Parks and Recreation

- TOM! I WOULD LIKE YOU

TO REDESIGN OUR PARKS DEPARTMENT LOGO.

SOUNDS COOL SO FAR.

- RETHINK OUR VISUAL BRAND, TAKE THESE WORDS,

AND MAKE SOMETHING AMAZING.

- SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU WANT ME TO CHOOSE A NEW FONT?

- YES, ESSENTIALLY I'D LIKE YOU TO CHOOSE A NEW FONT.

JERRY, I AM MAKING YOU MY NUMBER-TWO GUY

ON THE NEW FONT PROJECT.

- COME ON, THAT'S TOO CLOSE. LET'S MAKE HIM A NUMBER-THREE.

- FAIR ENOUGH. JERRY, YOU'RE NUMBER THREE.

THERE'S ONLY TWO OF US.

- HE HAS BEEN IN THIS DEPARTMENT A LONG TIME.

I THINK MAYBE YOU COULD LEARN SOMETHING FROM HIM.

*

- OUR RESEARCH SHOWS THAT OUR PARK

WILL DRAW 5,000 VISITORS A YEAR,

AND I WANT THIS TO BE THE MOST AMAZING, AWE-INSPIRING,

FUN-FILLED PARK EVER CONCEIVED.

- NOW HOW BIG IS THE PARK, EXACTLY?

IT IS .000003

SQUARE MILES.

RECENTLY, THE LAST REMAINING TELEPHONE BOOTHS

IN PAWNEE WERE TORN DOWN,

AND ON THAT PATCH OF CONCRETE,

I AM CREATING PAWNEE'S

THE SMALLEST PARK IN INDIANA.

THE TITLE IS CURRENTLY HELD

BY MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. PARK IN TERRYVILLE,

BUT GUESS WHAT?

TERRYVILLE SUCKS OLD CAR TIRES, AND SO DOES MARTIN LUTHER--

NO, HE DOES NOT SUCK OLD CAR TIRES.

HE WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST MEN IN HISTORY.

I'M SORRY. SOMETIMES I GET COMPETITIVE.

- HAS THERE BEEN ANY RESISTANCE FROM THE COMMUNITY?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

IT'S SO SMALL WE DON'T EVEN NEED TO DO

AN ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT REPORT.

IT'S INEXPENSIVE, IT BENEFITS THE TOWN,

IT'S A TOTAL SLAM DUNK.

- YOU TWO, WHEN YOU WORK ON A PROJECT TOGETHER,

ARE SIMPLY AMAZING.

GREAT JOB, TEAM.

- MAN, ALL THESE CLASSES LOOK AMAZING.

I CAN'T CHOOSE.

- THEY DO THIS THING CALLED A "SHOPPING PERIOD,"

WHERE YOU CAN JUST SAMPLE AS MANY CLASSES AS YOU WANT.

- REALLY? - YEAH.

SPORTS AND SOCIETY.

PHYSICAL SCIENCE.

A CRASH COURSE?

- YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

OH.

I DID NOT GRADUATE COLLEGE, BECAUSE I DID NOT "ATTEND" IT,

BUT I'M TRYING TO IMPROVE MYSELF,

SO I'M GONNA START BY TAKING JUST ONE CLASS.

- IF YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A COLLEGE COURSE,

ANDREW, YOU SHOULD EXPLORE A NEW SUBJECT.

BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS. - YUP.

- HORIZONS ARE DUMB. NEVER BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS.

YUP.

- JUST TAKE SOMETHING YOU'RE GREAT AT AND GET AN EASY A.

- NO OFFENSE, RON, BUT APRIL'S WAY SOUNDS WAY EASIER.

GUITAR FOR BEGINNERS.

I VALUE A GOOD EDUCATION,

SO I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANDY

WASTE HIS TIME IN COLLEGE.

OF ALL MY COWORKERS, HE IS ONE OF A SMALL NUMBER

WHOM I DO NOT ACTIVELY ROOT AGAINST.

UGH, THERE I GO GETTING ALL SAPPY.

- HEY. - HEY.

- SO, I HAVE ABOUT NINE THINGS I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

THE FIRST IS THE RIBBON-CUTTING CEREMONY.

DO YOU KNOW WHO'S BRINGING SCISSORS?

BECAUSE I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY CEREMONIES GET DERAILED

WHEN PEOPLE DON'T BRING SCISSORS.

NUMBER TWO-- - RIGHT. UM, LISTEN.

I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

OH, YEAH?

- AFTER THIS PROJECT FINISHES,

I'M GONNA FOCUS ON OTHER DEPARTMENTS

AND CUT DOWN MY TIME WITH PARKS AND REC.

WHAT?

- WELL, LOOK, I MEAN, WE TRIED HANGING OUT TOGETHER,

WE TRIED WORKING TOGETHER, AND IT JUST...

BUMS ME OUT.

- NO, NO, NO. WE'RE JUST WORKING OUT THE KINKS.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DECREASE YOUR TIME WITH ME.

IN FACT, YOU NEED TO INCREASE YOUR TIME WITH ME.

YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME.

THAT MAKE SENSE? I THINK IT DOES.

- NO, LESLIE, NO, LISTEN TO ME.

AFTER THE SMALLEST PARK WRAPS UP,

I AM GOING TO ASK CHRIS

TO TAKE OVER ALL PARKS AND REC BUSINESS.

OKAY?

- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.

- WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I NEED TO ASCERTAIN THE WHEREABOUTS

OF SOME OVERSIZED CEREMONIAL SCISSORS.

I--

THOSE ARE MY PENS AND PENCILS.

- NO, SEE, I THINK THAT COMIC SANS ALWAYS SCREAMS "FUN."

RIGHT?

BUT, MAN, THOSE "R"s IN HELVETICA,

THEY'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, LIKE, REALLY POPPING FOR ME.

- I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE BORED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

WHO CARES ABOUT LETTERS?

THE ONLY GOOD FONT IS THE SOPRANOS ONE,

WHERE THE "R" IS A PISTOL.

LET'S THINK BIGGER, PEOPLE, COME ON.

WHAT ABOUT A TOP-TO-BOTTOM MAKEOVER

FOR THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT?

I'M TALKING NEW UNIFORMS, NEW SIGNAGE, NEW COLOR SCHEME.

A WHOLE, NEW, SEXY VIBE.

I DON'T KNOW.

THIS REALLY ISN'T WHAT CHRIS ASKED US TO DO.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STICK TO THE ASSIGNMENT.

COOL, JERRY.

I'D TAKE YOUR ADVICE IF I WANTED TO BE

A DEAD-EYED GOVERNMENT DRONE WITH NO AMBITION.

YES, TECHNICALLY MY NEW JOB IS MY OLD JOB,

BUT I'M NOT SOME BORING, JERRY GERGICH-TYPE GUY.

I'M MORE OF A STEVE HARVEY.

I DREAM BIG, I SHAKE THINGS UP, AND I ALWAYS WEAR DOPE SUITS.

- OKAY, CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS CALLED?

- UH, THAT'S A FRET. - YEAH.

- AND THAT LITTLE THING YOU GOT RIGHT THERE--

THAT'S CALLED A CAPO. CHANGES THE KEY.

- UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE IN THE ADVANCED CLASS?

- YEAH, MAYBE I SHOULD.

DUDE, DUMB IT DOWN.

- BUT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY, BECAUSE I'M JUST A BEGINNER.

I BARELY HAVEN'T EVEN EVER SEEN A "GORTAR."

OKAY.

WE WILL BE WORKING ON BASIC CHORDS FOR THE FIRST FOUR WEEKS.

- OH, MY GOD. FOUR WEEKS.

I'M ALREADY BORED.

- OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU'RE NOT CHALLENGING YOURSELF.

I SUGGEST WE SAMPLE A FEW MORE CLASSES.

FINE.

VERY GOOD.

GOOD-BYE, EVERYBODY. GUESS WHAT.

I WAS SECRETLY AN UNDERCOVER ROCK STAR THIS WHOLE TIME.

FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

I THINK YOU WOULD MAKE AN INCREDIBLE BRUNETTE.

RON SWANSON.

- I MEAN, HE'S NOT EVEN ATTENDING

THE RIBBON-CUTTING CEREMONY OF A PARK THAT WE MADE TOGETHER.

I'M SORRY, LESLIE.

I'M JUST FREAKING OUT.

THE ONLY THING WE HAVE LEFT IS WORK.

AND NOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK TOGETHER ANYMORE?

WHAT DOES THAT ALL MEAN?

- I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

YEAH.

I SHOULD JUST DRAG OUT THAT TINY PARK PROJECT

FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE

SO BEN AND I CAN KEEP WORKING TOGETHER.

- THAT'S ALMOST EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I MEANT.

- NO, WHAT I'LL DO IS I'LL GET THE NEIGHBORHOOD ALL RILED UP,

AND THEN MAYBE THEY'LL ASK FOR AN ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT REPORT--

AND THEN BEN AND I WILL WORK TOGETHER

FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR.

- LESLIE, FOR GOD'S SAKES. - GOOD IDEA, ANN.

NO, ANN, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU.

WILL YOU JUST SHUT YOUR BEAUTIFUL PIE HOLE?

JUST SIT THERE, LET ME STARE AT YOU

WHILE YOU SILENTLY SUPPORT ME ON THIS GAME PLAN.

- LESLIE-- - SHH, ANN...

LESLIE...

- YOUR QUIET SUPPORT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.

AS WELL AS YOUR TACIT ENDORSEMENT OF ALL MY BEHAVIORS.

AS A MATURE, REASONABLE ADULT,

I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WILL BE THE LAST PROJECT

THAT BEN AND I ARE WORKING ON TOGETHER.

SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR THE GRAND OPENING

OF PAWNEE'S SMALLEST PARK ON NOVEMBER 12TH, 2070.

- THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THIS VERY IMPORTANT,

AND WHAT I SUSPECT WILL BE LENGTHY, MEETING.

THE PROPOSED PARK IS VERY SMALL,

BUT WE BELIEVE WE NEED TO INVESTIGATE EVERY DETAIL.

SO IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME

OR ASSISTANT CITY MANAGER BEN WYATT, GO RIGHT AHEAD.

- HI, I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THIS PROJECT.

- WHOA, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHERE'S THE FIRE?

LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER FIRST.

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD.

- IS THERE GOING TO BE BASKETBALL THERE?

BASKETBALL COURTS ATTRACT UNDESIRABLES TO MY COMMUNITY.

- WELL, THERE'S BARELY ROOM FOR AN ACTUAL BASKETBALL,

MUCH LESS A COURT.

- BECAUSE THERE'S A DEFINITE TYPE OF PERSON

I ASSOCIATE WITH BASKETBALL,

AND I'D RATHER NOT HAVE THAT TYPE OF PERSON NEARBY.

- DON'T WORRY. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY.

- OKAY, I'LL JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TYPE OF PERSON I DON'T LIKE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.