Wild Bill - First Season

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Shit!

Hey! Hey! Goddamn it!

Argh!

Aaaaaaaaah!

'Welcome to London's Heathrow airport...

This is going to be great.

Going back to the source.

The Pilgrims came from Lincolnshire. From Boston.

The original Boston, and probably the best.

- Probably. - Probably.

Look, you're not going to miss Miami. What did you call it?

Sweaty swamp with snakes walking upright?

- We need this. - And I need my fourth new school

in six years. Way to parent, Dad.

Look, each new start is a new opportunity to be a new you.

Dial down the Hallmark, Chief Hixon.

Here in the old country, it's more irony and sarcasm.

Like I said...

"Wild Bill".

Love it.

- Do you really? - No.

That was me trying sarcasm.

Bentley, huh? Must be good to be Crime Commissioner around here.

That payday wouldn't fill the tank.

How far exactly is it from London to Boston?

Not far enough.

'Boston may not be typical.

'The level of immigration here is much higher

'than the rest of the UK.'

'It's created some huge social problems, of course.

'There's a lot of local people now that can't get a job.'

'There's a kind of rejection and blame

'when you don't feel accepted and welcome.

'People just lose hope.'

I saw it on Street View,

but somehow I don't think Google quite captured its magnificence.

Boston's got the highest murder rate in England.

- We're all over the papers. - Yeah, ten homicides last year.

- In Miami, we had 150. - Are you boasting, Bill?

Brits don't like boasters.

This is a perfect place for a lad like you,

looking to make a comeback.

You solve a couple of murders by year's end,

you'll have 100% clear-up rate.

And then you really will have something to boast about,

won't you? Eh?

Howdy, y'all.

Much obliged for the fine welcome to this here East Lincolnshire.

Shire Sheriff's office.

We are going to be making us a few changes around these parts.

As our nation's president once memorably said...

"You're fired."

That's a pretty good accent.

What were you going for? West Texas?

- Lubbock? - Er, I don't really know, sir.

I just, you know, cowboy and that. John Wayne...

Are you still talking?

I've never actually been to Texas.

I have, however, been to UCLA where I got my degree in criminology.

To go along with my Master's from Yale.

I also have a doctorate in statistical mapping from MIT,

although I don't use the whole doctor thing,

cos nobody likes a wise-ass, isn't that right, PC Drakes?

But you are right about one thing...

Your government demands a 10% cut in your budget...

to go along with the 10% reduction in crime rate.

And that's where I come in.

I was America's top metropolitan police chief three years running.

I ran departments in San Diego, Denver, Miami.

And now, East Lincs.

What the Sergio Aguero are you doing here?

My ancestors are from here. Boston, Lincolnshire.

- Came over in the Mayflower. - Really, sir?

Fuck, no.

I'm the best at what I do, you need what I do.

Your numbers are bad.

I'm here to find out how bad.

You can't police with numbers.

I'm almost glad you said that.

21st-century policing is only about numbers.

Length of time to charge is now 18 days.

That's four days worse than last year.

Crime convictions are down 15% to 9%.

There is one area in which you are succeeding,

you have the highest murder rate in the country.

So, congratulations on THAT.

I've got some bugger nicking satellite dishes

off council estates.

You'll not catch bugger from behind t'laptop, will ya?

I could police this whole county from Miami Beach

with a cell phone and good Wi-Fi.

But I'm not on a beach.

I'm here.

For some reason. Oh.

I almost forgot. The inspirational stuff.

My dad was a cop.

Patrolled the same beat from the age of 18

until they forced him out at 67.

I watched it grind him down

year after year like trying to beat back

a wildfire of social disintegration with a fly swatter.

That's not going to happen to you.

When I leave here, you will have lost your grey frowns

and defensive negativity, and you will actually want to come to work.

And that will do a lot more to help you and the community you serve

than a pat on the back

and some more bullshit about how policing is all about people.

Yee-ha.

Daddy's home.

Well, there goes the Christmas party budget.

You must be Lydia. Lydia Price?

- Deputy Chief Constable Price. - Yeah.

Thanks for running the transition so smoothly.

It is literally my job, sir.

The problem around here, your numbers.

- There aren't enough of them. - Oh, would you prefer more crimes?

It would help my algorithm.

I'll have a word with the local criminal fraternity,

- see if they can't up their game. - Lydia.

I'm just going to ask one thing of you. I'm American.

If you're going to stab me, stab me in the front.

Maybe I should go meet the principal.

Kelsey!

Kelsey.

Call me.

'Hey, Doc, it's me, I just dropped her off at school.'

'How's she doing over there?'

'I don't know. She tries so hard to fit in...'

'OK, OK, I suggest we wait and see.'

The problem with waiting and seeing

is sometimes you wait and see and your 12-year-old daughter is...

'OK, OK, I will give her a call.'

That would be great. Thank you.

I'll send you her UK cell.

'All right, Bill. Bye, Bill.'

Any means of identification, please, sir.

37 miles an hour, awesome!

That means 20.

20's plenty where people live.

Well, DC Cobley, I'll make sure you're put up

for tightass of the month.

Shouldn't you be on an estate somewhere?

Trying to catch the satellite thief?

No, there's a ban on overtime, sir.

Don't need any overtime, there's a pattern to the thefts.

No pattern. Random times, random days.

My algorithm runs details of crime against government statistics,

weather and about 300 other things

that a human being of limited bandwidth wouldn't understand.

All the crimes take place between dawn and dusk

- within 48 hours of major sporting events. - Right?

PGA, WNBA, FA Cup, whatever the fuck that is...

- He's nicking them to order. - Exactly.

Champions League, tomorrow night. Exactly. Right.

So, eight hours of surveillance, three cops over two days,

- no overtime needed. - That's brilliant, sir.

80 quid.

Half-price if you pay within 14 days.

Oof! Bastard! Argh!

Come here!

He's heading due east along the ground floor.

Climbing up a floor.

Go, get him! Up a floor, now!

Try and keep up, lads.

'Suspect now in custody'

Sorry about the disturbance, sir.

Er, Bill Hixon? Lisa Cranston, Boston Stump.

Our readers are dying to know all about you.

In fact, your photograph was the most clicked face of February.

I think it's the teeth.

We haven't got anything as white and shiny round here.

- Well, my teeth are my greatest asset. - Oh, good.

OK, quickfire round: Marmalade or Marmite?

OK, now you're just making up words.

Pyjamas or birthday suit?

Seriously?

I'm a cop. Just me and my six shooter.

Brexit. In or out?

In, obviously.

Or... out?

What's your greatest fear?

That my father was right about me.

Oh, snakes.

Snakes are my greatest fear.

OK, well, thank you, Lisa.

The Chief Constable is anxious to get back to his desk, so...

I thought this was a meet and greet? He hasn't met or gret.

Well, why don't we start right here?

Looks like a fine, patriotic household.

Hello.

I'm the new Chief Constable.

No, you're not.

You're American.