Poor Cow

Now, just hold on. Hold on.

All right, all right. Take it easy. Take it easy. Let me get the mask on.

Let me get the mask on.

OK.

Pant away.

Keep going, keep going.

Good.

Good. Keep going. Look.

Look. Now... Now watch your baby born.

Take the mask off. Take the mask off. Look down.

Look down. Look down. Look, look. Look.

Good girl. Look. Oh! Look, there it is.

There.

It's a boy!

Now just a minute.

There we are.

What you laughing at?

There we are. There we are.

Come on.

Don't be greedy. Wait for it.

There! That's better.

What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.

Oh, I couldn't stand it in that place any longer.

You didn't come to see me, did you?

Of course I can't come to see you. I'm busy, love.

-I've got a living to earn, ain't I? -Oh, yeah.

'Ere, mind that stuff on the bed, that's all new, that is.

Yeah, well, put it in the cupboard. Don't have it on the bed.

And don't sit there with all that out like that.

Give my mates a right treat if they come in, won't it?

I don't want you going round the pub looking like a rat bag.

-Tom, is that you? -Yes, it's me, love.

-Here's your holiday in the sun. -Who have you done?

I done a safe in Green's betting office.

-You didn't! -Yes.

-Listen, how much you got? -Should be £500 there.

My name is Joy. I'm about five foot three.

My measurements are 36, 24, 36. And English.

My little baby's name's Jonny.

He's quite a chubby little baby.

And he cries a lot, most of all in the night.

-Is she still...? -Oh, still as nosey as ever!

Always got her head behind the curtains.

Oh, they're like that next door to me. I don't have nothing to do with them.

I've got long hair and green eyes.

My legs are a bit skinny, actually. I don't like my legs very much.

Um, the things I like most... are plenty of clothes and money!

Well, I was born in Fulham and my mum had quite a few of us.

She spent most of her time in the pub.

My dad's a scaffold erector and he likes the women.

Well, I fell in the family way when I was 18,

and I got married... to a right bastard.

Well, I didn't think so at the time, but I do now.

-Trixie! -Oh, hello.

Have you nearly finished?

-Only a few minutes. -Coming for a coffee?

Joy! Joy! No Joy in here, look! Here you are!

Hey, look, there's some fellas over there waving at you.

-Where? -Look, there.

It's my old man. What's he doing here? He should be at work.

Go on, say hello to him. I'll look after him.

-Yeah. -'Ere you are, get yourself something.

-Well, give us it, then! -Well, take it, then!

-Take it, then. -Stop mucking about.

-Are you gonna give it to me? -Course I am. Don't snatch it, then!

Do something useful, getting hold of it.

Come on, give us it.

-Don't, Tom, it's not funny. -You give it to her.

Passing the two-furlong marker. Then Greek Honey, Dr Blimba,

New White and Tamarack.

Turn that telly up, Joy.

You shouldn't have said that in front of my friend.

Friend? That monkey-faced git? I know how much of a friend she is to you.

She wouldn't give you nothing if you were down.

Tom, don't you dare say that!

She's my new friend!

Come to that, which of your friends would help you when you're down, eh?

None of them. And I wouldn't ask them. And they wouldn't ask nothing of me.

Not even if I was starving or they were starving. Life's like that, isn't it?

-Is it? -Yeah.

-Turn it up, Joy. -I'm not turning it up.

-You'll turn it up. -Oh, no, I won't.

Look, I paid for it, you handle it, will you? Now turn it...

I am not turning the telly up. Why should I turn the telly up?

-Because you're my old lady! -Why can't you turn it up?

I'm not turning the telly up! You can get over there and turn it up yourself.

-Turn it up, Joy. -Make me.

-I'll make you. You won't be conscious. -You wouldn't dare.

-Get round there and turn it up. -You pig!

Fed like a pig here. Two cheese sandwiches a day.

It's all you deserve. Cos you're a lazy bugger, that's why!

I think, er... I think you ought to fill me in on it a bit, you know?

Tom, you can do that.

Yeah, well, I've weighed it up, you know, Dave.

There's definitely six grand in the Peter, or over, like, you know.

We'll have to have the keys of the safe off the Pole, the manager, he's got them,

and there'll be a bird in there with him of about 24, settler,

and a little fella, too.

There's three in there. We're gonna go in four-handed.

Well, the way we work, anyway, it's always worked,

the driver takes the car, he's responsible for the car angle.

- That's fair enough, really. - You gotta have a ringer.

I don't mind. I mean, you know...

-You've got one before, have you? -Well, that settles it.

I can get plates. I'm easy with plates, anything, you know.

I mean, when you think you're gonna come out with over a grand,

let's do it properly, fellas, or not at all.

Well, there won't be any worry about being seen. We'll be all masked up.

-What, stockings? -Yeah, you know.

You don't have stockings over your head, you pull them up,

stretch them a bit and wear them under your shirt.

As you run in the door, they're tied up. When we come out, they're tied up.

They can't see us. We can take our stockings off in the shop and walk out.

-Where you gonna have the car? -Second on the left. Must be.

Yeah. If it goes boss-eyed, he'll have to back up.

I've been making sandwiches.

Never mind about the sandwiches, love. Bring some more beer in, will you?

I don't think there is any more. Those are egg.

And those are cheese. You can have more egg but there's no more cheese.

There's enough eggs here to get rid of that lot.

I live on sandwiches round here.

Don't start that again.

She cooked dinner at Christmas, I thought Santa Claus had fell down the chimney.

You're asking for it.

Must be better than the grub in Wandsworth.

- Yeah. - See that rat run across my cocoa?

What beats me are those pots, like, you know.

And the smell. The slop out, like, is diabolical.

-Oh, don't be filthy. Don't start. -I had four years of it!

- OK! Come on. - You're hurting my arm. Leave it.

- Come on. - Leave it.

Come on. There you are. Come on.

It'll be easier for you.

All right!

All right!

-Turn around, get in the car. -Go on.

Right, OK.

We had ten kids in two rooms, love.

My father was a drunkard.

-So was my mother. -Really?

Well, lots of women were then. So much to worry about.

Didn't have no decent furniture.

Rotten old kitchen table. You was lucky if you had one comfortable armchair.

-No! -Yeah.

And when there wasn't no money, they put your kids and you in the workhouse.

I'll have to give this line a rub down, it's made all my bloody washing dirty.

What's the landlord here like, Aunt Emm?

-Oh, he's a bit randy, love. -Randy?

Yeah. I owed him a couple of weeks rent one week.

He come to the door and said, "Well, Emm, it's two weeks. It's up to you."

-Up to you what? -Well, you know, I had no money.

-You're joking! -No, I'm not, darling, I'm serious.

So, anyway, I took him in for a half hour, you know.

-You didn't! -I had to, love

Did I tell you about the old man?

That nice old man downstairs? He gave Jonny a packet of sweets.

He might seem nice to you. That dirty old sod.

-What do you mean? -Never gets anyone to clean his place.

-It stinks as you walk by. -He can't help it. He's old.

Yes, but I mean, good God, the council would do something.

Well, I don't know. You can't expect it when they're old. They can't manage.

There you are. I mean, something should be done about him.

-They should put him in a home. -Yeah. Probably better.

The next half hour, the focus will be on what's new for you

as we gaze at the stars, with some forecasts for the future

compiled especially for us by Wilhelmina, the famous clairvoyant.

They don't know anything about pain.

I don't think they're capable of feeling pain, men. Do you?

- No, I don't. - No, they only use you to prop them up.

- Yeah. - They want you to think you need them.

You know, to pay for the bread and see the rent's done and all that.

It's all a big lie.

You can go to the Assistance Board any time, they'll give you the money.

I There's a pub in town called the Rose And Crown

I And one day I met Rosie there... I

- Give us a zip up, will you, love? - Yeah.

I get lots of offers now, you know, but I'm a bit nervous being on the change.

I'm gonna get myself put right and then I'm gonna really go to town.

It's gonna be all town and all, I can tell you.