El Revenge (La Vingança)

CACO, CAN'T SEE U TODAY

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What a shitty jump!

What a loser, Justine! Come on!

I want to end this take and have lunch!

Fuck!

- What the fuck was that? - Not that great?

Not that great? It was pitiful!

Vadão, what's up with that?

I have 15 minutes to end this and have lunch!

- I'll give you one more jump! - One jump. And it'll work.

One good jump. Or I will be the one falling from there!

Then we may take a great shot of your jump.

- Relax, okay? - Cool.

I'm sorry.

Come on, folks, let's do it all again!

- I'll be awesome now. - Gimme the clothes.

- What? - Gimme, I'll do it.

No, I...

Did you notice the PMS? We only have one jump.

- I'll make it, I swear. - You're not focused...

Can you handle it? No, so gimme the clothes.

- I was gonna make it. - Ok, next month you make it.

Surprise her?

When a woman says she wants to talk,

you have to flee, vanish, disappear...

You're too immature...

Did she say, "Caco, I need to talk to you about wedding?"

No, she wanted to talk.

But this is Julia... she never says it straight.

Next time I see her, if I'm not in a tuxedo

with the wedding invitations, she'll scream at me,

"You didn't get what I was saying, you don't see me..."

- Pretend you didn't read it. - I don't want to.

It's time to move forward.

I have to be a man, wash the dishes once in a lifetime,

make the bed, clean the living room...

We can't live the whole life in a yellow Opala

trying to score girls and thinking that life is this.

Life is this!

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

I'm here with the car running, just in case,

- we can get away in a sec. - Ok.

At least I'll be your best man, right?

- You'll be with me at the altar. - Cool...

Hi, how are you?

Julia?

Ju?

Ju?

Stop it.

What are you doing here? Don't you knock?

This is my working space!

Caco...

Fuck, we should have talked...

Fuck...

Yeah, you need to talk, but these things pass...

- We're adults here. - Fuck...

Wait, wait...

- Don't be rude, she said she's sorry... - Caco.

It's alright, Julia...

I can't explain What I feel about you

I can't, I can't, I can't...

I just know...

- Let's go. - Why are you sad? She said yes?

Let's go, please, fast!

An Argentine!

La Vingança - Decime qué se siente. La venganza / El Revenge -

Caco!

Open the door, Caco!

I know you're all weepy. Open up!

I'll force it open!

Caco!

What's this, Vadão?

Good question, what's this?

What is it, huh?

- What's this? - Don't eat that, it's old.

And what's this? This anal face?

Good thing I came, this is disgusting...

You were about to write a poem, if I came 5 minutes later...

you'd post an Edgar Allan Poe quote on Facebook.

- So... what do you want to do? - Sleep.

You want to sleep?

Don't you want to read a Paulo Coelho's book?

No, I want to be alone.

- Do you want me to leave? - Yeah.

Ok, I'll go. But you're coming with me.

Put on happy clothes.

Very happy clothes 'cause we're going out.

- Are you eating? - I don't want it...

So let's go.

Messi is like that. Not that, but kind of...

He is programmed to do just one thing.

He is awesome in that, but it's just that.

Ask him to park a car...

He can't, someone will do it for him.

Ask him about the multiplication table.

Have you ever seen him multiplying numbers?

- I've never seen Messi multiplying. - Because he probably can't.

Or else there'd be an ad of him doing it,

with children laughing...

and he'd ask you to open a bank account.

Can you see the level of manipulation?

- No, I can't. - That's what I'm saying.

There's always a little scheme, a plan B.

Every world cup they mess things up.

Maradona dopes Branco...

Then Maradona dopes himself...

They never won the Cup after anti-doping was invented.

'BUENOS AIRES, HERE WE GO!'

ARGENTINA, HERE WE GO!!!

COME BABY! MISS U ALREADY!

And that pope came in after the mess with the other,

no one did an anti-doping test on him,

he may be hallucinating and we don't know...

- What have I done wrong, Vadão? - Nothing.

I'm a genuinely nice guy.

I'm a dedicated boyfriend, I'm a good guy!

You're a nice guy.

Yeah, don't ever let anyone say you're not a nice guy! You are!

- And he's what? - A stuck up asshole!

- Asshole with a lot of restaurants. - Dumbass...

You're a stunt! A cuckold but a stunt!

There are very few cuckold stunts in the world...

You capsize a car on fire!

You fall off a cliff...

The guy fries a steak and everybody loves him.

What is this world we're living in? It's wrong!

So what that he's got a little restaurant in Buenos Aires...

and New York, ok...

and in Paris...

Graduated in Cordon Bleu...

Fuck him...

He's got some awards...

top 5 franchises according to Time magazine, a millionaire...

- He's the host of "Pop Chef"... - Ok, right, he is!

- You're a very nice guy! - I'm a nice guy!

I'm a guy with principles, I think of the others.

I don't go to Argentine to hit on her girlfriend!

Why do they have to come here, take a plane,

then a taxi to hit on our girlfriends?

The right thing would be...

Brazilians there making out with their girls.

Exactly!

Even better, their girls here making out with us.

Or their girls with ours,

we would film a home video, the world would be a big party.

The right thing would be to go there to get his girlfriend.

What a beautiful dream, Brazil! That's it!

We could put all their cousins in his living room!

Lick his cousin's face in front of him.

And then his aunt... and his niece...

With a sports narration, you making out with them all...

You do whatever you want! You can even hit an old man!

I'm single! I can do whatever!

I can buy a ticket and go to Argentina and have my revenge!

- From this creep! Jerk! - How beautiful!

- Revenge! Revenge! - We'll get naked there!

We'll show who's boss, stupid!

- Are you alright? - I stood up too fast...

Wanna take a little nap?

Good morning!

- Where are we? - We just crossed Paraná.

Are you nuts?

What are we doing here?

- Don't you want to go to Argentina? - No, I was drunk.

That's when we say what we really want.

- Stop the car. - Why?

- I'm gonna be sick... - No, not on Jorge!

- Stop the car. - Wait!

Fuck...

JULIA CHECKED IN AT "LO DE FACUNDO" #HAPPY #HAPPYNESS

Fuck! Shit! Motherfucker!

- What? What? - Shit! My life is shitty!

I'm a piece of shit, my life is shitty!

We're in the middle of nowhere!

What are we doing here? Let's go back!

Where to? To the depression hole Julia put you on.

It's a 10 hour drive.

Caco, you have to react, what more can I say?

It's our legacy from Christianism, revenge!

You must take revenge.

I'm not a vengeful guy, this idea of a trip...

Let me ask you something:

Are you an idiot? Your girl fucked a man in front of you!

You will never slap me again in your life!

An Argentine!

It could be a Frenchman, a Carioca, an old man, Axl Rose, anything,

but it's an Argentine.

You have reached the top of cuckoldness, congrats!

Stay here then...

Let's hit it.

And never again you say that, ok?

That you're not vengeful.

I don't know... I've got a feeling that

when we are a long time with a person,

there's intimacy and we can read small details,

like we can sense one day

that the person is having sex with another, we feel it.

- Are you feeling that now? - No.

- Then your intuition is wrong. - Is it? Really?