Monster House

Hello, leaves.

Hello, sky.

Get off my lawn!

Trespasser.

Do you want to be eaten alive?

- No. - Then get out of here!

My trike.

Stay away from my house!

- DJ! - We're gonna be late.

Yeah, Mom, I'm coming. I'm coming.

October 30th: another tricycle.

I'm coming.

Mom.

Mom, he did it again. He took another tricycle.

Okay, honey, we've talked about this.

You cannot stay up in your room all day...

...staring at an old man through a telescope.

But, Mom, there's something wrong with that house.

I'm serious.

What was that?

I'm serious.

His voice sounds funny.

Someone is hitting puberty.

"What's happening to my body?" Right, buddy?

Maybe you should come with us.

Oh, the boy's too busy. He's got his spying to do.

I'm not spying.

Well...

"Well..." That's okay, buddy.

When I was your age, I did exactly the same thing.

Of course, it was with binoculars and involved the lovely Jensen twins.

Neither of which was as lovely as your beautiful mother.

Will you be an angel and help me bring out the incisor?

- The incisor. - Hold this.

Yeah, you don't wanna forget that.

Elizabeth will be here in a few hours.

If anything happens, call the police and hide.

He knows that.

See you tomorrow night.

- What have you done? - Just let me drive this thing, will you?

- Where is DJ? Where's DJ? - I'm fine.

You would be so happy if he was under the car, wouldn't you?

Sorry. It's hard to see with the mask on.

Then why don't you keep it off, Chowder?

Why did you put up your window?

- Chowder. - It's aerodynamic.

- Hi, DJ. - We've got to make time.

The children. The children.

- What children? - Bye-bye, baby.

- Tell him you love him, dear. - He knows that.

- Tell your son you love him. - I don't wanna tell him.

- He knows I love him. - He's your son.

- You have to say it. Roll it down. - We're gonna be late.

We both love you.

- That includes your dad. - That's right.

- He's had enough kisses. - Blow him a kiss.

- Blow him a kiss. - Goodbye.

Cheer up. It's almost Halloween.

In one day and three hours, it's candy time.

Okay?

- Check it out, I got a new ball. - Cool.

Oh, speaking of which, have you decided?

Skullzor or Crypt Keeper?

Chowder.

I don't think I'm going trick-or-treating this year.

What?

Come on, you're gonna break a six-year streak.

Yeah, six years of being jumped and egged.

Maybe I'm getting too grown-up.

Three seconds on the clock.

I'm playing basketball.

It's time for an in-your-face disgrace.

- Are you okay? - My nose is in my brains.

Let me see. Oh, my God.

- What? - You're a dork.

Where's my ball?

Oh, no.

- Sorry, man. - Wait, wait. DJ.

You're a grownup now, you go get it.

Chowder, your ball just landed on Nebbercracker's lawn.

It doesn't exist anymore.

I paid $28 for that ball.

I raked 10 yards and asked my mom for a dollar 26 times.

I never worked that hard in my life-

Nebbercracker hasn't come out yet.

- So? - So maybe he's sleeping.

All right, I'll do it.

I'll never forget this. Hurry, though.

Go.

You.

- No. - DJ, run!

Get the ball and run!

You're so close.

What have you done?

- Just nudge it over here. - I'm so sorry.

Oh, I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean-

You are dead.

DJ, come on, come on!

- Chowder. - Come on, DJ.

Help. Chowder.

Help. Help.

- You think you can terrorize my lawn? - No, I'm sorry.

- You wanna be a dead person? - No. I love life.

This place is not a playground for children.

- Got it from now on. - This is my house!

Why can't you respect that?

Why can't you just stay away from-?

Push.

No siren. Never a good sign.

I'm a murderer.

- No, you're not. - I'm not?

When it's an accident, they call it manslaughter.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

Great. Babysitter's here.

See you, DJ.

Perfect.

DJ.

Hey, DJ, I just saw an ambulance. Did I miss anything interesting?

Hello?

Elizabeth...

...can I talk to you about something?

Oh, yeah, of course you can, cantaloupe.

We are gonna have the bestest time.

- Got tons of neat activities planned. - They already left.

- They did? They're gone? - Yes, and I need to talk to you.

So the usual deal: indoors by 9, in your room by 11.

- Lights out, your call. - Elizabeth.

- And it's Zee. - "Zee"?

Now, listen up. I control the TV, the stereo and the phone.

I don't do board games, Shrinky Dinks or tuck-ins.

I'm not your mother. I'm not your friend.

Don't talk to me like I'm a baby, okay? I am practically a grownup.

I don't even need you here, Elizabeth.

- Gosh, DJ, why'd you break that? - But I didn't.

Yeah, let me ask you something. Who are they gonna believe?

- Go to your room. - Fine.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Yeah, very funny. See how you like it.

Happy Halloween, doofus.

Nice one, Bones.

Look at his face. That's funny.

You're not supposed to have friends over. Who's this?

- This is Bones. - What's up?

- He's in a band. - That's right.

And, anyway, cantaloupe, let's not open up the rulebook, okay?

Since you're up way past your bedtime.

No, no, no, this is different. Listen.

You called the neighbors. Good for you.

I used star-69. He called me.

- Who called you? - Nebbercracker.

P.S., he died today.

- You lie. - Do not.

He died, and now I'm getting phone calls from his house.

A phone call from beyond the grave.

Guys, come on. I'm serious.

Oh, he's serious. Did you know he was serious?

- Come on, man, give her back. - Oh, "her"? You mind?

Oh, come on. Gross.

- Come on, Bones. - Wait, hold on, dude. I th-

She's having trouble breathing. Might have something in her throat.

All right, I'll look into it.

- No. Elizabeth. No. - Okay, Bones, knock it off.

Downstairs, now.

Sorry, kid, can't play anymore.

You are so funny.

I know. It's like I don't even try and it just happens.

God, stop doing this.

Oh, yeah? What you gonna do?

- Homicide. - Chowder, where are your parents?

My dad's at the pharmacy...

...and my mom's at the movies with her personal trainer.

- Meet me at the Danger Zone now. - Fine.

- Bones, I said, knock it off. - Come on, man.

No, I'm creeped out.

You know, I saw an ambulance here today.

So?

So maybe Nebbercracker really did die.

We should be so lucky. The guy is evil.

No, he's just a crotchety old dude.

Oh, really, Zee?

When I was 10 years old, I had a kite. Awesome kite.

I could fly it so high you couldn't see it.

One day, it crashed down.

I followed the string and it ended right over there...

...across the street, right at the edge of his lawn.

Did he take your kite?

Yeah, he takes whatever lands on his lawn.

But that's not the point.

The point is, is that I saw him talking to his house...

...and kissing it.

Besides...

...everybody knows what he did to his wife.

Why? What-? What did he do to her?

- He ate her. - Bones. Get off. Stop it!

- Bones, enough. - Come on, Zee.

Bones, I'm so sick of you.

- I was just- - You have no respect for women.

What? What does that mean?