Ujda Chaman (उजड़ा चमन)

'I am Chaman Kohli.'

'The eldest son of the Kohli Family in Rajouri Garden.'

'A Hindi Professor at the Delhi University on weekdays.'

'And a 30-year-old eligible bachelor on weekends.'

Get lost! Get lost! Don't come here again.

'Like every other Sunday..'

'..my family and I were visiting a prospective girl's family.'

'What happened was, my pictures in the matrimony site..'

'..turned out to be 5 years old.'

'The ones shoving the Kohli Family out now..'

'..were not so long ago trying to fawn us.'

- That's amazing. - So, let's get started?

What do you do, son?

He does Whatsapp.

Don't we all!

- There, that's my younger daughter. - Come..

Come here, dear.

Meet the Kohli Family, he's the eldest son.

Have a seat. Come here.

That's my eldest daughter and her son.

Go and say hello to uncle, son.

- Come on, son. - Very good!

Good boy.

What's your name?

Bittu!

Frauds!

You post a handsome looking picture of him..

..but he turned out to be a bald guy.

- You bloody.. - Get lost!

That's my younger brother, Goldie.

A full time idler who is pursuing a master's degree.

Well, just for the heck of it.

Stop it, Goldie.

- Bloody hoggers. - Here's your cheap Samosa, oldie!

Meet the Papa Kohli.

A clerk at Delhi Municipal Cooperation.

In the past five years, his hair has turned grey..

..trying to find a match for me.

You are an oldie!

- Your son is an oldie and a baldie! - Oh really?

Don't you have a mirror at home?

Where's your hair, you baldie!

That's my mom.

She still believes that I am quite handsome, even if the world doesn't.

Even after 50 rejections, she hasn't lost hope.

- Baldie! Baldie! Baldie! - All of you are so gross!

- You.. - You..

- You.. - Come back.

- You.. - Mummy, let's go.

- Don't come here again. - Come on, get lost!

- Come on, get inside. - You get lost from here.

I'll make you go bald if you ever bring a proposal again.

- Stop! Let me put a jinx on her. - Come on, let's go from here.

- Go ahead. Come on. - Let me put a jinx on her.

May every male in your family be forever bald.

Please don't ask us to meet such disgusting families again.

I agree. They looked like a family of hooligans.

- It is not so. - My son has a narrow escape. Good riddance.

You know so many people. Why can't you find us a good match?

What is this?

Did a crow do that or a pigeon?

- What? - Shit.

- Do you have to say that? - But it is shit. Have a look.

Oh, I got it.

- Rajni is behind this. - This shit?

- No, black magic. - Come on, how do you expect Rajni to sit here?

You might think that she is very naive..

..but she keeps doing black magic all the time.

Whatever.

- Brother, please introduce us to Mr. Shastri. - Okay.

He predicted that Trump would be America's Prime Minister.

And it came true.

Mummy, he's the President, not the Prime Minister.

He is something, right?

- Don't argue with me, Goldie. - You keep crushing the candies.

- This isn't Candy Crush, papa. - He behaves as if he is some minister.

Look, his planetary positions bypassing the wedding platform..

..will take a shortcut through asceticism..

..and lead him directly to Moksa.

Great.

Amazing.

That means everything is fine.

This means if he doesn't get married before he turns 31..

..then he will forever lead an ascetic life.

In English, it's called..

- Celebrate. - Not celebrate, celibate.

- We will celebrate. - What?

Why will we celebrate?

It's not celebrate, it's celibate.

This means he will stay single all his life.

He will never get married.

- What? - Yes.

What are you saying, Guruji?

It's not me, his planetary positions suggest that.

Please don't put this on me.

- This is so wrong. - No..

- Whether it's wrong or right, it is what is it is. - Don't cry, Guddi.

- This is a big thing. - Mummy..

- What is trhis? - He is my eldest son.

Please don't cry.

- Eldest or youngest doesn't matter. - How will the youngest one..

- Please, don't cry.. - ..get married if he doesn't?

- Please calm her down. - Every mother has a dream..

- ..of getting her son married. - Please don't cry. I am begging you not to.

- Is there a solution? - There is.

Get him married before he turns 31.

This is the solution.

Okay.

That can be done.

It's okay, son. Okay?

Give the offerings to everyone.

- Celebrate. - Celebrate.

"My nose ring is trying to say something.."

Come on, man.

This is Joginder's fault.

Mummy, it's the fault of that 5-year-old picture and the cap.

It's not like we love to lie.

No one's ready to meet a bald guy.

I mean that once they meet the boy, they might like him, his family.

And things might eventually work out.

Someone tell me what's the use of hair anyway.

They are useless, just like fingernails.

He is a good guy. He has a government job.

He is a professor in college. What else do they want?

Don't worry.

Nirmala has some herbal oil.

Apply that and you will have hair sprouting in three days.

- I guarantee that. - The hair oil won't help.

I think you should go for hair transplant.

Don't you dare go for hair transplant, Chaman.

- But.. - Do you know how risky it is?

- Surinder's nephew got it done last year. - And?

He passed away.

- Really? - Yes.

You are under my oath.

We wouldn't have to go hunting for a girl..

..if only he would have opted for love marriage.

You know, we had a love marriage way back in 1986.

He's useless.

At least try.

Why don't you just keep quiet and cut the salad?

- Fine. - Don't stress yourself, son.

I'll find such a lovely girl for you..

..that the whole of Rajouri will burn with jealousy.

Why not go for the whole of Delhi, Guddi?

- Vivid imaginations don't get taxed as yet.- Please, keep quiet.

No one needs to find anyone.

Did I ask you to?

Oh really? So you want to be a 'celebrity'?

Mummy, it's not celebrity, it's celibate.

Actors are called celebrity.

- Don't interrupt me. - Why don't you say single and end the argument?

Fine, you will end up being that.

You know you have a flaw.

So what? People can be happy without marriage.

Really? Tell me one name.

Salman Khan.

Their case is different.

They at least get some..

What?

Girls. They can find girls.

- They have had many options. - Yes. Right!

I can be happy even without a girl in my life.

Yeah, right.

Pushpa.

I've told you a thousand times to dress decently.

- There are three males in here. - Calm down. This is not her fault.

This jar will come flying at you next.

Water, please.

You want water? Here's your water.

'Suhani and Piyush got engaged.'

'Hey, congratulations guys.'

'Congrats.'

'S**t! The last one is also down.'

'Everyone from our batch is married now.'

'Hey not yet, our Chaman is still pending.'

'Is he still thinking about marriage?'

'I thought he must have given up by now.'

Hello?

I was waiting for your call.

What?

Listen, can we meet tomorrow?

My friend has an empty flat.

Let's go there.

Do you think I am that kind of a guy?

Have I ever even touched you?

Come on now, give me a kiss.

A small one?

You know I cannot sleep without one.

I feel restless.

Give me a small one. Please give it.

This is meant for the cheek.

Now one on my lips.

What are you doing?

Goldie, I can't find my slippers.

Can't find your slippers?

Take mine.

Pass them to me.

Here.

Hello!