The Zero Boys

All right, this is the plan. We either get Casey or we're history.

- Got you! - Fine by me.

Watch for the snake man. No matter what happens, leave Casey to me!

- You guys ready? - Damn right.

Eat your heart out, Sly.

Damn, I wasted it!

You're dead turkey.

Get him! Now!

Casey!

You're... dead!

Shit!

- Come on Casey, say it! - Fuck you.

That's not it Casey. Come on, say the words.

OK, Goddammit, you're the best.

We didn't hear all that, Casey. Louder!

I said you're the best.

That wasn't our deal, dickhead. Loud enough so everyone can hear it.

- Remember? Do it! - The Zero Boys are the best!

Fucking assholes!

And the money!

You look terrible.

That settles it, Perski.

Not quite, pal. There's just one more thing.

Look, Perski! I can't go through with this.

My ass, you can't!

Now do you want to tell her or do you want me to?

Hail to the Mad Max.

I came to claim my prize, Miss Farnwell.

What the hell's going on Casey?

Look, I can explain everything.

Yeah, go on, explain.

You're coming with me this weekend.

Jamie, you don't have to do anything, just go with him.

- Nothing heavy. OK? - I'm a prize?

- The prize. - Baby cakes, listen.

Don't 'Babycakes' me, you stupid asshole. We're finished.

Hey, cool it!

I hope it hurts, sleazebag.

Just because you beat a bunch of wimps, Mad Max

doesn't mean you win me.

- Hey, Jamie! - What?

Let's forget it, no big deal.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah? - Yeah!

I got news for you. I'm coming along.

Is that a promise or a threat?

- Hey Steve. - Hey Steve, what's going on?

I'll tell you right now. I don't think she should come.

- You always do this to us. - Hey, do me a favor, shut up.

Hi.

Babe, take this to the office, I'll talk to you later.

All right, see you later.

Nice job, kids. But next time play by the rules.

- What do you mean? - What's the matter, Mr Shaw?

You swapped weapons three times. You crossed the line twice.

You destroyed the effects.

Next time I'll bust you for it. But today you're the best.

Yeah! Thanks, Mr Shaw!

This is your last chance to get out.

Are you kidding? I'm so thrilled to be with the champions.

Come on, show me what makes the Zero Boys tick.

- To think we won this bitch in a game. - We should have lost.

Very mature.

- Yeah, I figured you'd enjoy that. - Like a root canal.

- She's going to be a pain in the ass. - She'll come around.

Why would anybody want to go out with Casey's chick?

Curiosity.

It's all yours.

Don't be a prick, Steve. Go talk to her.

- Swell, now I'm the prick. - Well, you can't exactly blame her.

We don't appreciate being used as bait in some asshole's poker game, OK?

- It was Casey's idea. - So what? You're not Casey.

Go talk to her.

- Steve. - What?

Take a breath mint.

Just in case you make up.

Can we talk?

I'll listen.

Look, this whole thing wasn't my idea.

I just went along with it because it would piss off Casey.

- OK. - What do you mean, "OK"?

I know Casey, he can be a real shit sometimes.

I believe you. That's all.

That was easier than I thought.

It's because you don't know me.

So fill me in.

All right, I'm 19. I was born in Minnesota.

I'm in my sophomore year at the university.

I'm a straight "A" Psych Major

with a minor in Speech Pathology and one in English.

I'm five six, love tennis and I fuck on the first date.

- What the hell was that? - Sounded like a scream.

Hey man, what's happening?

- We heard a scream. - A scream?

Come on you guys, somebody's probably raping mother nature again.

Let's take a look.

Everybody in the truck. Pack it up.

- There! - What?

I saw a woman. She was running.

Stop, stop the car.

And I thought I was stoned.

Oh, brother!

Maybe I was wrong.

Let's go.

It's blood, isn't it?

There's a lot of hunting up here. Could be from a deer.

No, it was a woman. I saw her running through here a minute ago.

I'm positive, Steve.

Look! There's a house over there.

Let's go ask 'em.

- I don't know, it's getting pretty dark. - What's the matter? Scared?

What have we gotten into this time?

- Hello? - Jason, old boy, you here?

- Shut up. - Yeah, shut up.

- Anybody home? - It doesn't look like it.

Hello?

- It's spooky. - It's not spooky, this is great.

OK, no one's here, let's go.

Steve, where's your sense of adventure?

- Let's wait, I'll light a fire. - "Gone till Monday, have fun."

OK, just for a while.

Look what I found on the refrigerator. Hospitality lives.

Wasn't meant for us, dipshit. They're expecting visitors.

We are visitors. Hey everybody, drinks are on me.

- All right, let's have a party. - Wait. I said just for a while.

- Come on, Steve. - Don't you touch anything.

What kind of people you think live in this place?

Survivalists, a family maybe?

It's probably just a vacation house.

Mais non, mon capitain.

Would you listen to this?

Double your pleasure, double your fun.

Twin sisters who want to light up your life.

Two heads are always better than one.

What do you think Steve, you got a pen?

Hey, wow, listen to this.

Eight Titanic inches in just four weeks or your money back.

I'm not impressed.

Of course not, that'd be like losing four inches!

Hey, Steve, guess what's up here?

Two bedrooms, all guys stuff.

Come on, you guys.

Hello.

Rip, old buddy, I'd like to show you something.

You know this is filth, I mean it's trash.

It's perverse and disgusting.

I'm gonna subscribe.

Hey, what's that?

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Rip

Happy birthday to you

One more time...

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Rip

Happy birthday to you

Oh, you guys are too much. Thanks, honey.

I charged it on your credit card.

All right birthday boy, blow 'em all out!

Shit, man, you spit all over the cake.

Right, now I'm the only one who'll eat it.

- Hey, let's all get warmed up. - Yeah.

All right.

- I'm paying for this? - Relax. It's just cheap California stuff.

- Here, you deserve it. - All right.

Thank you.

May you live forever, Rip. And forever be an asshole.

- I'll drink to that. - You would.

- To Freud. - Why Freud?

'Cause he's the dude who changed it all.

For 2,000 years, religion and philosophy made us believe

that the soul was the center of everything.

Freud came along and preached the truth.

It's the dick.

And to the Zero Boys. In all modesty, guys, we are the best.

The boys may be Zeros, but the girls are tens.

Yeah!

- Here's to you. - Why me?

The Zero Boys are always nice to newcomers.

Especially ones we can jump.

And now ladies and gentlemen, if you will excuse me.

I have to lay claim for my birthday present.

Little one, I will give you enough pleasure to last five years.

Five minutes would be enough. Hmm, just kidding.

Don't wait up for us guys. It's going to be a long night.

I hope this isn't on my credit card.

I'm waiting for you, Rip.

Rip?

- I'm horny. - You asshole.

What's the matter with you? Why are you so uncomfortable?

Because we're trespassing.

How would you feel if you came home and found somebody in your bed?

Lucky.

Well, it still doesn't feel good to me.

Don't worry, it's probably just a bunch of faggots living in the woods.

I wonder what they keep in that barn outside.

Larry, you're a tease.

No, I'm not.

- Prove it. - OK.

Just kidding.

- Let's play photography. - How?

Go into a darkroom and see what develops.