The 72nd Annual Primetime Emmy Awards

>>> LIVE FROM DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES, IT'S THE 72nd EMMY

AWARDS. PLEASE WELCOME YOUR HOST, JIMMY

KIMMEL!

>> WELL, HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE PANDEMMYS.

IT'S GREAT TO FINALLY SEE PEOPLE AGAIN.

THANK YOU FOR RISKING EVERYTHING TO BE HERE.

THANK ME FOR RISKING EVERYTHING TO BE HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, YOU CAN'T HAVE A VIRUS WITHOUT A

HOST. THE BIG QUESTION I THINK WE SHOULD ANSWER IS WHY WOULD YOU

HAVE AN AWARDS SHOW IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC?

SERIOUSLY, I'M ASKING. WHY ARE WE HAVING AN AWARDS SHOW

IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC? AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING

HERE? THIS IS THE YEAR THEY DECIDE

THEY HAVE TO HAVE A HOST? WHY IS A QUESTION I'VE BEEN

ASKED A LOT THIS WEEK. AND I GET IT, IT MIGHT SEEM

FRIVOLOUS AND UNNECESSARY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE SEEMS

FRIVOLOUS AND UNNECESSARY? DOING IT EVERY OTHER YEAR.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TONIGHT IS NOT IMPORTANT.

IT'S NOT GOING TO STOP COVID OR PUT OUT THE FIRES, BUT IT'S FUN.

AND RIGHT NOW, WE NEED FUN. THIS HAS BEEN A MISERABLE YEAR.

IT'S BEEN A YEAR OF DIVISION,

INJUSTICE, DISEASE, ZOOM SCHOOL, DISASTER, AND DEATH.

WE'VE BEEN QUARANTINED AND LOCKED DOWN, CONFINED TO OUR

HOMES LIKE PRISONERS. WHAT DID WE FIND IN THAT DARK

AND LONELY TUNNEL? WE FOUND A FRIEND WHO IS THERE

FOR US 24 HOURS A DAY. OUR OLD PAL, TELEVISION.

THAT'S RIGHT. TELEVISION IS YOUR FRIEND, IT'S

YOUR BIG BROTHER, YOUR SISTER,

YOUR MAMA'S FAMILY, YOUR TWO DADS, THREE SONS, CRAZY

EX‐GIRLFRIEND, EVEN YOUR DOG, THE BOUNTY HUNTER.

TELEVISION IS THERE FOR YOU, EVERY DAY OF YOUR 600‐POUND

LIFE. THE WORLD MAY BE TERRIBLE, BUT

TV HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER. AND TONIGHT, WE ARE PAYING

TRIBUTE TO THE GREAT SHOWS AND THE HISTORY MAKING NOMINEES.

HATS OFF TO THE TELEVISION

VISIONARY NORMAN LEAR, THE OLDEST WINNER EVER AT AGE 98.

NORMAN DIDN'T GROW UP DREAMING OF WINNING EMMYS.

IN FACT, TELEVISION WASN'T SOMETHING PEOPLE HAD UNTIL HE

WAS A TEENAGER. WHEN HE HWAS A BOY, HIS DREAM WS

NOT TO GET KICKED TO DEATH BY A HORSE. NORMAN, YOU ARE A MIRACLE.

THE ONLY THING I'LL BE PRODUCING WHEN I'M 98 IS PHLEGM.

CONGRATULATIONS ARE ALSO IN

ORDER FOR A YOUNG UPSTART NAMED

QUIBI, WHICH HAS TEN NOMINATIONS THIS YEAR, INCLUDING DUMBEST

THING TO EVER COST $1 BILLION. THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT DRAMAS

THIS YEAR, AND COMEDIES, TOO. A LITTLE SHOW FROM OUR FRIENDLY

NEIGHBORS UP NORTH IS UP FOR EVERY EMMY.

15 NOMINATIONS FOR "SCHITT'S CREEK."

BY THE WAY, YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEEING THAT LOGO A LOT.

IN ORDER TO MEET BROADCAST STANDARDS, THE SENSORS HAVE

DECIDED EVERY TIME I SAY THAT,

WE'RE REQUIRED TO PUT "SCHITT'S

CREEK" ON THE SCREEN.

HBO CAN SHOW YOU A BLUE PENIS, NO PROBLEM.

I CAN'T SAY THAT WORD. AND SPEAKING OF BLUE

PENISES, "WATCHMEN" HAS 26 NOMINATIONS.

IT'S A SUPERHERO SHOW, VERY

REALISTIC EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE ANYONE IN OKLAHOMA IS

WEARING A MASK.

ISN'T "WATCHMEN" ALSO WHAT JERRY

FALWELL JR. WAS INTO? HEY, WAS THAT ME? WAIT.

IF I'M DOWN THERE, HOW AM I UP HERE?

THAT WOULD MEAN THAT NO ONE IS IN THE AUDIENCE.

THAT WOULD MEAN THAT I'M UP HERE ALL ALONE.

JUST LIKE PROM NIGHT. OF COURSE I'M HERE ALL ALONE.

OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE AN AUDIENCE.

THIS ISN'T A MAGA RALLY, IT'S THE EMMYS.

INSTEAD OF A LIVE AUDIENCE, WE TOOK A PAGE FROM BASEBALL AND

FILLED THE SEATS WITH CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE NOMINEES.

WE HAVE REGINA, HUGH, JASON,

MERYL ‐‐ WAIT A MINUTE. GO BACK ONE. JASON? JASON?

I KNOW IT'S YOU. I SAW YOUR EYES MOVING.

>> THEY DIDN'T MOVE.

>> YES, THEY DID MOVE.

>> MIND YOUR BUSINESS, KIMMEL. BIG NIGHT FOR ME.

>> I KNOW IT'S A BIG NIGHT, BUT YOU CAN'T BE IN HERE.

WE HAVE VERY STRICT SAFETY PROTOCOLS.

>> I'M CLEAN, GUY. I'M A BIG WASHER‐UPPER.

SMELL MY HANDS. THEY'RE LIKE A GARDEN.

>> I'M SURE YOU'RE CLEAN. WE JUST HAVE A LIMIT ON HOW MANY

PEOPLE WE CAN HAVE IN THE BUILDING. YOU NEED TO GO.

>> NO, I DON'T. I HAVEN'T LEFT THE HOUSE FOR SIX

MONTHS. I WANT TO BE HERE, I WANT TO EAT

SHRIMP WITH THE CAST OF "THE CROWN."

I WANT MARIO LOPEZ TO ASK ME ABOUT MY PANTS. LET'S GO.

>> YOU CAN STAY, AS LONG AS YOU

PROMISE TO LAUGH AT MY JOKES.

>> HUH. I'M OUT. I'M GOING TO CALL A CAR.

>> YOU'RE NOMINATED, YOU KNOW.

>> I KNOW. IF I WIN, GIVE IT TO CHEADLE.

>> WHEN WAS THAT PHOTO TAKEN?

>> IT'S TOUGH. I DON'T AGE.

>> LET'S GET GOING. BUT FIRST, LET'S HAVE A STANDING

OVATION FOR ME.

THANK YOU. IT'S TOO MUCH. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S HOW THE SHOW WILL WORK. OR NOT.

WE'RE ATTEMPTING TO DO SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER BEEN ATTEMPTED

BEFORE. AND FOR GOOD REASON. INSTEAD OF BRINGING THE NOMINEES

TO US, WE WENT TO THEM. WE HAVE LIVE FEEDS TO AND FROM

MORE THAN 100 LOCATIONS AROUND THE WORLD.

YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET

YOUR PAIRENTS TO FACETIME? MULTIPLY THAT A LOT.

THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS. THIS IS THE NERVE CENTER.

WE'VE TAKEN EVERY SAFETY PRECAUTION, AND THESE ARE

TONIGHT'S NOMINEES. HELLO, EVERYONE, AND

CONGRATULATIONS. THEY'RE ALL STANDING BY.

WE'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR WEEKS NOW, WITH CAMERAS AND

MICROPHONES IN YOUR HOMES. HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE ALREADY

STARTED DRINKING? SHOW OF HANDS. VERY GOOD.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A BEST BUY. THIS IS WONDERFUL.

SO HERE'S HOW THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN.

IF YOU WIN, WE'LL HAVE A GUY DRIVE TO YOUR HOUSE AND CHUCK

THE EMMY THROUGH YOUR WINDOW. NO, WE WON'T DO THAT, BUT WE

WILL BE CONNECTED TO EVERYONE THROUGHOUT THE SHOW, HOPEFULLY.

THIS IS THE SHOW THAT WILL FINALLY ANSWER THE QUESTION,

DOES ALAN ARKIN KNOW HOW TO USE

A WEBCAM? WE DON'T HAVE AN ORCHESTRA THIS

YEAR, BUT D‐NICE IS SPINNING THE HITS ALL NIGHT LONG.

LET'S GIVE OUT SOME EMMY AWARDS.

>> LET'S DO IT.

>> YOU KNOW, NOT EVERYONE STAYED AT HOME TONIGHT.

HERE TO KICK THINGS OFF IN THE FLESH, SHE IS MY FRIEND AND

YOURS. PLEASE WELCOME EMMY WINNER JENNIFER ANISTON.

>> THANKS, JIMMY.

>> WHAT?

>> I SAID, THANKS, JIMMY.

>> WHAT?

>> NEVER MIND.

>> YES, I'D LOVE SOME WINE.

>> NO, I SAID NEVER MIND.

>> OH.

>> WHY ARE YOU STANDING SO FAR AWAY FROM ME?

>> DR. FAUCI SAID 60 FEET, SO ‐‐

>> NO, HE SAID SIX FEET.

>> THANK YOU, YOU ALSO HAVE SEXY FEET.

>> OH, GOD. OKAY. HERE ARE THE NOMINEES FOR

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES.

>> WHAT?

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> CATHERINE O'HARA, "SCHITT'S

CREEK."

>> LINDA CARDELLINI, "DEAD TO ME."

>> I WAS THERE IRONICALLY.

>> THEY HAVE A COUPLE OF GOOD SONGS.

>> NAME ONE.

>> ISSA RAE, "INSECURE."

>> WHAT UP, PAL? HEY, BUDDY.

IT'S NOT A DOG.

>> CHRISTINA APPLEGATE, "DEAD TO ME."

>> ARE YOU THE WINE SHERIFF?

>> WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY?

>> TRACEE ELLIS ROSS, "BLACK‐ISH."

>> DAD IS GOING TO GET I

INDIGESTION.

>> RACHEL BROSNAHAN, "THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL."

>> NOW THEY'RE HERE TO WATCH THEIR DIVORCED DAUGHTER TELL

JOKES ON STAGE AND IT WILL KILL THEM, AND THEY WILL FINALLY HAVE

WON.

>> OKAY, NOW WE JUST NEED TO

SANITIZE THE ENVELOPE. I GOT IT HERE. I WILL SPRAY IT.

A LOT.

>> THAT'S A LOT. THAT'S A LITTLE EXTREME, JIMMY.

>> YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE THE ACC ACC

ACCOUNTANTS' HANDS HAVE BEEN. NOW, INTO THE BASKET.

LIGHT IT UP. WAIT FIVE SECONDS. IF YOU GRAB THE FIRE

EXTINGUISHER.

>> OKAY, OH, GOSH.

>> ONCE ALL THE GERMS HAVE BEEN BURNED OFF ‐‐

>> HERE WE GO.

>> PERFECT.

>> GOT IT.

>> PERFECT.

>> OKAY.

>> AND ‐‐ OH.

>> GOT IT.

>> RIGHT? ALL RIGHT. SANITIZED FOR YOUR PROTECTION.

NOW, THIS IS EXCITING.

>> PUT IT OUT.

>> WE'RE DELIVERING THE EMMY LIVE TO SOME OF THE WINNING

NOMINEES IN THEIR HOMES. THEY WILL BE GETTING THE

TROPHIES IN THEIR HOUSES.

>> WHAT? AT THEIR HOUSES?

>> YEAH.

>> BUT I'M HERE.

>> OH. RIGHT. YOU SHOULDN'T BE, BECAUSE YOU'RE

NOMINATED. BECAUSE YOU WON'T GET IT IF

YOU'RE NOT AT HOME.

>> JIMMY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ASKED ME TO COME HERE.

>> ARE YOU SURE THAT WASN'T JIMMY FALFALLON.

>> YOU HAD BETTER GET HOME NOW. IT'S ONLY NINE HOURS BEFORE YOUR

CATEGORY. TAKE FOUNTAIN, IT'S ALWAYS

FASTER. AND THE EMMY GOES TO ‐‐ CATHERINE O'HARA, "SCHITT'S

CREEK."

>> OKAY, WE HAVE ‐‐ NO, HOW COOL

IS IT THAT EUGENE HAS A MICROPHONE IN HIS BEDROOM?

THANK YOU FOR NOMINATING ME, AND FOR TOPPING OFF THIS FUN EVENING

WITH A TROPHY TREAT. I'LL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL TO

EUGENE AND DANIEL LEVY FOR GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO

PLAY A WOMAN OF A CERTAIN AGE, MY AGE, WHO GETS TO BE FULLY HER

RIDICULOUS SELF. THEY GATHERED THE MOST