.

Yeah. It was not great.

I tried to work on three-point turns; it was a 50-point turn.

- Oof. Ooh-hoo.

That's a lot of points.

You're not the only one with problems, man.

I agreed to play tennis with Delia.

So what's the problem?

Well, we haven't played

tennis since we first started dating.

So now you're out of shape?

What? No.

No, I'm in the best shape of my life.

No. God.

Of course not. Back then, I was trying to win Delia's heart.

So I let her win at tennis.

She seemed like the kind of lady who liked to win.

And boy, did she ever.

I don't want to pretend to lose anymore, you know?

I just wish I knew what to do.

Maybe just play your best.

Or... play my worst?

- What? - Think about it.

I play so badly

that Delia doesn't even enjoy winning.

She gets bored and boom...

Done with tennis.

You got any more great ideas?

Was that a great idea?

Like what I should do about Grace?

I mean, I taught her how to ride a bike.

I taught her how to swim.

It was all so easy, but this...

I just...