The Unusuals

2nd squad, this is dispatch.

Are you sitting down?

Nobody move!

All right, what do we got?

This is a robbery!

Get down! Get down on the ground!

Witness called it in. Four guys with masks.

They went in there about five minutes ago. Got it.

What do you want to do?

Well... I could use some waffles.

My breakfast didn't stick.

What? No, seriously. Come on.

Walsh, new partnership.

Are you a "three and then go" guy or "go on three"? Which one?

Yeah, I don't count.

See, that's good to know.

Police! Don't move!

I don't know. It's just different.

Different how?

It's hard to explain.

I've worked three other precincts,

and none of them were like the 2nd precinct.

Maybe it's the criminals.

See, we get a lot of oddballs and nutjobs.

Or maybe it's just us... the cops.

I don't know.

You know, when I worked vice undercover,

they would call me "Pete Rose."

You know why they called me "Pete Rose?"

Well, either you like to slide headfirst

or you're the utility player. Exactly.

See, I can do everything...

the interviews, the research, dress up like a hooker.

So whatever you need, just tell me.

Okay, I will.

Well, you know, in the meantime,

just keep your knees bent and roll with things,

because at the 2nd squad, nothing is what you think it is.

Whoa!

Thanks for that!

2nd squad, 1031 in progress at Madeline's dress shop on Essex.

Dispatch respectfully reminds all responding officers

that she is a size two.

You couldn't have waited?

For what? The guy's swinging a sword.

At least let me put a couple of bullets in him, soften him up.

I was in the moment.

What's this?

Guy tried to rob a cash-only restaurant with a sword.

And Einstein here charges him.

Okay. Yo, man, I got rights.

Shut up.

Beaumont, Cole, robbery just came in.

Pawnshop on Delancey and Chrystie.

Get over there. We're on it, sarge.

Hey, you can't talk to me, you know. I'm only 16.

Should have thought about that before you went cash-skiing on Essex Street.

36. 41.

What was that about? Wouldn't you like to know.

There were four of them.

They all had pantyhose on their heads.

One guy didn't know how to do it, though,

So the second leg was hanging off of his face like a trunk.

How much did they take?

$8,000, maybe $10,000 in cash and jewelry.

And the victim, he worked here? Yeah, Pete.

We keep a baseball bat behind the counter.

He went for it, and the little guy shot him.

He couldn't have been more than 5'1".

Is there anything else you can tell us about the robbers?

But they left this behind.

A... an onion. Yeah.

Said it was a souvenir.

"Souvenir for what?" I said.

That guy with the trunk, he said,

"You're a piece of New York history now."

Whatever the hell that means.

What's up, sarge? Yeah.

Um, where are we at with Walsh?

Uh, sir, we've only been partners for one week.

Kowalski was dirty.

And somebody killed him. Walsh was his partner.

Internal Affairs wants to do an investigation.

I told them I can handle it, but I need your help.

Sir...

Look, I like Walsh. He's the real deal.

But I can't protect him if I don't know his story.

His story?

Every cop has a story... why they do what they do.

What their story is dictates what kind of police they are.

Now, can you help me?

Ready to take a run at the kid?

Uh, um, yeah.

James Boorland.

You're 16. What are you doing robbing a bank?

My client's a minor. You have to charge him as one.

But bank robbery's a federal crime.

Throw in a loaded weapon, shooting at a cop,

now you're looking at mandatory sentencing.

I didn't shoot at anybody. Doesn't matter.

Shots were fired.

Please. I don't want to go to jail.

We pulled your records.

James Boorland...

honor student at stuyvesant high school,

science club, math club, debate club.

What... what was this, like a field trip?

Look, I've got the S.A.Ts on Saturday.

You think I'll still be able to take them?

Yeah, I'm gonna go with no on that.

I didn't even want to do it, but...

But what? Whose idea was it, James?

James?

Hey, Walsh, you got a sec?

I'll take him.

All right? Yeah.

I just wanted to say, no hard feelings about last week.

Last week?

Yeah. The wild goose chase you sent me on.

You know, Shabu Shabu.

Ah.

I know that you were probably just feeling upset

about Kowalski, so...

No, I was just trying to teach you a lesson.

Oh.

How long you been working here, Eddie?

It'll be a year on friday. Ah, see, how wonderful.

What's Delahoy's first name?

Um...

Eric. Eric.

How old's Banks? Banks. Well, he's...

42.

He talks about it all the time, Eddie...

The year he's gonna die.

Yeah, I... I must have missed that.

You see, this is what I'm talking about, eddie.

You've been here a year, and you don't know anything about us.

You're right... I should familiarize myself with people's personnel files.

No, Eddie, maybe you just come have a beer with us sometime.

Stop being such a snob.

Is that my windbreaker?

No.

Yeah, it is. The lining's ripped.

Okay, it's your windbreaker. So what?

What's... what's wrong with you?

Wh... what do you need my windbreaker for?

You got your own windbreaker.

Someone should be recording this conversation

for insomniacs everywhere.

No, no, no, no, no.

It's the point, okay. A man's jacket, you know?

His windbreaker. I mean, these things are sacred.

It's lucky, okay? It's a lucky windbreaker.

It's the one you wore when you got shot.

I didn't get shot.

Yeah, you did.

Two barrels, straight in the face, and it misses.

It has nothing to do with my outerwear, okay?

It was a misfire.

It was a miracle.

Right. Okay. Take it off.

Really? Hand it over.

All right. All right, another robbery just came in.

Who's catching? Donovan, Dobbs?

What's that?

What is that?

It's an onion.

I know what it is. What's it doing on your desk?

Perp left it at that pawnshop robbery.

Four jokers with pantyhose on their heads.

Oh, no. They left an onion behind?

Why? What do you think that means?

It means they're back. Who?

The Boorlands. I should have known.

Sarge, did you say Boorlands? Yeah, the oldest family of criminals in New York.

They like to leave an onion.

Hey, sarge, our guy's a Boorland.

The samural in there... that's Frank Boorland.

Yeah, the kid we just nabbed in the armed robbery's a Boorland, as well.

Oh, crap.

So, the Boorlands are what,

organized crime, like the mafia?

No, they're more like disorganized crime.

The Boorlands have been breaking the law in this city

since before there were cops to catch them.

My dad arrested Boorlands, his dad before him.

They're petty thieves and thugs. They can't agree on anything.

Another robbery, sarge. Houston and second.

Ladies and gentlemen, drop everything.

We have ourselves a crime spree.

Hey, weren't you in the village people?

Where's the cowboy and the indian?

Hey, buddy.

Nice suit. They make you wear that?

What did I tell you, Frank? You can't come here.

Well, the apartment you got me smells like farts,

and the tv only gets four channels.

So read a book.

Right. That's a good one.

Hey, how about I call the service