Movers Ultimate

Chad!

Doing great, bud.

Almost on time for work...

tomorrow!

Do not fucking rush me, Ryan.

Stupid alarm didn't go off last night.

You set it for PM again?

No! This bullshit dollar store charger

crapped out in the middle of the night.

Who's fault is that?

Whoever made the dollar general an officer.

Dude shouldn't even be in a boot camp.

Maybe, you know, just don't buy your phone chargers

from the dollar general.

- Maybe you doing... - Yeah? Maybe. Fuck you!

Chad!

Shannon.

You stayed over?

Are you kidding? Yeah.

Did we...?

Uh-huh.

Was I conscience?

- Conscious. - That's what I said.

I was.

- Oh. - Nice to see you, Shannon!

- Oh. - We're late.

Oh!

Jesus! How much did you have to drink last night?

Not enough. I still hate our fucking job.

You smell like my uncle.

You're uncle's a badass.

Alright, if living in a Winnebago is

a badass, yeah.

Han Solo lived in the Millennium Falcon.

You don't see anybody making fun of him.

Wow!

You know, if that management position doesn't work out,

you should really consider motivational speaking.

I know! You're driving, by the way. I'm out of gas.

Yeah. Shocker.

This is bullshit. We requested the day off two months ago.

If we're late tonight, I'm fucking quitting.

Quitting would be too easy.

We shall revolt like the legendary outlaw Pancho Villa.

Dude, read a book.

Fuck!

Your phone is so old.

Who's Catherine?

Dude, fucking give me that, man! Nosy.

You trying to kill us? Read that for me.

I'm just glad it's not Jane.

Like, for once.

So, who's Catherine? Do tell.

You know her. She graduated with us.

Wait is this the girl that you banged in the stacks senior year?

I mean, you could call it sex

but, uh, I was definitely not winning any awards

for that performance. If it were a race,

I probably would have had a scholarship somewhere.

"Looking forward to seeing you tonight."

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Will probably be an early one.

Can't go all night like I used to.

What a fucking loser!

Dude, ten years makes everyone so boring.

I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone

that didn't start with "So, what do you do for a living?"

And they start frothing at the mouth

as soon as they get the opportunity

to they try and turn their life's successes

into a dick measuring contest.

You tell them you're a furniture mover?

Fuck no!

I am a furniture extraction engineer.

Thank you very much.

Fucking ridiculous.

You meeting up with anyone tonight?

Trina 'Double-D' Davis.

Trina. Dude, she's smart.

What is she doing talking to you?

Like I said, I'm an engineer.

Ooh, pull in here.

You know, if we were stopping to get gas

we could've just taken your car.

We're not getting gas.

I'm gonna stop in and say hi to your mom.

Thank God.

Yup. Be cool. Be cool.

Fuck it.

Chad?

Shawn.

- What's up, man? - Hey,

what's going on, man? It's good to see you.

Yeah, you too.

What are you doing these days?

You're a mover now?

Yeah, for now.

It's whatever. It's not so bad.

You know, if you're ever interested in coming back...

I'm fine.

Thanks.

You know, actually, it's...

They just offered me a manager role.

So I might take it.

We'll see.

Good for you.

Thanks.

Hey, I'll, uh, tell everybody at the station you said "Hey."

Yeah, do.

- See you around. - See ya!

If we get the biggest move today

I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind.

Calm down! Kurt said he only needed us for a few hours

and then he's gonna cut us loose.

Kurt's perception of time is looser than Kobayashi's asshole.

We've got a better chance to crack the fucking Da Vinci code

than we do getting off a decent hour.

"I never want to see you again.

Take your tiny dick

and stick it down the garbage disposal.

You stupid, selfish piece of shit."

Selfish?

Do you believe that?

I am so fucking nice.

She might come around.

- You think so? - No.

What's up, homeboys?

- What's up? - What's up?

Oh, look who decided to show up.

Fashionably late.

Yo, guys, that was insane last night.

Chad, dude, that was the biggest piano I have ever seen.

What's left of it.

Uh, alright. See you later, guys.

Ryan.

- Chad. - Morning, Kurt.

You're late. Again.

Are we?

You got off 6 hours ago. You're welcome.

My office. Now!

- Hey, Kurt. Meet me! - Okay, Kurt.

Hey, you know, I heard that.

Sorry... Thought you said something.

Never mind.

So, here's who you're moving.

Breathe.

- Bullshit, Kurt! - Hey!

It's a bullshit estimate.

Thirty boxes, one bed and a dresser?

We asked what they had and that's what they reported.

It's a 6000 square foot house.

Who the fuck has one bed in a house that big?

- Psychopaths. - It's none of your business how much furniture people have.

My neighbor, Pete Granger, doesn't use furniture.

He stands like a cow while watching TV.

You should see his calves.

What?

Now someone has to pick that up.

I got it.

You know what? They read some reviews

of you two online and they requested you.

I'd take it as a compliment.

Oh, yeah?

Well, next time you get fucked in the ass, Kurt

don't forget to turn around and say, "Thank you" afterwards.

Look...

If corporate sees that you get requested,

it's out of my hands. It's corporate.

Anyway, I got this new guy

to help you out if things go sideways.

No! I've seen the guys you hire.

They're all freaks. And the last one smelled like a foot.

Yeah, he, for sure killed someone.

We do background checks now.

Anyway, this guy is different.

He's here for the summer before he starts

a football scholarship in the fall.

He wants to stay in shape by being a mover.

- Dedication. - We can try him out.

All right.

He's in the lobby. Go introduce yourselves.

Actually, Ryan, if you could stick around just for a second.

Now you did it.

Here, take these sleeves with you.

- So, what's up? - So...

As you may have heard

corporate is looking to hire a new assistant manager.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Corporate. Lotta contenders.

Pretty, uh, stiff competition.

Uh, they asked if you'd be interested.

Fucking Kurt!

Hey, what's up?

Are you the guy?

What?

Are you new here? Are you the ball player?

Yeah, I, uh, start at OSU this fall.

I'm Kip.

Dude, you're gonna get killed.