American Dad!

It's been a thrilling season on "The Bitchin' Race."

15 teams left New York hoping to win $1 million.

Now, only five remain...

Stan and Francine.

What a gift this has been.

Traveling around the world, making new memories

and capturing them

in the honored art form of caricature.

They say the giant head is the window to the soul.

Every single one of those has cost us valuable time

that I've had to make up.

Not my first-choice partner,

but every other person I know is at Dick's bachelor party.

He's such a go-getter.

That's why I put him in a go-cart in this one.

Steve and Hayley...

Not surprised we made it to the finals.

As "sibs," we have an unfair advantage...

You suck. The reason we're in the finals

is because I'm carrying you.

You keep stopping everywhere to buy souvenirs.

And I swear, if Jeff wasn't at Dick's bachelor party...

Bear and Rick.

He's a survival expert, I'm a travel expert.

We've won every leg so far.

It hasn't been particularly enjoyable.

Yeager and Johnny.

My name, and I hope it's trending right now,

is Yeager Chillax.

It is not trending.

Oh, but Dannon Yogurt just followed me!

I like to kick ass and jam clam with my man Johnny Bananas.

Yo, I've won MTV's "The Challenge" six times.

Now I own more yellow XTERRAs than anyone in the whole world.

Boom! Vote for us.

Is there... Is there voting on this?

And, finally, Meredith and Justin,

her son who went to heaven and back.

As a single mom who runs her own

medical billing business, I've had my share of challenges,

but at least I have my son.

In heaven, everybody has long outie belly buttons

that double as guitars.

He's our miracle boy.

The miracle boy who's captured the world's heart.

But will that be enough to win "The Bitchin' Race?"

We'll find out tonight on the exciting season finale.

I know I should root for someone in the family,

but Justin has captured my heart.

Oh, I'd love to throw it in his mom while he's sleeping

like an angel in the next room.

Aah!

In this box are the first instructions

for the final leg of the race.

Is everybody ready?

Travel safe.

Go!

Bangkok!

Ah, Bangkok,

the most romantic-sounding city in the... Ahh!

We've got to get to the airport.

Expert travelers know that the best place

to find a cab is often at a hotel.

There's a Ramada two blocks southeast.

I'll grab a boba on the way so when I have to

drink my own piss later, it'll taste like Boba.

- Dude, you ready to do this? - "Abs-solutely"!

I'm all packed!

Aww, yeah!

Why does mine look different from yours?

Are... Are you doing something?

Are you eating something?

Let's go. Drive faster. We're in a race!

I don't think this is a taxi.

I think we just got in this Tunisian guy's car.

Wait. Are you not a cab driver?

Wait. Are you not carjackers?

I didn't say slow down.

- Where are all the cabs? -

What is wrong with this country?

Maybe it's for the best.

Our table's ready at the Hard Rock.

We're not going to the Hard Rock.

We've got a race to win.

But some of the pins they won't let you buy

unless you eat there!

Do you need me to take out all my drawings?

Uh, no.

Your acne scarring inspires me.

I'm gonna draw you.

They're getting ahead of us!

Ooh! I'm gonna put a little moon man

planting a flag in your cheek.

Maybe give him a tennis racquet.

Can you imagine playing tennis on the moon?

It's probably all lobs.

Here's a tip.

To get through the terminal quickly,

sit in the lap of a wheelchair person.

By the time anyone hears their weak protest,

you'll be at your gate.

Cowabunga, dude!

If they get the first flight out,

we'll never catch them.

And Francine's still stuck at security.

Steve's in the gift shop.

He keeps buying and returning the same.

Tunisian New York Yankees hat.

We have to stop the experts from getting on that plane.

I invoke a one-time-only.

Dollar Shave Club Temporary Alliance.

Announcer: Now, that's some smooth action.

Hi. I'm Brett Favre for poor retirement planning...

Klaus: Nope.

Huh. When you're not doing it yourself,

ski jumping is phenomenally boring.

Ohh! Aah! He's pinwheeling!

There's no way he survived that!

Ugh. There's his leg. Nasty.

They're bringing it to the widow. Good.

Ohh! But another woman's fighting for it!

His mistress, of course.

Ah, ski jumpers.

We're all dogs.

Oh, no, the race!

Who would have guessed that Rick Steves

would be harder to choke out than Bear Grylls?

He smiled the whole time and would not break eye contact.

I like to go half-recline

even before we push from the gate.

I've never been busted.

Are you willing and able to assist

in the event of an emergency?

Honey, I'll assist you anytime, anywhere.

Oh! That is so Yeager Chillax.

Angels are gonna help us fly the plane!

All: Aww.

Hey! I'm still hogging the camera here!

What, that kid's special because he died for a second?

Bananas can kiss his own tip! Tell 'em, Bananas!

I could suck it, but I never do.

Host: Once in Bangkok, teams will hit their first detour,

where they'll have to choose between yak and back.

Here, they must herd yaks

or have a full Thai massage before they can continue racing.

Doesn't a massage sound nice,

a little romantic couple time?

We watched "Rush Hour 3" on the plane.

I think I'm done wooing you.

I bet we can rip through that yak herding.

- Based on what? - Hurry up!

Dude, they love us!

The cameras, the attention... they're finally on us!

: Justin! Justin!

In heaven, you can fart colors!

This ain't working, Yeager Chillax.

I know, Johnny Bananas.

I've seen this before.

We're not the stars of this season,

and we're never gonna be.

Ugh. This sucks. I quit.

I feel like I'll never be happy again. Ooh, karaoke!

I'm next! I'm next!

I'm... Nattapong W.

Host: Teams must herd their yaks into the pen

on the far side of their corral.

Since Stan and Hayley have done all the challenges so far,

Steve and Francine must do the herding.

Kiss for luck?

We'll kiss at the finish line!

Yak, I-I'm gonna need you to... Wow, your fur is soft!

Reminds me of a shawl I have.

I like to wrap it around my shoulders

when I get cold at Trader Joe's.

Why keep it so chilly?

CVS... same problem, not to mention how loud

they play the music in the...

Move your ass!

You can do it, honey!

Your great grandmother says hello.

Do what he did.

Do something!

Oh, my goodness.

Will you look at that temple over there?

I feel so lucky to be here.

Together: Oh, come on! You're killing me!

You have no idea what it's like

trying to compete with that tied around my neck.

"That"?

Oh, I think I do.

It's like you're an alpha, and you're strapped to a...