Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I can't believe this is a rec center.

- It looks amazing. - You look amazing.

- Foxy as hell. - Simmer down, Boyle.

No, no, I love it.

- Amp it up, Boyle. - Happy to.

Jake, your body's kicking

and skin is clear as a summer day.

Ooh!

- Jake. - Ames, you look beautiful.

But when are you getting your makeup put on?

Y'all, she woke up like Diaz.

Not now, Jake. We're in crisis mode.

The cake hasn't arrived yet.

Mason woke up with the chickenpox,

so we don't have a ring bearer.

Plus, look what I found on my veil.

- Ooh. - I planned everything

so perfectly, and now it's all falling apart.

No, it isn't. Take a deep breath.

All right, we got this.

Terry, Rosa, will you please

take this veil to a dry cleaner.

And if they won't do a rush job, make them. Use force.

I mean, we're not gonna abuse our power.

Of course not. We're good cops.

I was just exaggerating.

Rosa, I was not exaggerating.

Great.

Okay, now for the ring bearer situation.

This actually might be a blessing in disguise.

I know that he's your nephew,

but I wasn't super jazzed about Mason.

- Yeah, he should be cuter. - His face is too small for his head.

He's a "Dick Tracy" villain.

But I have an idea for a new ring bearer

who is very adorable

and very obedient. I would be...

I'm talking about Cheddar the dog.

- Yep, right. - Brilliant.

He loves responsibility. I'll go pick him up.

I'm gonna go with Holt.

Seems like people are pairing off for adventures

and we have the best rapport.

Cheddar? Are you crazy?

- What about my... - Allergies?

Got your meds right here.

I brought them just in case Hitchcock decided to wear his toupee again.

It's very clearly not human hair.

Human hair is indistinguishable

- from badger fur. - That is absolutely not the case.

But that reminds me, you two,

our wedding band cancelled last minute,

and I need you to find a replacement.

You can count on us.

Flattop and The Freak. We always deliver.

- Our band cancelled? - Not in any way, shape or form.

But it's a very stressful day and I thought things would

go better without Hitchcock and Scully here.

Aw, that's so smart.

Look, babe, we planned a great wedding.

It's gonna be a perfect day.

- Phone call for you sir. - Ah, thank you.

That would be the cake guy saying he has arrived.

- Hello? - Jake Peralta?

- Yes? - There's a bomb at your wedding.

It's set to explode at 5:30.

Everyone inside will die.

So... that was not the cake guy.

Okay, we called the bomb squad

- and got everyone out of the building. - We should leave.

Who would do something like this?

Well, I clearly have an arch-nemesis.

Finally. Must be someone I put away

who's hell-bent on revenge.

He's probably gonna make me choose between

saving the city and saving the woman I love.

Little does he know, I can save both.

How are you so calm right now?

Someone is trying to blow us up.

I'm calm because there's not really a bomb.

I mean, if you're trying to kill someone,

you don't call and give them a heads-up.

So they're just trying to scare us?

Yeah, but it doesn't matter. The bomb squad's on their way.

They'll do a quick sweep, find nothing and split, and

this will just become a funny story we work into our vows.

"Amy, there was a bomb at this wedding.

Ya butt. Ya butt is da bomb."

Please don't say that during the ceremony.

Is it that you don't like wordplay or you don't

want me to talk about your butt at all?

Because one of those notes is really gonna pull a thread.

How did this guy even find out about the wedding?

The stupid engagement announcement

Charles put in the paper!

It had the time and location of the ceremony.

Amy, be very careful about throwing around accusations

like that, because if you're trying to say

I somehow ruined Jake's wedding,

then I'm gonna kill myself!

So tread lightly.

Okay! Just take it easy, Charles.

Nothing is ruined.

See? The bomb squad is already here.

And they brought a robot.

This is exactly how I imagined

my wedding would be when I was a kid.

Well, well, well.

Amy Santiago. Amy, look.

Your ex-boyfriend is here on our wedding day.

Why? This is my crew.

Yeah, you called me boring, so I leveled up my cool.

And now I run the bomb squad. I also started traveling.

I went to Belgium. They have the best spaghetti.

Teddy, let's get everything out on the table here.

Last time we saw you, you kind of proposed to Amy.

So you're not still in love with her, right?

No, I definitely am.

My therapist told me to stop trying to get over it.

Oh, weird that you wouldn't hide it even for your own pride.

But seriously, don't worry. I'm a cop.

I have a job to do, and I'm gonna do it professionally.

That's great. I'm happy to hear that.

Meaning I will be doing a super thorough sweeping of the building.

It's gonna take hours, so you should probably just cancel the wedding.

Anyway, congrats you two.

Congrats on the bomb squad.

- Charles! - Right.

So are you bringing someone to the wedding?

No, I'm taking a break from dating for a while.

- What? - I'm sick of asking people

how many siblings they have.

Oh, is it somewhere between zero and two?

How fascinating.

But you never know when you're gonna find your dream person.

Anyone on the street could be they.

All right, it feels like you Googled

"how to talk to your bisexual friends."

Yeah. Look, the point is

you can close yourself off all you want.

The universe will find a way.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Car's here.

Hi. I'm here to pick up Rosa.

Are you the one I'm looking for?

Now, Cheddar, when I give the signal,

you go directly to where the bride and groom will be.

Here we go.

Hup. Hup. Hup. Hup.

Good boy. Good, Cheddar.

- How did that look? - Very weird.

You're not gonna trot by the dog at the wedding, are you?

No, of course not. I'll be officiating.

You'll be the trotter. Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

- Oh, my. - What?

I just got an email from the mayor's office

telling me if I'm the next commissioner of the NYPD.

Well, well, well, finally something to care about today.

What's going on, guys?

- Someone called in a bomb threat. - Seriously?

Is this because of Boyle's stupid engagement announcement?

- Yes. - No!

They won't let us back in the building.

But there's not really a bomb, so it's just temporary.

What about you guys? Did you get the veil?

- Terry has it. - I do?

Oh, no, I left it in the car!

It's not my fault. The driver was so hot.

Not for me, for Rosa.

She was clearly flirting with her.

Oh, I know, I'll just call the company and bring her back here.

And then who knows what'll happen?

Wait a minute, did you do this intentionally

so I'd have to see that girl again?

No! That's crazy.

This is Jake and Amy's wedding. I would never do that.

But you gotta admit, it does seem like

the universe is pushing you two together.

- Terry! - Right, right.

Look, we'll go find the veil.

I can't believe this is happening.

Don't worry about them. Let's go check on Teddy.

I'm sure he's made a ton of progress.

Nope. Haven't even gone in yet.

Still putting on the bomb suit.

Yeah, my job is super dangerous,

but I like living life on the edge.

Just kind of sexy if you think about it.

There's no bomb.

If they wanted us dead, they wouldn't have called first.

It's not always the bomber who calls.

Maybe he had a young daughter, found a key to his secret room,

came across some blueprints, felt guilty, and wanted to save your life.

- Seems unlikely. - Well, Amy,

in this life, it's sometimes the unlikeliest outcomes that...

Feels like you're winding up to propose again here.

- I was. Good catch. Amy, would you... - No!

- You still did it. - All right.

Well, this is gonna take a while,

so you have time to reconsider.